wipe me away
till all that remains
is the half
(those two-loving-thirds)
that would have been
you(rs).
prop what's left
(those two-spiteful-thirds)
against the wall
and flay me-
you know
i don't deserve
any better.
and when i'm ribbons
i'll baptize you
in the slip-drip pools
that collect
(anywhere and everywhere)

unborn,
please understand
we weren't ready
(i wasn't ready)
(and now,
your blue eyes scream at me
from anywhere and everywhere).
drag me
across salt and asphalt
hang me
from splinter-ridden beams
(the crosses
i never gave you
the chance to
hang from)-
you know
i don't deserve
any better

and when the bright light
shines in my face
tears will stream down ~
forever
you know
it was me
it was me
~ i did it ~

white floors
white walls
white overhead-
falling-down skies
the only dirt in here
is me
it was me
~ i did it ~

little memory
little mass
of torn-out
neglected cells
(dreamchild)
i know i have no right
but i'm begging you
to help me
(please help me)
reach in
to my womb
and touch
what's scared me
(scarred me)
my whole life
the only light that shines
in my whole rotten, pointless life
is my love for you
all the love I have for you
i never gave myself
the chance to
feel

and if
the drying, dead
and shriveled cells
that would have been
you(r heart)
can ever find
a way to forgive me
i can die
(i will die)
in peace

12/09/2002

Author's Note:
For the little half that I never gave myself the chance to know and love. I'm so sorry. Merry Christmas, my dearest, dearest little one. I'll always remember you. I promise that I will never let a single Christmas go by without praying for you.

Why "two-thirds?"
In the Book of Revelations, the Beast (not Satan = The Adversary, but the Beast = the accumulation of Man's/God's anger towards Humanity's sins) that is sent to harass and torment man-kind before the rapture is marked with the number 666 (2/3 = .666) because, as an imperfect number (not a prime or otherwise holy number), it is a numeral that mankind will be able to recognize, understand, and act against. Man, being an imperfect being (in the Christian mythology), is only capable of recognizing and dealing with the imperfect, hence, the imperfect, "human" number, 666. It is not a sign of evil: it is a symbolic representation of the hurdle that God gave us to jump over and thereby prove ourselves worthy of the divine. 666 is a ladder to climb, a sea to swim across. A symbol of everything that is 'wrong' with us, as potentially divine beings; but it is also the hate that the (fallen) Seraphim felt for us, because without those same imperfections, the Seraphim will never be able to evolve, or prove their love for god (themselves). Thus it it our mistakes, our failings, our little deaths, that really make us closer to God.

Posted on 12/09/2002
Copyright © 2024 Richard Paez