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The Journal of A. Paige White Outside
08/26/2007 05:22 p.m.
the circle of their confidences
outside I guess to stay
though for a visitation hour
I could bring an hour today
but should I?
I am not welcomed, in the know
Until the badge knocked at the door
In closet hidden with fear
his sister felt his knees
The badge is at the door for you
I will not badger for admittance
I will stay where in my place I'm put
but neither will I venture
past those wounding barbs
those calls were not for me
outside the circle
Why?
Because I would have been
again
the enforcer
a court date to keep
It's all out of my hands now.
All of it
Bigger hands than mine
hold every moment's outcome
for those inside
and those
outside
Do I kick it up a notch?
What do I do?
Do I give them the deluxe version of their exclusion?
or continue to stand where the barbs of their circle pierce their mother's heart?
Do I press into those barbs?
Shall I just give them what they seem to want?
Jesus, what do you want me to do?
I need to KNOW what you want. I need you to give me the strength and courage to do your will. Whatever that is. Jesus, what do you want me to do?
I am currently Detached
I am listening to Monster trucks
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Truly blessed
08/26/2007 02:15 p.m.
He's inside that barbed circle now
right where his self will took him
Since there's nothing I can do
absolutely nothing
I will rejoice.
God is in his corner
right where he's been cornered
the neediness of his knees to bend
the neediness of my knees to bend
There's a purpose inside the barbed circle as well
as a purpose outside it, looking in at those captured
Kim was asleep this morning on the couch
I didn't even see Alex asleep at first, lololol
sitting up at the other end with Kim's feet in his lap
I just had to tell Kim, from the heart, that I hope she won't quit coming over if she and jarrod break up, we all love her like family.
She cried last night and I hugged her close
at least her mom didn't make her break up with him over all this
She was so relieved
Even more, her mom's going to get Daniel Ware down there Monday morning
Calling in one of his favors
Erin got a ticket last night pulling out of her driveway for only having her parking lights on. That's just wild.
What next?
What next Lord?
I know it's crazy. I can't quit grinning. It just doesn't matter. I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me. All things. I can laugh, I can rejoice, I can hope on through faith. Knowing all things work together for good. Just an egg in the cake mix. roflol.... the oven was preheating already before the egg went in the mix...
Jesus you rock!
Those He loves, He chastens.
I am currently Better
I am listening to Open Season!
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another added
08/25/2007 05:17 p.m.
Thank you again, Lord!
This one was most thankfully received in the face of it's impossibility...
it is.
and here comes a boy with
choco mulk
We played in the rain. and played in the rain. and 'plashed!.
Time for a rainy day nap, I think.
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beautiful hands
08/25/2007 02:37 a.m.
And it's good.
Stephanie has been talking my ears off!
I've enjoyed it so much. I think they've finally got over my kicking them all out on their butts. Definitely know serious prayer is needed for the Raleigh High School. Outrageous. The big'uns need to head on over there. Our children need an environment of peace and safety to learn in.
Sometimes we all need a swift kick in the butt.
KimBurly is here.
They're all off tomorrow!
Ought to be interesting around here.
Tweenagers make life so much fun. When you're not feeling the need to pinch their heads off. lol.
Equal measures of both to keep things on course.
Thank you Jesus, so much, for the special blessings on Jarrod today! Thank you! I told you I'd be quick to give you praise and I know he received the blessings directly from your hands.
What beautiful hands they are.
Once fastened by spikes to wood. hands that worked in wood building and crafting.
beautiful hands. They'll never be stilled again. Still working and building and crafting...
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Two fires
08/24/2007 02:26 p.m.
Two fires
He was showing me something this morning
There are two fires
strange fire and His fire
Just as the rod of moses became a snake to swallow the conjured snake
so His fire WILL swallow the strange fire
the strange fire will be consumed in His fire.
I must research the shepherds staff now.
Those two comforts Holy Spirit comforted me with and broke my paralysis need further research for prayer
especially in the light of warning from the Gatekeepers words concerning Africa
That conjuring snake...
his tools have no understanding that they are mere puppets in his hand
and he despises them
He tricks them into believing his power is at their disposal but it's the other way around
like judas, when he's done with them they will receive only scorn..
that's all he knows
he has no concern
but he fakes it very well
The shepherd lovingly crafts and cares for his sheep
with rod and staff
How deep! How deep is His concern for his people
The lamb of God is The Lion who roars from Zion
I am currently Bemused
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Wasn't his name
08/24/2007 12:57 a.m.
Hurton Birden
When I called to get the remaining info and verify, it was Huron Birden, he said like the bird on the lake, lol, which I thought was spelled heron. heheheee
I told him what my coworker had said his name was (his spelling) and about thinkin his Mama must have had a rough pregnancy with him. Gave him a good laugh.
He said even worse, his nickname is Bubba. He's not wildman, but it was a kewl icebreaker.
Jarrod's having bad cramps. We got him some potassium tablets and he wimped out of doubling up just for tonight. He got that concerned who knows WHAT side affects look and you couldn't hold a gun to his head to take more than one. Turkey. All apologetic for it. He's the one got the cramps.
It's been a fun evening filled with our burn sessions.
Jarrod's, "Mama we were wondering does anybody actually listen to you?"
