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The Journal of A. Paige White Michael
08/09/2006 06:06 p.m.
Wow. This just really sucks. I told that stupid scanner to crop all that white space off. grrrrr
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to nuthin
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Condo Commandos
08/01/2006 05:40 p.m.
Chip was so utterly disgusted. hehehe... Father God, please bless, and refresh him. I know it just crushes his spirit to see such an inequity. They got a palace (on wheels of course-how they qualified for FEMA assistance in the first place is beyond him & me). Go figger. I don't understand why I NEED to live in a camper right now. I NEED to keep the temporal aspect of this life so much before my eyes that I NEED to live in a temporary shelter. A shelter that barely shelters from the elements. This is just so weird. I do not want to live in a house anymore. Not at all. So weird. I can't figure it out. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? How many days before you explain this one, Adonai?
The man of the palace on wheels fame, turns out to be a tremendously nice fellow. I guess it was the neighbor that rubbed Chip raw on his last occasion there. This fellow is the head of the Mississippi housing development in Biloxi. Chip couldn't say enough nice things about him. He even stayed to help clean up after Chip set the "palace" for him.Kept trying to offer him a beer, lol. Would not have been a good idea. Chip gets dehydrated just from working the normal sets, on the ground. This set was on the tennis court behind where the condos used to be. I know how hot it was in Jackson yesterday just standing outside on the grass in the shade, so I can only imagine what an inferno it was to set a trailor on asphalt. He was so wiped out, I made him get off the phone so he could safely drive the de-act back to the compound without my voice as a distraction. He scares me sometimes with his exhaustion at the end of the day.
I am currently Better
I am listening to a humming air conditioner
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Halloween Revelry:Devil's Thorn
07/30/2006 02:28 a.m.
heh. Just look in the devil's library.
I am currently Freaky
I am listening to Aladdin
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awwww.... COME ON!
07/24/2006 07:55 p.m.
Too funny. Since I work for a place (known by the inmates as bert & earnie's or alternatively, when feeling friendly, as breaking and entering.... hehehe... bert huh...
| You Are Bert | 
Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!
You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you
You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil
How you life your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others |
I am listening to ancestral home
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Invite
07/22/2006 07:17 p.m.
Invite, involve
Rewrite, revolve
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Degrees of Bye Bye
07/19/2006 11:19 a.m.
My grandson has only two categories that he works hard to enter all stimuli into, you can see the wheels turning behind his eyes. Is it bye bye or is it not bye bye. Then there are degrees of bye bye. Some stimuli is worthy of only a whispered salute. Some worthy of more forceful bye bye and some cause the hand to come up in a wave and get a BYE BYE. The last bite of banana gets a whispered bye bye. Water going down the drain gets a wave and a BYE BYE. The moon gets a bye bye.
Yes, there are degrees of bye bye.
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to Mama, do you know where my watch is?
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Recent Activity
07/09/2006 07:28 a.m.
It's very late. It's actually very early, but feels very late.
Sneaking around, reading all those naughty things. The things we don't mention... apostrophes (they are rated R, you know).
(Catagorization: Numinous Acrosticus)
When I first joined myspace:
HTML = H.ate T.his M.ysterious L.anguage
When I'm feeling spiritual and frisky:
HTML
H.eaven
T.ouched
M.y
L.anguage
When I've gone off on my children and/or their various and assorted posses:
H.ell
T.ouched
M.y
L.anguage
My daughter and I have proved that bitching is, in fact, an art form.
Thank you for your kind attention.
I am currently Clueless
I am listening to Little whiskers climbing the clock face
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Bouquets of Blame
07/08/2006 04:04 p.m.
Gathered from a garden
Filled with paths of days
trees overshadowing the paths, light and dark
ponds of schooling fish
flashing and darting in the twilight hours
of my mind
to blame
what is blame?
