hanging on to your love by a thread
you like to dangle me over the danger
you think it’s good that I finally know
what I’ve been doing to you all this time
well, I’ve never been this cold
I didn’t mean to scare you
like you meant to scare me
I wanted you to know
I love you
but I’d never do this to you
dangle you over a cliff by your shoelaces
if you really do love me too
save me
like I’m always saving you

11/27/2002

Author's Note: Desperation was the main force behind this. I was so afraid. Every moment became about reassuring myself that I wasn�t alone. But I was. Really really alone, and he never denied that. If he thought I was hanging on to someone else, that was it for us. He let go of me. So I had a good reason to feel alone. I was. He had gone. He said every time he went to hold on to me, I was holding on to someone else. At this point I�m fairly sure he won�t ever understand how strongly and tightly I�m holding on to him. Other people can see it. They�ve told me. But he can�t, or doesn�t want to. So this is just one more plea for him not to be blind. I�d never let him go but by the time I say that, he�s already out the door thinking I�m leaving him.

It was never about two people for him. He never saw us that way. But I always did. I continue to view our friendship as a two-person deal. He doesn�t. I happen to think that sucks. That�s why he can�t understand how I can fall in love and keep him for a best friend - because he doesn�t think of the position of �best friend� as being filled by one person. I do. So I guess that�s why I see myself as the �giver� in the relationship (i.e. �I�m always saving you�). We just look at our friendship completely differently.

A lot of note for not a lot of poem... still, I think it�s necessary. The notes are my working things out.

Posted on 11/27/2002
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