Step 1 Complete
07/10/2004 11:39 p.m.

Well, I got the Federal Aid information all filled out and I received the Petition for Readmittance into school. So step 1 is out of the way. Monday I'm going directly to the school to drop it off in person and talk to a few people on my options on what classes I need to take first and so on.

I think I should take out my text books and start refreshing my memory on my circuit theory and logic gates. I hope this pays off. I need this.

Went for a bike ride today with my boy. It was such a nice day out today. Hardly any humidity and a beautiful breeze. How nice it is to be able to go on a bike ride with your boyfriend and just enjoy every minute of it....even down to the achy ass from the seat...hehe...

Time for food...."I feel like chicken tonight...like chicken tonight...chicken tonight!"

Decisions
07/08/2004 10:53 p.m.

So I made a huge decision today that would probably affect the rest of my life. I decided to go back into school. Yep...taking a year off paid off and now I'm ready to get back to the books and finish what I left off. I really need this and I'm going to push every single muscle of my body to get what I really need out of this school. So those of you who have known me and realized what a situation I went through in the past....well I'm ready to go.

Plus I get to get out of that ass job that I have right now. Although I can't down it that much because I'm most likely going to keep working there while I'm in school so I can pay my bills. Makes sense doesn't it? Yeah so that's my good news for the day. I'll keep y'all up to day as much as I can.

To Hell with my hotel occupation
06/29/2004 09:14 p.m.

Yeah...exactly...what the hell is that all about you say? Well simple. I do my work, I get yelled at for it. I do my work a different way, I get yelled at for it. I get the damn work done, isn't that good enough for them? No f'n way! I can't believe that I would be dragged down and beaten like that! Assholes is all I have to say. If you haven't guess I got a warning today. A verbal warning but still....I am the only one in the department that ever got one so soon. They can take that warning and put it where they like to pleasure themselves because I'm tired of this damn shit hole department. They are so unorganized, so undependable and plain out screwed up. 3/4's of the servers are assholes and the boss of it all doesn't even know what the word organization means.

Time to find a new food runner because my days are soon to be up with this job and it's not because I'm getting fired...it's because I'm quitting!

I mean how can this place make me out to be such an horrible person and terrible worker? All my other jobs I was sucessful at what I did. Never had any problems with anyone. I just go there, do what I have to do and they don't like it. All the people that know me on here know me as a nice person, a great worker and a smart guy. But these guys are really making me feel like I'm worth absolutely nothing. Bitches! We'll see who has the last laugh when their department gets screwed because I leave and the servers are running around for their own shit. Blah to them. I'm better than that and damnit I'm going to get out of this situation once and for all!!!!

Another Journal Entry?
05/18/2004 10:03 p.m.

I know it's been a while. It's been busy at work. I'm actually looking for a new job because it's really becoming a hassle dealing with people that want me to do this and that and pull me in many different directions. Very unorganized people just don't understand my position in things. Besides...the hotel position is not a place where I should be after getting a degree in electronic engineering tech. Come on...who would pay that much money and work in a hotel doing something that doesn't even involve it? Apparently I would...but that won't last for much longer.

Anyways, we found a new roommate. He's from Texas and he's moving up on the 24th of this month. He's a nice guy and will be great around the house for some laughs.

I am now well aware that Scott is a great person. I don't know what I would do without him. He has helped me do a complete 180 degree turnaround and I feel absolutely fantastic. Some people have asked me if I think he's "the one". I really think so. We don't have a reason to be apart. We love being together and a lot of people think we are a great couple. For once I actually feel comfortable where I live and comfortable with my living conditions.

It's finally warm weather! I'm really hoping to get out as much as I can and just exercise. I need it so bad. I hope I'll get some time. We'll see.

Well that's it for now. I'll write again soon.

Interesting
04/07/2004 08:10 p.m.

Been slow at work lately. I hope it speeds up a little. Some of the people I work with are really getting on my nerves. It's like they have a privledge to come into our country with green cards and decide they can boss people around. I mean I'm not racist or against other people coming into our country for citizenship but you have to draw a line when someone who has been here their whole life are being bossed around by someone who has been here for a year or two. And I'm not talking about like an actual boss, I'm talking about people that work right beside me. Granted, I may be new but I have my own way to get the job done and as long as it gets done, who cares about their way. I have decided to ignore them and do the job my way or the boss's way. That's it with that one.

So Scott and I have to find a third roommate. We were just informed by our current roommate that he is leaving because of something going on back in his hometown in California. Of course Scott and I both know that he was lying to our faces because he's been moving out for a while now and there is something else that is involved. He won't even open up to us to tell us who he is as a person. He just closets himself up in his room all the time, never has anyone over or anything. I let him use my computer one day and found out that he was looking at a bunch of gay men sites with porn and stuff. He was trying to hide it by deleting the history but completely didn't know that my temporary internet folder archives everything he saw. I mean, yeah I'm gay but I don't go around looking at what he was looking at...models...maybe but not what he was looking at. He never told me about it either. I don't know. I'm kinda happy he's leaving. At least Scott and I can find a roommate who is more open about themselves and not a closet case.

I can't wait for warmer weather. I want to go out back and get some yard work done. I would like to get a little garden going and grow some veggies and stuff. That would be fun. I know someone who knows about lawns and stuff and would be great to help me pick out the type of grass seed to put down that doesn't require a lot of sunlight to grow. Our lawn looks like icky. All mud!