I must investigate the concept, wring from it every bloodied drop...
the reason for casting blame would be perceived pain?
the breath of inspiration, strangled
unless as in our human condition, pain is so much a part of life
and death
we perceive that pain is a catalyst, neither good nor evil, it just is.
simply what it is, while pain is the result of an action or a series of thoughts we find uncomfortable in our customary comfort zones. If we are calcified, as bones, and the bone get broken (though we are designed to remain fluid and flowing in time and experience)was that a bad thing? Or is it a harbinger? We can't know. Until we've passed through it, til it comes to pass, and we have the perspective the experience gains us, we're still walking blindly in a garden, gathering our bouquets of blame, perhaps, if understood correctly, the greatest catalyst for good...
break these bones, so calcified,
trailing tears no longer fluid, but immovable
cast into a mould by the world around me and the possible
misconceptions so taken for granted.
Lead me in paths of truth that I may gain
a heart with no bouquet of blame
to lay, but let me lay on graves
my gratitude.
The graves of those I've murdered
because they've caused me pain
for those who linger to bouquet my transition
with their preferred bouquets of blame
are more deeply engraved with redundant futilities
tombstones-signposts-markers- proudly displayed
in actions taken and words given
in writings so calcified...
only a breaking could redeem
aren't the unforgiving already dead and calcified
stuck in stasis
though apparently animated
like a bouqet in a vase
there's no real life in it
It's dead, but appears to be alive.
we're intended to be fluid, not only in our bodies which are mostly mass of water
but we look so solid
surely we're not intended to flow.
He took me into the rainbow, where He is. Always. That's why some revelation texts reveal they see emerald. Their perceptions are colored that way, but He IS the rainbow. It's solely dependant on what your perceptions are, that's all you can see of His beauty. It's not that His beauty is limited or flawed or illogical or imprecise. WE are. It's not that He is not beautiful, as some suggest. The flaw is found in the perception, not in the object perceived. The reflections of those I disagree with are true. They are true reflections of what is perceived. The perception is untrue because the ability to perceive new or fuller revelations is disengaged. THAT'S where the error is. hmmmph... only God can fix that. Certainly not fixable through a mere mortals words, even if undergirded by hope. Now if the gift of faith is given, and a prayer is written while holding that faith of God in plain view, how could it not accomplish what it was sent for? And it's possible to perceive the answer was never given or a negative one instead, when in fact it was answered, but it's a rainbow answer and not just emerald green. This is all way too much for me. I am in over my head. You've taken me into deep deep places Adonai. I never suspected. How could I? My perceptions were emerald green and you are the rainbow. Thank you for the abilities inherent in the great gift of faith, for faith is the greatest gift of all. I can do all things through my God. It is true, I just couldn't see it. Til I entered the rainbow sparkling with the dews of heaven (I believe it is manna, uncalcified) like diamonds.
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to Glorious
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Into a Rainbow to meet The Invisible Horse
07/07/2006 01:47 a.m.
The invisible horse met me today in about the most spectacular manner to date.
inside a rainbow. the coolest thing, Megan believed me. course i didn't couch it in those terms. no poetry allowed with her. she doesn't "get it". I can't comprehend that. my daughter doesn't "get" poetry. come to think of it, i didn't either when i was 20 (21 in exactly 2 weeks, lest we forget). guess you have to live a while before you can appreciate it. i guess some people never do. she may be one of them.
Chip is going to love this! It happened right there at Piney Woods. He loves that place on the drive to Jackson anyway. He's stopped and taken pictures of it's rustic beauty in every season while he was "De Terminiter". I could see the darkened clouds in the distance but as I approached, it started looking like a dust storm or something at the end of the rainbow. then when i got within half a mile you could see it puddle onto 49. it was the strangest phenomenon. Why didn't I stop inside it! I'm so stoopid. nobody would believe it, but it sparkles inside a rainbow. each droplet sparkles like diamonds. I am amazed. i've got to try to express it. how can you express the inexpressible? how can you convey to another, the depths and the heigths of something like that unless you experience it? i don't think it's possible. but it was so spectacular, I gotta try.
words fail me. i can't find them.