"yeah, actually, most everybody, but my FAMILY"
"No, we weren't talking about them, they're paid to listen to you."
ewwwwwwwwwwww
Can't get no respect.
And lovin it!
Funny thing, they run to me first thing, wanting me to pray for this or that... and always get that relieved look when I tell them, well let's just pray for it together now! Like just a few minutes ago with Jarrod's terrible cramps... when I didn't just jump on it right away, he asked me specifically to! And when something big happens in Megan's life, her first question is always, "have you been praying for...?"
y'all ain't fooling me...
I love you kids so much!
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to Elmo in potty training...sheeesh
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a welcoming quiet
08/23/2007 03:20 a.m.
The sounds of threats to do bodily harm have ceased.
No threats of getting after her little brother with a dull rusty knife.
No mime of digging with her shovel.
For years that was a favored deed of conveyance:
I'm going to get the shovel. I'll bury him deep in the back yard and nobody will ever know.
Mom, where's the shovel?
Anybody seen my shovel?
Time to bury Jarrod.
He was in a mood to torment her tonight.
No kidding.
Will they ever grow up?
Wherever she went, he was hot on her heels. That little brother grin in his voice.
Trying. Trying. Trying. Trying her.
Time to hit the hay.
At least there's no bed bugs there.
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to my yawns
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A real name:A real person
08/23/2007 12:28 a.m.
Hurton Birden
It's a real name.
I had to buzz Bobby and ask if it was a joke.
For real.
What's happened to my wild man?
I used to look forward to his calls and carrying on.
Haven't heard from him in months and months.
Now we got Hurton Birden.
That's just too much.
Must have been a troubled pregnancy is my ONLY guess.
Mr. Birden, I'm sorry your mama gave you a moniker like that to carry all your life, but your name sure gave some sorely needed levity at a stress filled moment.
Bed bugs.
Of all things.
If I'd put Ray in that hotel and he had gotten bitten by those things, that 6'6" mountain would have come hunting me. He got a temper too. Didn't help when I told John what I'd found out and with that innocent look he wears so well, he starts, "Now, I just signed the authorization, I didn't know NUTHIN about no bugs."
Put him in Louisville instead, extra 30 minute drive but considering the alternative...
I'm sure he was thinking,considering the size of the good ole southern boy that would come hunting us both...
the size of the man that would come huntin us... I think it's worth it.
I won't say the name of the hotel for fear of liability, but they have bed bugs. I did a research paper on those nasty critters for American Lit, once upon a time, and after that, was soooooo glad they were a thing of the past.
NOT.
I had read somewhere they were making a come back because of all the feather stuffing we're using again... sheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh
those are MEAN critters.
Y U C K
hehehe...
Ray decided he'd just go home for the evening and leave early of a morning...
makes me wonder if he'll want to get a room anywhere now....
sigh...
I'm sure somehow it will be my fault.
Only in Mississippi
sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite could be a for real salutation again.
YUCKYUCKYUCKYUCKYUCK
but lawd... If I'd have put that man in there and one had bit him during the night...
On a lighter note. There were only SIX squads for this morning AND this evening's travels.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Nothing and I like it that way
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Sabaoth of 7/49
08/21/2007 06:08 p.m.
There were SEVEN today! Seven! 2 cycles and 5 squads.
lol, i had a feeling the other day when there were four all gathered up, just standing around chit chatting in the median just into simpson county they were fixing to hit 49 hard...
but SEVEN?!?
Got to be a new record, lol.
They just ain't playing around.
You will NOT speed on 49.
heheeee
Not a problem now-a-days since I'm usually up at the latest by 5:15.
No wonder Katherine only saw one. They were all on 49.
..."Don't you panic, as so many of your neighbors are doing ...Don't fear anything except the Lord of the armies of heaven! If you fear Him, you need fear nothing else. He will be your safety; but Israel and Judah have refused His care and thereby stumbled against the Rock of their salvation and lie fallen and crushed beneath it. God's presence among them has endangered them?"
(This is bible! NOT mine, just don't know where it came from, he neglected to tell me in the email)
Read in context of my morning understandings and directions, the Lord of the armies of heaven, most certainly is the Lord of personal peace and rest, as your first impression told us.
Praise the Lord Sabaoth! (In one context of the message version) instead of Lord of Sabaoth, it called Him the Master Avenger.
I am currently Peaceful
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Strengthening
08/20/2007 03:12 p.m.
Whew.
So glad Dean isn't going to visit us.
Whew.
I hate that He's visiting anyone, but, I'm thrilled not to have to go recan the larder.
It was a hard, yet victorious weekend.
in lieu of the usual, I got MUCH scrubbing and such done, lol.
Brian has endeared himself with us all. He's one of the family now. Chase came over with him Saturday night, lol, I guess to give his stamp of approval on whatever's taking him away from their get togethers. They played cards late into the night and goodness gracious! I don't think I'm up to Logan sleeping in my bed with me anymore. Lawd! That child put the wiggle in wiggle worm. His final position after his ALLNIGHT wrestle was feet to the pillow and head toward the foot.
The kids (jarrod)called angie friday night. my dream scared them I think. Scared me too. We may not be hanging out anymore, but she'll always be my bestest childhood friend.
I am currently Quiet
I am listening to copies
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