I

I don't think I could ever date
someone who owned a cell phone
One time at a coffee shop I saw
two people with cell phones
they were sitting near each other
facing the same direction
they were each having conversations
with someone far away
and not the multitudes surrounding them
but they were synchronized

it was amazing
both held their cell phone - small,
black, didn't reach their mouths -
up to their right ear
when she turned her head
to look over her shoulder at the door
so did he
when he looked back so did she
every movement was harmonized
perfectly with each other
they laughed at the same times and
sighed at the same times
they even pushed the off button
at the same time
looking down at the tiny
electronic convenience in their palms
cradling it gently while they pressed
with their thumbs
then her friend took out her phone
and started all over again
everything replicated exactly two minutes
out of phase

I just wouldn't want my conversations
to be that predictable
I couldn't date someone with a cell phone

II

I mean, I'd call her up
and could set a clock by
when she giggled inanely at
some witty remark of mine
ten point three two seconds later
she'd turn her head to look at
something that caught her attention
and she'd continue talking
distractedly like this for seven
point oh four seconds when she'd
lose interest and return to the
conversation

eventually I'd be able to
just tell her what to do without
saying anything else, avoiding actually
talking to her entirely
ring for two point two eight seconds
exactly half a second later
say hello "hello"
wait twelve point four four seconds
mild amusement
wait three point one four seconds
polite laughter at something that
wasn't very funny
look up at the ceiling for six point
nine six seconds

after a while I wouldn't have to call anymore
she could just answer the phone
and do the routine on her own
I think that's when I'd either
break up with her
or marry her

02/10/2002

Posted on 02/10/2002
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