Awesome trip to Portland
01/20/2008 08:01 a.m.

Miah and I drove into Portland tonight to attend a home ISKCON meeting, and it was awesome. Nice Kirtan, wonderful Bhagavad Gita message, and so much prasadam I thought my tummy would burst.

The message was mostly about just living life, even if imperfectly, doing what it is that's before you to do, whether that's being at a job, raising a family, going about the necessities of daily life in this age of kaliyuga (the age of chaos and quarrel)...and how it's better to do your own "job" as God's servant imperfectly instead of trying to do someone else's "job" in life perfectly (for example, trying to live as a monk if that wasn't really your calling). And seeing Krshna (God) in everyone, and being able to be a servant to all based on the fact that everyone has Krshna living inside them. It was just what I needed to hear as I've been seriously contemplating what living as a strict vaishnava would mean for me, and wondering if I could ever live up to that standard. Well, it isn't about that, it's just about trying to keep God in mind as much as possible, and chanting the holy names of God as much as possible in these end times.

And we were sent home with two plates of prasadam (vegetarian food that has been offered to God and, therefore, the best food ever!!!) to eat and share with the rest of the family. Meme even wants to try some - yummy!!!

Every time I go I get more inspired and look forward to hanging out with other devotees again, and to learn, learn, learn. The Dalles has SOOOOOO many churches, but none Hindu. It would be so cool, though, if there was one here...


I am currently Passionate
I am listening to Jeremiah drifting off to sleep

Comments (0)

Went to the doctor
01/19/2008 04:28 p.m.

I don't have strep or pneumonia, so that was good. But my right ear drum does seem to have ruptured and still appears to be infected so she gave me an antibiotic for that. She wasn't sure about my left ear drum, though, as she said it may have ruptured and healed already. All I know is I still can't hear from my right ear. My left ear has sort of "popped" a few times, and when it does that my hearing returns a little more each time.

Kate didn't have strep or pneumonia either, and her lungs and ears seemed clear, so....the doctor said there are several community acquired viruses, nasty ones, going around, and we just happen to keep acquiring them from being out and about. But I swear if I heard a convincing enough conspiracy theory, I would buy into it!! Too many people in our little community have this, and it has the distinct characteristic of subsiding for a couple of days and then re-attacking with more vengence. I know I probably sound like an idiot laymen, but it is weird!

Meme's doctor's visit in Portland revealed very similar results, only they actually did a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, and her lungs "looked GREAT". They did give her some antibiotic for the swelling in her glands in her throat, though, and I would have argued but she doesn't take them often at all and at her age, it's probably not going to hurt anything.

Jeremiah seems to be getting better, all he seems to have left over is being tired and an occasional cough.

So I guess we're all just going to have to get over this virus, whatever it is. I am not coughing quite as much, and it seems more productive than before, which I think is a good sign. I cancelled my appointment with the ENT doc on Monday since I should probably get done with the antibiotic and the see if the congestion clears up before I go to him, kind of see where I'm at with my ears when I'm finally over this stuff.

Improvement, though, *knocking on wood*, I think.


I am currently Tired

Comments (0)

Going to the doctor, finally
01/16/2008 10:47 p.m.
Ok. Well, I've broken down and made appointments for all of us (except for Jeremiah, he's being stubborn) to go see a doc about whatever this is that has been coming and going for the last six weeks.

And I made an appointment with the ear-nose-throat doc to check out my ears. My ear infection is gone, I think, but my hearing is not returning. Not good. But maybe he can take a look and at least give me some sort of a prognosis based on the exam.

It would be so much nicer if we could just all be well now.

*sigh*

Plus, I lost my cell phone last Wednesday (or it was stolen, I don't know which) and that day, someone used it by accessing the internet and downloading some stuff, to the tune of $84.04. I called Sprint, and they said they would credit the amount and suspend the number so it couldn't be used anymore. I was so hoping that in the stupor of my illness that maybe I'd just dropped the phone in my car or something and that it would turn up. It just feels so weird knowing that I didn't just lose it, that someone actually got their hands on it and had access to all my personal stuff (luckily I didn't have access to my bank or anything on there), AND THEN had the nerve to charge up my bill!!!! And of course, I'm going to have to continue to pay the bill while not having a phone to use, and I wouldn't be suprised if we end up getting stupid little charges like ring tones for $9.99 a month forever that I have to untangle. Thankfully, my phone ran out of juice really quickly (it was almost dead the day I went to the store with it anyway) and apparently whoever had it didn't have a way to charge it back up cause there were no further charges but the day I lost it. Ugh!!!



