The Journal of Kristina Woodhill

02/13/2012 02:06 a.m.
Today my mother turned 91. To see this irrational number on paper creates a desire to beat back at something, but I'm not sure what. This is where the mind begins to finally understand about the past, present, future all being one. This is where my mind jumps back to early childhood and feels that old fear of death thing that never got explained away quite fully, or replaced with some other reality of how things "turn out." I am hopeful that as I spend more time helping her cope with a shrinking, curling over body, I will be able to maintain for us both that place of optimism that is my usual state and that I might be able to help both of us go into that next realm with the same enthusiasm on our lips as Steve Jobs' - "oh, wow!, oh, wow!, oh, wow!"

Member Comments on this Entry
Posted by Joan Serratelli on 02/13/12 at 04:41 PM

Kristina- count yourself very lucky- not only do you have a mother; she is obviously a big part of your lifed. I envy you for that.You have such a great outlook. Can I borrow it? I hope you and your Mother have many more great days together!

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Posted by Alison McKenzie on 02/13/12 at 05:20 PM

I know the feeling, though I'm quite removed from my grandmother at this point. She turned 92 last October, and she doesn't remember from call to call now how long I've been gone, when I plan on coming back, or what my life is like now. All she says, consistently, is that she misses me horribly, and she doesn't understand why I couldn't continue to care for her. It is amazing, isn't it, continually trying to embrace a their perspective from that age? I don't know about you, but I keep hoping I don't have to know about it personally (that I'll pass away before I reach that many years). As for death, I guess I'm not sure when I was no longer afraid of it, but I'm not. And I'm sure you've had many a person share their own perspective of it with you...I just think that the whole human life thing is sort of small potatoes compared to our entire experience - but that's just me. Love love love you and your heart!!

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