My 16th Attempt: May 17th, 2005
06/22/2005 08:40 p.m.

This was my 15th attempt to remember to remember while practicing the breathing exercise. On the 16th (i.e., after almost ten minutes of absence) I was wondering and trying to recollect what made me jump and vanish from the 15th to the 16th. A man who entered my room created a different situation and my attention was carried away by the associated thoughts. Well, it wasn't difficult to conclude why I failed to stick to the 15th. It was not difficult since this was my millionth failure., and shamelessly, I am prepared to deduce once again that I failed because I failed to become my attention. This separation from my attention, this lack of control on my part, in the absence of my presence, the associations carried away my attention. Now when I am recording this, stuck to my 16th attempt, I am my attention since I can see my hands holding this pen moving smoothly on this note pad linked with my intellectual center linked with my emotional center linked with my mechanical center, aware of my within, aware of my without. No doubt the quality isn't good but still I am happy about this becoming. Yes, I am aware of every thing as if my attention can move in the opposite direction, in and out, left and right, back and forth, all at once. I did observe the person who peeped through my glass paneled door. I observed myself observing, my attention floating through the empty space of the room almost touching the person through the glass who was peeping through the glass. It’s here where I realized the beauty of this oneness with the attention. I almost touched the person since I was the attention. I saw him so clearly as if I was seeing him very close though for a fraction of a second. I did go but I was in control since I saw my going and I saw my returning back to this very notepad recording this experience so nicely linked with my thought process, my centers. Yes, this is what I am aiming at. What should I do to attain this oneness with my attention? Can I think of some practice which will make this task somewhat easier?

I think I need to evolve some practice to attain this goal. Aware of every thing, touching every thing, within as well as without in continuity. I have experienced this movement of attention in continuity in the past. It's almost like moving yourself. But this is an old story. And now? I have nothing much to claim but for the fact that it's a new beginning and I am sure to attain what I am intending to.

One ought to know when one jumps

Why he jumped?
How he jumped?
AND
Where was he
When he jumped?