Little uphill part of the path 11/30/2011 09:51 a.m.
Just over 24 hours until Carla's surgery. I have mixed feelings. I wish she didn't have to have it done. I wish she hadn't signed a DNR, but I respect her decision to do so. I wish her younger girls would grow up and figure it out, for they have a mother full of light and love and attitude who would lay down and die for them if the situation called for it. And when the situation doesn't call for it, she's loyal and loving and fair, and those are precious gifts, even if they do come from your own mother.
I am loving being with Carla and Steven. They are a hoot together, and the way they care for me is such an amazing experience. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. It's one of those situations where the love just exponentially increases as it flows out, floods back in, and then flows back out again. I know, bordering on a puke bucket moment, but I can't help it....it's THAT good here.
I'm not saying there aren't flaws in the fabric. Nothing bears that sort of impeccable and intolerable perfection, anywhere.
I was called this morning for an interview at The American Red Cross. A very demanding job, heading out every week for potentially different drive locations all over Kansas and northern Oklahoma, gone for a 5-day week at a time in a hotel, and home on the weekends. I wouldn't have considered it before, but now, I guess I'm available. The wage is really good, and the benefits are amazingly good, and in this economy, it would be a huge blessing! We'll see how it turns out :) Exciting. Sooooo exciting!
Oh, and this weekend, a friend of Carla's and Steven's is coming to visit, and I'm really looking forward to it! I guess they've known him for over a year and half. He friended me on facebook a few weeks ago, and we've had some very interesting conversations about 5D earth, and ascension, and 2012, and poetry, and music, and all sorts of things!! This should be fun! That is, of course, if he can be stolen away from the bromance he and Steven sport in gaming and hulu. Heheh!!
Ok, it's late, and my night owl self is finally feeling sleepy.
I am currently: peaceful
Listening to: The Wandering Madman
Life certainly has a way of throwing me curve balls lately. Adam and I broke up. With great respect and love and honor of each other’s journeys, but yes, done again. Strangely, neither one of us seem to be all that upset by it. And that feels good. And that feels strange and sad as well.
But so much of life is strange these days. So MANY things changing so quickly. And all the talk of Mayan Calendar endings, and a 5D world, ascension, shifting. Major shifting.
Adjusted shortish term plan: Remain here until Carla has recovered from surgery. After that? I don’t have my teeth sunk into anything solid yet. I may continue to stay here with Carla and my brother in law (they’ve been wonderful to me and for me), work, and then just see what comes. Or I might head back to The Dalles and see what happens. I’ve been thinking about going back to school, and that’s one place I could do it. Or……?
In the meantime (oh no, not the “mean”time ) I’m trying to meditate more. For once, I can “see” my healthy body and I’ve set about to manifest that. I have potentially new sights on new horizons. The world is an open book, and I’m going to write the story exactly the way I want to see it unfold.
I’ve experienced a very interesting set of readings from my angel cards in the last several weeks, and so much of what was brought to my attention seems to be popping up on the radar and then very quickly into reality. I have an entirely new appreciation for synchronicity and intuition.
I feel the rumbling under my gypsy toes. I feel the breath of a new Gaia. Love is EVERYWHERE! There is an amazing feast of interesting videos and articles and conversations. I’m headed off on a tangent, I think, but then…. wherever I’m headed will be new and adventurous, even though the fact that I’m on the go, again, is old news.
Thank you, Universe, for this amazing life, for the roof over my head, for the food I am fortunate enough to eat. Thank you, Higher Self, for allowing a gentler me to emerge. Thank you, Guides, for giving me clues along the way so I don’t get too lost. Thank you, friends, for being supportive and loving despite my apparently “flighty” soul. And thanks, most of all, to the magic that sustains me.
Life is good.
I am currently: marveled
Listening to: the latest synchronicity(s)
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Rumi 11/04/2011 01:06 a.m.
I ADORE Rumi. He somehow finds divine truth, and then paints a picture of that divinity with words. I suspect there is a modern day Rumi out there, and if there is, I intend to find that individual and share a meal, or just a moment. *blissful sigh*
I think it's time for poetry overhaul. When I first got to pathetic seven years ago, (OMG, SEVEN years???)I thought that separating out the poems by subject seemed like a good idea. Trouble is, too many poems could go in many different folders.
On reflection, the things I tend to write about are usually, at least marginally, about what's going on in my life at the time.
So, maybe a sequential method of filing everything? I don't know. Suggestions??
I am currently: hooting like the night owl I am
Listening to: the sound of my own thoughts echoing in my head. Oy.
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One of those days..... 10/25/2011 07:40 a.m.
Today hasn't gone so well. I'm going to write about it in chronological order, not in order of importance...
