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why i haven't been here...or just excuses.
07/27/2009 09:08 p.m.
my activity here has been scarce. not just my writing, but my reading of other's work as well.

life has been handing me lemons.

i have been put on an anti-depressant because my family doctor things i'm manic. that i suffer from mania. that i'm a maniac. this is like defeat for me, a mind over matter person. my consumption of his prescription of Paxil is hit and miss. mostly because i forget to take it, mostly because i feel i don't need too.

last month, i had ecoli...in my kidneys. i went 4 days without consuming a drop of food because i couldn't. i lost 10 lbs. in those 4 days. i gained some of my appetite back but it lingered on for about 3 weeks.

last week, i moved out and back into my parents after being broken. i also had to go to the ER because within a matter of 2 hours i lost my voice. i had no voice for 3 days. thank you sinus infection. since then, i've become a "tuna" as my mother as put it and moved out of my parents house and back to where i left. sucker.

and now, the biggest thing...a month ago, my father told me about some medical issues he was having and how they think he has colon cancer. there isn't anything i wouldn't do for my padre. i would give him my heart and die so he could live. and now, that just may be the case. i've already got it instilled in my head that he has cancer. and if he really does have cancer, then i've already started planning his funeral. TOMORROW is the day. he has his test tomorrow and then we'll know either way for sure.


i love and miss you all. thoughts and prayers are greatly appreciated.

Comments (3)


r.s.v.p.
04/30/2009 10:35 p.m.



I found no humor in the invitation to his wedding. After all, less than a year ago, I was with him and we were supposed to get married until we split in the nastiest break up known to man.

I was instantly livid. I find it extremely rude and mean, uncalled for and just plain spiteful.

I thought about publicly posting a blog (on a site that I know he has access too) about how wrong it is.

I thought about attending and ruining it all.

But instead, I'm going to RSVP with no intention of going at all. I just want to instill panic on them.





I am currently Sly
I am listening to Rootless Tree - Damie Rice

Comments (1)


i'm sure this will pass...
04/16/2009 06:33 p.m.


the feeling of wanting to disappear isn't disappearing. it's not today, it's not yesterday, or tomorrow. it's everyday.

i've got ten thousand things in my head going infinite miles a minute.

i'm so sick of this feeling. feeling sad and crazy and wanting to run around in circles till i'm dizzy enough to die. feeling pressure.



i'm hoping to come back harder, better, faster, stronger.

and saner.

and to open arms.

someone's open arms...anyone's...



until further notice, i'm on a hiatus.
I am currently Detached

Comments (2)


impossible.
04/13/2009 07:06 p.m.
i want to fall off the face of the planet.
I am currently Bleh

Comments (1)


i'm a woman with a voice, hear me roar.
03/30/2009 07:37 p.m.
Tracey Paradiso told me that when it comes to anything medical, women need to be their own advocates. Joan Serratelli also stated that doctors and such work for us. We pay them. So with those 2 valuable pieces of information, this is how the phone call to my doctor's office went today.

nurse: Family practice, can I help you?
me: Yes, I'm a patient of Dr. Steineck and I was in the ER Friday night and was wondering if he could give me a call whenever he's available to do so.
nurse: OK, don't you need to schedule a follow up?
me: No, not really.
nurse: OK, then what's your question? I can pull the ER report and he can look at it and give you an answer and a nurse can call you back.
me: Well, I didn't go to the ER your office is affiliated because I went a few weeks ago and they didn't do anything for me.
nurse: See, the doctor's don't really like it when patients call and leave messages asking them to return their phone calls.
me: No offense, but I don't really care what he likes and what he doesn't like. He works for me, I pay him.

She put me on hold, came back, gathered the rest of my info and said he'll be in tomorrow afternoon.

I win.



Comments (2)


no one knows my body like me
03/29/2009 06:11 p.m.
friday night while throwing in a blind draw tournament, i had major cramps come out of no where. it felt like someone was stabbing my girl parts with a knife. i couldn't stand up. i couldn't sit down. i was carried out and i cried the entire way home.

i went to the emergency room, getting there around 1:30 am. i was extremely mean and rude to the triage guy because i was afraid he was going to shun me off. anyway, i was there over night. i had to wait for the ultrasound tech to come in and that wasn't till 5 am. i ended up getting to leave at 8 am.

the verdict is this...


i have a 2 inch follicle cyst in my left fallopian tube and a fibroid on my uterus.


i told you i wasn't crazy.
I am currently Frustrated

Comments (1)


vampires and fasting.
03/19/2009 02:18 a.m.
today i had to go for my bloodwork.

i had to fast for at least 12 hours and my doctor's appointment was at 2 pm. nothing allowed but water.

a combination of not eating, stolen blood, and that time of the month, made me faint for the first time ever.

Comments (1)


tomorrow is finally here.
03/15/2009 09:39 p.m.
tomorrow is the day.

i'm scared beyond belief. i'm scared that i'll be brushed or that i won't get what i need.

tomorrow is the day that hopefully, i get answers.

I am currently Anxious

Comments (3)


In rememberance of Chris Romano
02/26/2009 11:08 p.m.
As most of you may know, Chris Romano is no longer with us here at Pathetic.org. As too why, I'd rather not go into it. Please direct your attention to the thread titled "Chris Romano" in the general forum. I know that he had some very close friends here whom he'd like to keep in touch with and would like to keep in touch with him. I'm taking the liberty of making the contact between those people possible. If you wish to keep in touch with "Grated Cheese", please feel free to email him at your will at justthedrummer@gmail.com.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Comments (0)


to my pathetic friends....
01/15/2009 10:21 p.m.
one again, i have managed to mess up my charger on my laptop so, depending upon what the geek squad wants to do, either repair it or give me a new laptop seeing as how this will be the FOURTH time, i will be gone.

i'll miss you. send love. if anyone would like to keep in touch, shoot me a message, and we'll arrange something till i get back.


thank you all.

Comments (0)


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