I am currently Bothered
I am listening to the several new tones ringing in my ears

Comments (0)

Not good
01/13/2008 03:23 a.m.
We're all so sick at my house. Jeremiah is on his third day off, coughing and fevers and sore throat and congestion. Kate is the same. She has medical insurance, so hopefully I can find a doctor that will take state insurance. I can't hear at all out of my left ear, and my right is so stopped up still I can barely hear out of it. I think both of my eardrums burst last night as fluid leaked from both. This morning there were streaks of blood in my coughing. I know, it's crazy that I'm not in the ER, but I just can't afford a big hospital bill. I'm going to try to hang on until Monday and see if I can find a doctor who will see me. As funny as it sounds, though, I keep thinking I'm going to be on the upswing of this thing anytime. I just keep telling myself my body will beat this. If it was just me who was this ill, I would be kind of worried. But I hear it's all over this podunk little town. I'll just be really glad when we all finally feel well for more than two or three days at a stretch.

Ugh.


I am currently Troubled
I am listening to the sound of my heart whoosh-whoosing in my ears

Comments (0)

Spoke too soon
01/09/2008 03:55 p.m.

Ack!!! Post nasal drip that, AGAIN, made my throat raw, collected at the top of my lungs and is causing coughing and icky production. And NOW, my left ear is hurting. OMG! WHEN is this going to go away? I have no insurance to go see a doc, and I've had trouble finding anyone who would see me without insurance or a bonafide income, and the local "low income" clinic is weeks out with their appointments. I guess I'd better call and make one, though, as it seems this thing is not going away. It's been nearly 6 weeks now. I also could call the physician I worked for. She MIGHT see me, but I know she's swamped already with "can't pay" patients.

Double ACK! I think I have a hairball.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to the mantra "sick and tired of being sick and tired"

Comments (0)

Finally feeling better!
01/05/2008 09:21 p.m.

We are finally beginning to *knock on wood* feel better at my house. Meme is still coughing a little, and Kate has the sore throat now, but hopefully it won't turn into the other things we had. We're still a bit tired all around, but I finally had the energy to get caught up on the laundry and get the dishes ALL the way done - LOL! That's GOT to be a good sign.

Feeling all around grateful for good health!




I am currently Better
I am listening to the baby monitors in grandma's part of the house

Comments (0)

A year ago
01/02/2008 11:30 p.m.

The story doesn't begin here at all, but it's where I'm going to start.

Just over a year ago, if anyone had told me that I would be in a long term relationship, reunited with Jeremiah, I would have scoffed them off the face of the planet. It just didn't seem possible. First of all, he is 18 years younger than me (he's 27 and I'm 45), and while he is an absolutely wonderful human being and an old soul very interested in his spiritual well being like me, we had decided years ago that despite the amazing bond we developed, the age difference was too vast (to put it simply). On top of that, as of just over a year ago, he had been in a relationship with a woman his own age (for the better part of four years) whom I believed would be his wife someday. I fully expected to someday hear of the marriage, and then later, of their children. It seemed right, and I was at peace with being happy for him and his bride. Exchanging only the most casual emails (usually a Christmas greeting), we stayed caught up with one another and the major events of our lives.

Well, last Christmas, I sent him the usual "Merry Christmas to you and yours" and his reply was his contemplation of coming up to Oregon for a visit. I wasn't sure what he meant. Did he mean with or without his significant other, and how would I handle that? Well, as it turned out, they had broken up not long before, and he was setting out to travel (he is really a nomad at heart) and thought to include my town as a stop. We started talking, and it wasn't long before we talked in terms of beginning an exclusive relationship. On January 1, 2007, we decided even before he got here that we were both at ages where it wouldn't be completely unheard of to give a relationship a try.

It took him some time to wrap things up in California - finish out his job responsibly, say goodbye to long time friends, etc, and he got here on March 12th. I took a week's vacation, and we spent a week in Portland and on the coast getting re-aquainted and having fun. I didn't know how things would be with my family, with my children especially. At first, we decided we would try it as a visit. Well, things were amazingly wonderful and he decided he would stay with me, except that he had trouble finding a suitable job at first and spent a week in Eugene checking things out there to see if he could find employment. I'm pretty basically rooted here until my youngest children graduate (the triplets are 16 and will graduate June of 2009) and I'm also my grandmother's sole caretaker. But being separated for that week was so excruciatingly difficult for both of us that we decided he would take whatever job he could find here in The Dalles, and so he came back, applied at a local grocery chain and was hired.

My children are crazy about him, his integrity, his humor, the subtle guidance he sometimes offers them, his spiritual point of view. They have developed a respect for him that surprises me, given their history of general disinterest or downright dislike of the men I've dated over the past couple of years. My elder family members (my grandmother, aunt and mother) are very impressed by him and like him very much, even though they admit to skeptism about a solid future with a man 18 years younger than me.

For myself, I have run the gamut of emotions in the last year. I've wanted to run away at times, just to save myself from my (anyone's) greatest fear - eventual rejection. Other times, I've found myself pressing in despite the lack of any statement of intention from him. I've been concerned about the possibility that he would eventually (and understandably) desire to be with a woman with whom he could have his own biological children (as I had my tubes tied after the triplets AND my childbearing years are surely winding WAY down). I have had to lay aside my expectation that this would progress in a traditional fashion. I have found my feelings deepening despite the self-protective boundaries I've run into where my own heart is concerned. I'm just not sure "where" we are headed in terms of being traditionally grounded. I would prefer marriage, (though I'm not quite sure why in light of my track record in that department) feeling too old to be someone's "girlfriend" especially given the depth of my feelings for him, and, also, his stated feelings for me. I think, perhaps, we simply have different ideas of the marriage endeavor and what that means.

