The Journal of Matthew Sharp by the way 05/09/2010 07:33 p.m. Eye/I will love you forever.....no matter what....even if you killed me. Comments (0) wishing on empty 05/09/2010 07:30 p.m. i wish i was as sure as you, and how the look on your faces show your ego convinced how right you are all the time... its like i can warn people to stay away from me because im not what you kept convincing yourself i am, and then ill get talked into being friends because i love people so much. Eye/I couldnt possibly say no to them forever...and then when its all said in done and you realize that you shouldve never gotten close to me or me close to you, you totally forget that i didnt want to be in that position in the first place... The ego will make you bitter and hateful instead of compassionate realizing that imperfection is the compromise you where warned not to make..... I hate thaT you hate me and it burns and i deserve it... i deserve to die.... i wonder if we all deserve to die.... i guess we dont but that wont stop me from wondering.... i just think its sad that when people get mad at other people they find happiness in their failure and pain... there is no way to apologize for being a thoughtless improviser and making mistakes losing faith in my instincts.... let the lost stay lost.... because if you dont, you will lose the 'found' or 'inner peace'..... of course i dont make sense unless your poetic or thoughtful or whatever adjective your state of mind satisfies you with best.... Comments (0) missing 08/10/2009 08:30 p.m. she smiled that signature radiance at me before she left for the military base for a couple weeks. that smile hasnt left my mind since the day she left and i turned down a stripper/physics student and a 3some for it. nothing is better than having something real and passionatte like instinctual nostalgia. i think im growing up. i cant wait for her to get back sunday. ill make her smile til it hurts. Comments (0) i sure do miss the love 07/17/2009 08:00 p.m. its kind of fucked up the way shit works. a group starts to form out of the design of relative interest its like you can write whatever you want and it can be considered powerful and good but if it doesnt relate to the upper echelon on the voting scale it doesnt mean shit. so fuck it, im just glad to have a place to store it and the occassional person to explore it for what its worth and show some love that i try to return. common respect in manners. ive gained and lost friends and i try not to draw a graph in my mind like wavelengths of here and there and up and down. i wonder sometimes of a certain person or persons if i should ask if we are still friends or if we ever where before becoming involved in what they do or dont do. i always forget the wasted time at stake when i invest whatever i can from the heart, even when its obviously doomed from the start. so im just waiting for a category to swallow me up then quit again. or just say whatever. i just want it to be known that there are more circles of interest that value originality even when it destroys the boundaries of what its supposed to be. I am currently Alienated I am listening to my people Comments (0) know your enemy 08/01/2008 01:21 p.m. the distraction of our petty woes. a dramatic addiction taunting the warrior within. without eyes, without will, without heart. the underlying pain is priceless. i will always be ready to fight and im done arguing for awhile. arguing a point, once obvious. now oblivious. i consume myself and the rage destroys me waiting for it to pass feels like a never ending winter. Comments (1) crunch time 06/04/2008 07:25 p.m. i wanted to be cool. i wanted to write a 26 page thing where each page is all with words started from a to z. something like burnt bridges bombed blackened bodied beneath bricks bonded by blood. or something. i cant seem to keep friends, i guess im weird. maybe someone will understand the defenses shyness and take the time to see through to an earned entry into a trusting relation. i think its because i moved away and i drift a lot. ill move again. i can do anything. it doesnt matter. what does everyone want? money? blood? i concede. usually i want fire. i get so angry and it fucks up my writing. im babbling. i wish whoever is reading this well intentions with all the will i can summon. Comments (3) life.... just this once 05/21/2008 12:07 a.m. i usually dont write so personally pertaining to my life and whats going on in it, but it's about time i do. that way nobody can say that i didnt tell them anything or that there was no warning. i kind of recently moved to alabama and a few months ago i moved in a big house with dave&emily and adam&crystal because they couldnt afford it on their own. Anybody that knows me knows that i am a good person and i give and give as much as i can without taking. i