hanging on to your love by a thread
you like to dangle me over the danger
you think itÂ’s good that I finally know
what IÂ’ve been doing to you all this time
well, IÂ’ve never been this cold
I didnÂ’t mean to scare you
like you meant to scare me
I wanted you to know
I love you
but IÂ’d never do this to you
dangle you over a cliff by your shoelaces
if you really do love me too
save me
like IÂ’m always saving you

11/27/2002

Author's Note: Desperation was the main force behind this. I was so afraid. Every moment became about reassuring myself that I wasn’t alone. But I was. Really really alone, and he never denied that. If he thought I was hanging on to someone else, that was it for us. He let go of me. So I had a good reason to feel alone. I was. He had gone. He said every time he went to hold on to me, I was holding on to someone else. At this point I’m fairly sure he won’t ever understand how strongly and tightly I’m holding on to him. Other people can see it. They’ve told me. But he can’t, or doesn’t want to. So this is just one more plea for him not to be blind. I’d never let him go but by the time I say that, he’s already out the door thinking I’m leaving him.

It was never about two people for him. He never saw us that way. But I always did. I continue to view our friendship as a two-person deal. He doesn’t. I happen to think that sucks. That’s why he can’t understand how I can fall in love and keep him for a best friend - because he doesn’t think of the position of “best friend” as being filled by one person. I do. So I guess that’s why I see myself as the “giver” in the relationship (i.e. “I’m always saving you”). We just look at our friendship completely differently.

A lot of note for not a lot of poem... still, I think it’s necessary. The notes are my working things out.

Posted on 11/27/2002
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