my amazement increased as i drew closer and closer. in glad disbelief, i entered in. it had to be at least a half mile wide maybe more. i should have just stopped! i couldn't appreciate it as much because of all the traffic around me and the rain intensity had increased dramatically almost making me hydroplane. My God. The rainbow was in the car with me! Ahhhh.... more than that.... He is inside of me now in the fullest spectrum.It was unbelievable. I've always wanted to see what it was like. it is awesome. absolutely stunning. OH, how my angels laugh. Their joy is infectious. i wanted them to know just how much i appreciated the effort. a pegasus at each end and my invisible horse to descend.... glorious and sparkling... My God. I'm dumb founded. words still can't express it. He took me into the rainbow, where He is. Always. That's why some revelation (speaking of John the Revelator here) texts reveal they see emerald. Their perceptions are colored that way, but He IS the rainbow. It's solely dependant on what your perceptions are, that's all you can see of His beauty. It's not that His beauty is limited or flawed or illogical or imprecise. WE are. It's not that He is not beautiful as some suggest. The flaw is found in the perception, not in the object perceived. The reflections of those I disagree with are true. They are true reflections of what is perceived. The perception is untrue because the ability to perceive new or fuller revelations is disengaged. THAT'S where the error is. hmmmph only God can fix that. Certainly not fixable through a mere mortals words, even if undergirded by hope. Now if the gift of faith is given, and a prayer is written while holding that faith of God in plain view, how could it not accomplish what it was sent for? And it's possible to perceive the answer was never given or a negative one instead, when in fact it was answered, but it's a rainbow answer and not just emerald green. This is all way too much for me. I am in over my head. You've taken me into deep deep places Adonai. I never suspected. How could I? My perceptions were emerald green and you are the rainbow. Thank you for the abilities inherent in the great gift of faith, for faith is the greatest gift of all. I can do all things through my God. It is true, I just couldn't see it. Til I entered the rainbow sparkling with the dews of heaven (I believe it is manna, uncalcified) like diamonds.
The song that was playing when I did finally stop to get a coke (yes, I am a redneck and even a diet dr. pepper is a coke) and enjoy the full blown rainbow with another paler one perfectly in dimension above it was so appropriate. It was a perfect double arc over the city of Magee. I cried. I cried for joy. I could feel you with me. I felt so loved. How can you love me this much? I know what I am. I can't understand it.
The chorus that was playing as I memorized the rainbows was:
"Rain on
I will not drown
I'm standing
on higher ground "(I just LOVE K-Love 100.9)
I'm standing on higher ground
Rain on
I will not drown
I'm standing
on higher ground..."
I wish I knew what the name of that song was. I don't even know the group. I just know, in that moment their voices were the voice of God to me...
All the little details, so many packed into one glorious hour, alone with you. Ever, Ever I want to be alone with you, Adonai...
Why are all these children in my house? When will they ever go home? hehehe.... They're so much fun. Eating me out of house and home. Teenagers can put away some vittles. Chip bought a hundred, i bought a hundred + and in 5 days it's all gone. I think there must be more vagrant teenagers settling in (like buzzards) while I'm at work every day. I'll never forget the day I got home from work and had been here for at least 30 minutes before I knew Alex was here. Jarrod was at work, so i just assumed i was here alone. Why do I keep stoopidly making that assumption? if it ain't teenagers, it's angels. Walking with God, sure ain't what I thought it would be. I don't know what I expected, but it sure wasn't this. hehehe.... it's so much better! You satisfy every yearning of my heart, Adonai. Yearnings I didn't even know were there, til you filled them. You are my heart's desire. Who is like you? Even my alcoholism has turned out to be a blessing. So many higher joys I would have missed if I'd not been all the way to the bottom to increase my capacity just for normal things, much less all the "little extras" you've thrown my way. They ain't little, and I know it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I hear the go cart going again and I absolutely REFUSE to go look. If one of them is going to kill themselves, I don't want to see it happen. I hope Nathan tightened that lug up better this time!
I love every one of them. No matter how many gray hairs they give me. I know why we go gray now. TEENAGERS!!!
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to sweet whisper of Grace
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Good Morning
07/02/2006 03:20 p.m.
Stretching, yawning, peeping toward the window light
I push bac the tangled twisted dreams sheeting my mind
To gaze at the love, not dreamed, but sleeping on my pillow
His eyes are resting, arthritic hands unstretched as yet
His love awakened the more as he sleeps and curls
His body next to mine. Resting from chasing me all over the bed all night
The more to snuggle, to push away fears of earlier rejections
To engage my body as well as my mind
With his adoring love.
This man adores me.
It is no dream, to be adored by the one I adore.
I am currently Loved
I am listening to family conversations
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