[101]
10/16/2012 04:46 p.m.

While trying to prove the inexistence of a higher power and the various
accoutrements one would entail, philosophers were forced to admit a
particularly unexpected outcome: the entire world is actually a xylophone.

Children and percussionists crossed their arms and shook their heads at
the obviousness that seemed to baffle everyone else -- is not every moment
of every day essentially being whacked over and over and eliciting an outcome?
Preferably a pretty one with clear and expected tons, but sometimes you're
whacked in the exact wrong place and maybe you make buzz or a thud or a
dissonant bawp or maybe you're hit with two mallets instead of one and more often
than not the chord created sounds just awful. The metaphor, they argue, is inarguable.

Everyone else doesn't get it. Ninety percent of them aren't even sure what the
difference between a xylophone and a glockenspiel actually is. They stare at the
sky looking for evidence of a rainbow octave and wooden frames and find nothing.

Worse, this means that a lot of changes have to be made, and soon. The first program
anyone writes is now "Print: hello, xylophone," the popular MMORPG is now
Xylophone of Warcraft, the Atlas and continents must be recombined to represent low
to high notes.