Well, that's it for now.

New Scenery
02/02/2004 07:23 p.m.

So I moved...yes again...I'm back in Boston and I'm so enjoying it. I was promoted to Assistant Manager at Payless. The only catch was to move back to Boston and take the position at one of those stores....So those of you that know me, knew I hated being away from Boston, so I packed up and took off.

I'm loving it so far. My place is beautiful. I just can't believe that I did it...and I did it by myself. I feel so proud of myself. I'm going to make it this time. I'm going to succeed.

Those of you who would like to see pictures of my new place, feel free to check out this link which will bring you right there....New Place

That's all for now....

Opportunities to Succeed
01/19/2004 12:39 a.m.

An adventure takes skill and knowledge to pursue it and succeed. Though through times you will run into those occasional dead ends and have to turn around and go back a bit....or take the hedge trimmers and just cut right through your way and make a new path. Either way you do it, you make your adventure happen. That's what is happening here with me. I have some up's and I have some downs...sometimes more downs than ups but still....I'm getting my adventure. It's time to make things positive. Life is my adventure and I'm going to enjoy it.

It's time to let the little things pass. I'm not going to let things get in my way. I have my hedge trimmers with me and I'm going to break through.

Though, I want to let all my friends know....you all know who you are (Douglas, Boston, Brockton and online buddies) that I'm not forgetting any of you. You are still with me. But I hope each of you understands that the strengths I need are for me to become stronger. Each of you have helped in so many ways and now it's my turn to contribute. Don't you worry. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not running away from any of you. I just want to say thank you for everything you all have helped me with through out the times we've had together. You guys are the best and it's something that makes me so proud to have each of you as my friends.

Lastly, I want to bring up a quote that I got from work to enlighten everyone's day and future days. "When you have a bad day, look in the store, see the customer and always remember to smile in the aisles!", from my boss and assistant manager, Meir and Justin. You guys are great!

So keep up the good work out there and always remember, "smile in the aisles"!

~Matt~

A New Year
01/06/2004 06:11 a.m.

The new year is kicking off well. It's been just about 2 weeks since I've last bit my nails...I'm working hard to stop. That's a terrible habit and a very hard one to break, but I'm gonna do it. My attitude is changing too. I am clearing up my mind and just moving on. I'm worrying about myself and the situations I'm in before anything or anyone else. I do care for my friends tho, which is the best people that ever came into my life. Thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way.

Welcome 2004! Let's get a move on! Tally Ho!

New Years
01/01/2004 07:49 p.m.

Wasn't hard to not know that New Years was going to be the same as Christmas....spent alone. Not my luck at all. I had plans to see friends and one of my co-workers thinks she is the best there ever was and can take any day off she wants. Well the assumptions have came to pass that she may be taking today 1/1/04 off from work. So my boss tells me that I am "on-call" for work which means I couldn't travel to my friends back home to see them for New Years. I couldn't arrange anything with my other "good friend" because he just couldn't bring me because his other friend just doesn't like me. Funny how he just feels that we couldn't have peace for one night...no he has to go have a ball in Boston while I'm home alone...go figure....What gets me is the fact that if something happens and I'm left alone and he goes out, he doesn't express how sorry he feels that I'm left alone, but if one of his other friends can't go out anywhere or is having a huge upset in their lives...he is so heartbroken and feels so bad for them... That's how it was last night. He rushed me off the phone because he was so busy having a good time with this new "friend" of his. Plus he didn't even call me up to say "Happy New Year". What kind of person is that? He didn't call me once. And to top it all off...he stay at this guys house! I sat here crying my eyes out and not one phone call last night or even today to see how I was. And he tells me that he will always be there for me.

So adding it all up, my birthday sucked, my Thanksgiving sucked, my Christmas sucked and New Years sucked. Well...I can just about say that I am not meant to really have anyone in my life but myself. Hell, I grew up that way, might as well spend the rest of it alone.

It's a new year. I will soon be making the best of it. I'm hoping to be moved to full-time very soon at work and I'm being trained to be a keyholder and learning how to close. That's good. That's the best thing that has ever happened to me in a while.

I do want to say though. I'm feeling really bad because I am going through all this and the person I live with has no idea what I'm going through. I feel so bad. She is an unbelievable person and yet, with all of what I'm going through, I am treating her like crap by not talking with her about what is going on. I feel so awful. I hope that she will understand. I feel so bad. She has done so much for me, bringing me into her home, allowing me to get back on my feet. She deserves better. I'm so sorry LC. I'm really trying. I wish we can talk. If you only knew what is going on.

So that's the scoop. I hope 2004 is so much better than what I went through this year. I can't have a repeat of what happened this past year.

Thank you to those who are by my side through last night; DG, CH, JB, JB's boyfriend (hehe) and PF. Thank you all for turning tears into smiles last night. I appreciate everything you guys have done for me. I love you all.

Have yourself a merry little christmas
12/23/2003 05:38 a.m.

Well...I will be celebrating xmas on my own this year...This year has been a very difficult year; leaving school, personal stuff destroyed by others and loss of friends and family. It really hurts to see that I have to work from rock bottom up.

I wish things could just get better....I wish I was better.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone. Happy Holidays!

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