I felt a sadness in my bones
when I saw a father
stop
and stoop
and look his boychild in the eyes
and listen.

I felt a sadness in my bones
when the women
in their skirts
and lace
shamed me
and he was not there.

I felt lonely in my bones
when in the morning
feeling the coolness of dewed grass
smelling the beckoning Spring
or in the evening
neighborboys with their dads
and he was not there.

I felt yearning in my bones
for his hand through my hair
or patting his courage
onto my butt
before my first
bike ride
or football workout.

I felt desperate in my bones
when alone by myself
Mom's
panic
or madness
threatened to weave itself
into my psyche.

and then...

I felt sadness in his bones
remembering
his dad's away
from his first
bike race
and all the other firsts.

I felt sadness in my bones
imagining
his fear
and determination
not to show it
after Grandpa's funeral
when Dad was alone
the oldest-but-still-a-boy
but now the father.

I felt the unease in his bones
embarrassed
at his own awkwardness
when we first played catch
and I could throw
better than he
because he'd no dad to teach him.

I feel pride in my bones
for now I work
and love it
because he was there
now I catch the glittering lake
for all the times
he couldn't.

I feel thrill in my bones'
precious memory
of wheeling him to the Ballpark
and catching his bliss
being with his boy
singing star spangled
hot dogs and cold beer!

I feel joy in my bones
your courage
here in them
in crises and disasters
your laughter
here in them
for the humor in life
from the Field
you dream with me.

Dedicated in joy and tears to my father, Cameron Currier

12/29/2001

Posted on 12/29/2001
Copyright © 2024 Glenn Currier