I got a speeding ticket today. I was going 31 mph in a neighborhood that is a 20 mph throughout the entire neighborhood, and I thought it was 25. Even then, I still would have been going 6 mph over the speed limit. Oy. And, I'm just the kind of person who, if pulled over, ALWAYS gets a ticket. It doesn't matter why I guess. *sigh* It just feels horrible because 1) I don't have a job/way to pay for the ticket myself and 2) I'm generally hyper-vigilant about obeying traffic laws. But I was talking to my sister (who was with me in the car), and NOT paying enough attention to the speed signs. We had passed one, and I missed it. So I AM guilty, and I deserve the ticket. It just sucks. 11 mph over the speed limit is $105.00 here. I have $4 in my wallet, and some change, and maybe about the same amount in my checking account. Ugh.
Then, my son called, and he's having some tests run on his heart. He just turned 27. He said he'd had a weird episode last night. Dizziness, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and then his entire left side went numb and he got a horrible headache all at once. My son is not one to hype anything physical. Infact, he's the opposite in that he tends to try to shrug things off. But he was so concerned that he took himself to the ER. His blood pressure was elevated, and they ran and EKG which turned out to be normal. So today they've had him on a Holter monitor. But he was, understandably, a bit shaken. I'm worried, of course, but not overly so until we know the test results. No sense in borrowing trouble at this point.
Then, and this is VERY minor, my sister wanted to treat me to a pedicure. I argued at first, and then relented, feeling blessed. I got my nails painted, but I'd worn the wrong shoes and the nail polish was all smudged up when I got home. Infinitesimally small potatoes, I know. Just added it because it's just been a heck of a day all things considered.
So, I shall take some deep breaths, and tomorrow is a new day. I haven't had much luck finding a job here. Adam, bless him, has been sending me some money every week so I can at least contribute a little to the household here and pay the two personal bills that I have that are non-negotiable at the moment.
I miss Journey, my bike. I miss my kids. I miss my grandson, Atreyu and my son, Joe. I miss my dog, Keefer. I miss Astoria and the girls I worked with. I miss my grandmother and my Dream Group girls, and my "sister wives" (my group of besties from high school).
In other news....my grandmother isn't do so well. I mean, I'm not surprised. She just turned 92 after all. She tells me 20 times, every time I call, how much she misses me and wishes I would come back to The Dalles. Breaks my heart.
My short term plan at the moment is to go apply, tomorrow, for a temp position. I'll be available to work until my sister, Carla, has her surgery on Dec. 1. Then, I'll help out here until she is recovered. And then I'm considering going back to The Dalles. I REALLY don't want to be a burden to my sister and brother in law.
Adam and I have been unable to save any money yet toward my going to the UK, and as it stands, the computer situation here doesn't really lend itself to my being trained to help with his business, so I can't help him take any more work on. On a positive note, though, I did get my passport. YAYYYYYY!!! So, WHEN we get the money saved, I'm ready to go.
I am currently: teary-eyed
Listening to: Pandora Radio - New Age ambient
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keyboards and music 10/10/2011 06:17 a.m.
I wish I could write music the way my fingers know where all the keys are and just take off putting words to paper. If I could play music the way I hear it in my head, get it out of me the way I write, I think I wouldn't feel so befuddled most of the time. The music gets all piled up, nowhere for it to be released.
I get flashes of inspiration, and I know it isn't me making it up. It's some sort of cosmic infusion. It can't possibly be my own.
So far, being in Kansas is still....foreign. I miss everyone, but especially my kids.
I'm a sleepy old newspaper whisked all over the country by an uninvested wind. (Yes, I know that's not a word...)
I am currently: on my way to bed
Listening to: a fan in the window
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Outskie for a bitskie.... 09/01/2011 12:01 a.m.
Well, the time to move is upon me yet again. Internet gets shut off on Friday, so tomorrow will likely be my last day online. Just wanted everyone to be forwarned (or relieved, as the case may be...LOL) that there will only be silence from this direction until about the middle of Sept.
When I post again, it will likely be from my sister's in Kansas. Yes, I said "Kansas" (I could hear your "KANSAS?? WTH???" all the way from here :)
I am currently: packing and whatnot
Listening to: my body yell at me for working it too hard, and falling down. Heh. Silly body.
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On trying to make things right 07/28/2011 01:30 a.m.
How many times can a world go off kilter
Before it folds in on itself?
How many ways can one person
Feel totally out of sync
With their own life
Before they hook back up
With their true destiny.
Sometimes, it just feels too late.
I'm so very tired.
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On thursday, the space shuttle 07/20/2011 01:34 p.m.
When the space shuttle lands on Thur, everyone wear ape suits. Pass it on.
Ack! I really dislike when I write mediocre poetry for one thing. But when someone NOTICES it's mediocre (i.e., rates it), yet leaves no helpful feedback...that really sucks.
I felt I had some good ideas with that poem, but it just didn't work in the end. However, I would love to explore know why it didn't work.
It would be SO cool if this community could do that for one another. I know it goes on sometimes, but it sure doesn't seem like a lot of it is public.
One of the things I LOVED about the poetry class I took was hearing other writers' work critiqued in a supportive and constructive way. Even if someone just shrugged and said "I don't know, I just didn't like it..." the professor would probe until it was pinned down, and something helpful came out of it.
I am currently: done ranting
Listening to: my daughter in law's morning (nighttime) sickness. Poor girl. But it's still icky.
