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Watch a Screw up Connect the Dots

by Carl Walker

everybody does it

everyone makes mistakes

everyone knows how it feels

to let down a friend

or behave badly

and be disappointed in yourself

thinking

*I thought I was different*

*how could I be this way*

*is it worse the way others feel about me,

or the way I feel about myself*

 

now, connect the dots

the truth, once agian, is that I can't get it right

but I want to set up a standard that the way I get it is right

I want to be the standard

 

my mind takes me back to yesterday

the way I thought about the surly server at Micky D's

I didn't like her, I wanted to sit on my throne and decree judgement

because she didn't "get it"

she didn't meet my standard

 

and now I'm sad because I know what it feels like to be judged like that by me

because I judge myself

I don't meet my standard

worse than my surly server

 

so, what can I do

where do I turn

 

I'm glad my best friend doesn't judge me like I judge others

my best friend, I let him down

but he doesn't treat me like I treat others

he doesn't judge me like I judge others

even when I sell him out, he understands exactly why I did it

and covers me

he is more interested in being friends

more interested in getting together

than in me getting it right

 

he told me, "don't sweat it, I know you're sorry

with me as your friend you'll do better next time

just remember

I love the surly server same as you"

 

whew

I mean double whew

 

I amy not be able to go back and make it right

for my other friend I let down

(and I mean REALLY let down)

she told me a confidence and I didn't keep it (what a s--t I am)

 

but I sure feel peace

and I sure feel an intensity, a fire with in me

not to judge the surly

but to show them what my best friend's love feels like

 

and, ya know, that sure makes me feel good

I'm still disappointed in myself

sorta

but I sure feel peace

 

what a wonderful best friend I have

I'd love for just the three of us to get together

I'm sure you'd like him

03/29/2003

Posted on 03/29/2003
Copyright © 2021 Carl Walker

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Chris Sorrenti on 03/30/03 at 03:37 PM

A good reflective lesson for all here.

Posted by Kate Demeree on 04/02/03 at 01:49 PM

*smiling* think we have more than one shared friend. Great write!

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