give to the people in my house as much as i can, and it came to my attention about a month ago that somebody is going into my room and going through my things almost everytime i leave. i am not a paranoid person like someone that doesnt know me at all tried to convince my nephew and a couple of friends that i am. the fact is, is that as soon as i noticed things out of place in my room, i started putting a string in my door to make sure that it was true. that string was gone everyday. everyday, for a couple weeks. so i put little strings on my drawers as well, and they too where gone almost everyday. i occasionally smoke a little bit on the weekends, and eventually that was taken from off the top of my dresser. i didnt know what to do because i didnt want to start accusing people because im just too nice of a person to do that. so i put my mp3 player on record in my drawer the other day and came back home to listen to it and i heard my door open as well as my drawers and if this person wouldnt have coughed a little then i wouldnt have known. im not going to say who it is, im just saying that i know. there is nothin that i can do to fix this blatant disrespect towards me. but there is a clepto in the house and a liar. things are not going that well here in alabama, i have one good friend who is one of the best most honorable people i have ever met in my life. im not exactly in a hurry to be back in milwaukee. but i am going to leave, im not sure how or where but im not going to tell anybody because there is nobody to tell. im so different than the people around here, i dont watch t.v. (which my roomates still expect me to give them money for) there is nothing that i like to do but go to wilderness park and smile in the rain whistling down the chutes in the bamboo forest. i have the occasional 3some with mandy and patricia, and sometimes kim. whom are very good people but i refuse to cramp their little rich tennis playing lifestyles. i love a girl who lives in another state who only loves me back when her self-esteem needs a boost, no matter how sad it leaves me when she's done with me again. the only time i feel comfortable at all anymore is when i believe something better is about to happen,just to watch it fade before any action is taken. i feel betrayed, i feel duped, laughed at and my heart is in a million pieces. i dont want to accociate myself with another self-biased ego again. people tell other people all about me as if they knew and so when they meet me they have a predetermined notion of what im after and who i am and all that does is destroy any chance of ever getting anywhere emotionally, respectfully or honorably. im categorized with no label, and betrayed by the self-righteousness of the kind of people that cant admit when they are wrong. so, if there is anyone out there left that cares at all. thats kind of where im at. so be it....... good luck to us all, matthew I am currently Helpless Comments (3) happy rape and murder of the innocent natives day:) 11/23/2007 10:17 p.m. happy rape and murder of the inncoent natives day history waits impatiently to repeat itself the monster inside slowly squeezing its ugly head out of the airwaves and trend moral i hope you all enjoy time with your family Comments (2) hospital trip 10/16/2007 05:46 a.m. i couple years ago, i heard a bunch of noise outside it was like 4 in the morning i went outside, and it was some dumb ass fool trying to hustle crack i told him to move around, and that i owned this corner. so he left and went across to the other corner, i went to walk up to him and he left. the next night it was the same shit... i went outside to move him gone again and about 6 of them came from around the house and rushed at me. i got stomped by all of them. i was mad as hell. i got away by twisting a few nuts, and went in the house and got my sks assault rifle. i came outside and shot at all of them as they ran away.( a piece of the sidewalk flew up and hit one in the neck and he dove to play dead) i missed on purpose because prison sucks. 2 weeks later me and my friend 'gorilla' were enhancing each others existence in front of the house, and them so dumb ass cowards drove by and unloaded a 9 at me 2 off the ribs and one in the top of the leg. i went in the house and ate some pain pills and my girlfriend cried her self to sleep. then i went to the hospital. Comments (1) move around 09/18/2007 01:14 a.m. i dont know what to say to you. but i need to say something. im going to move. i've had enough. it sucks. i suck. bye. me. i. . Comments (2) Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 Entries Return to the Library of Matthew Sharp   pathetic.org Version 7.3.2 May 2004 Terms and Conditions of Use 0 member(s) and 2 visitor(s) online All works Copyright © 2025 their respective authors. Page Generated In 0 Second(s)