But the one thing I've discovered is that my heart and soul are his clear through to the end of my life. This is the one. There will be no other. Wherever this journey takes me, and even if it leaves me alone in its conclusion, there has never been nor will there ever be a greater love for me to experience than this one...all the glory, challenges, fears, whatever work must be done to see this through, I am joyfully participating 100%. It doesn't involve intention. It just is.

We make each other laugh so much. We engage in these deeply spiritual and philisophical discussions ranging from Jesus to Krishna to Great Spirit and beyond, the beginning of time, past lives, future lives; goals for ourselves as individuals and how those might synchronistically evolve into to goals we can achieve together, plans for our future; how to equip my children (slowly becoming his children too)to deal with life in this age of quarrel and chaos; vegetarianism, the challenge of cooking vegetarian and still pleasing the meat eaters in our family; politics (a subject I had historically avoided due to my inability to understand it globally until Jeremiah 'splained' things to me in his way). We share passion for music, and we love jammin together (him on guitar, me on keyboard). We both love our passion for written expression and sharing that passion. We appreciate each other's particular challenges in living, and, so far, support one another through them with love and compassion and tolerance. We enjoy one another's company so much, sometimes unable to find words to describe it, just "being" together without saying a word. Whatever this is that we're doing together, it just feels amazingly right.

And, lastly, I just find myself delighted and grateful that he would find any pleasure in being a part of my funny little life, with all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, with all my overwhelming responsibilities, that he would love me with my big forhead and overweight self and goofy teeth. I feel blessed, so blessed, and for the present, I'm not inclined to change a thing.


I am currently Devoted

Comments (2)

If i don't get well soon
12/29/2007 05:42 p.m.

So, something (a virus, what?) has settled in my left upper and lower jawbone, and I can't seem to touch the pain (even with Vicodin), which at times is a 13 on the old "what's your pain on a scale of 1-10". Thankfully it does seem to subside at times - for instance, right now it's at about a 5. It hurts, and hurts bad, and the kids got dental insurance through the state, but none available for adults. I have no idea what I'm going to do.

Meme is sneezing again, and with a sore throat. It's been a month now that we've all had this cold. I'm going to have to get ahold of her Kaiser doc and at least see if we can't check into whatever this is at least for her sake. It's not like we've had it solidly the whole month. For a few days, we all seem to get better, and then - whammy - it hits us all again.

I'm just stumped. Stumped and exhausted. And frustrated.
I am currently Frustrated
I am listening to my teeth scream

Comments (0)

What an awesome holiday...
12/26/2007 07:24 a.m.


Ahhhh, even sick as I am, I couldn't have asked for a better holiday. I had four of my six kids here, and my step-daughter from my last marriage (who is really still one of my kids anyway) came from college. Miah was amazingly wonderful, and everyone loved the video games we got. We had one of the best family days I think we've ever had. Steven pulled me aside and said, "Mom, this was the best Christmas EVER." And then Amanda said the same thing to her other siblings, and everyone agreed. Then Courtney (my step daughter) brought in a game she'd gotten from one of her other relatives, and it was a blast playing that game.

I'm feeling twighlight-zoney and blissfully blessed. Today was a good day, everyone laughing and eating and playing games together. Together. Ahhhhhhh. Such a wonderous, amazing word today. Together.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to Miah play the blues improv

Comments (2)

Meme 12-25-07
12/25/2007 06:21 p.m.

Meme was asking what we were going to eat for Christmas dinner. I told her I thought we'd have tacos or something easy like that, but reminded her that we'd love it if she felt up to joining us upstairs to open the packages etc. and then have some supper. She remembered one Christmas (she couldn't remember if she and Grandpa were quite married yet or not) when Grandpa's mother's maid, Maria, fixed tamales on Christmas eve. She said it was the tradition then....they'd all go to the midnight mass and then come home and have tamales and coffee. She said that year, Teeta (the nickname for my great-grandfather) had gone hunting and killed a one point buck, just barely legal, and the maid prepared the tamales using the young buck meat. She said they were the best tamales she can ever remember eating, ever. So she wasn't too weirded out by the prospect of having mexican food for the holiday. :-)

We got her a very simple, basic, one-button CD player and my aunt donated tons of CD's (the crooners, classical, etc....some of Meme's favorite kind of music)so I'm pretty excited about her opening her present!!! Now she'll have music to listen to during the day instead of having the tv blare inane politics all day. Icky!!! And it frustrates her to listen to the debates. I often hear her cussing the speakers out for talking over one another or for employing "just plain foolish talk."

That's all, just wanted to get it down for the record.


Comments (0)

Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 Entries