forgetting you
10/24/2005 02:12 a.m.
it has occured to me that
forgetting you
is not possible, however
moving on
is a necessity

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we all have our therapies
10/23/2005 04:20 p.m.
i'd like to turn all this pain
into melody
i'd like to think my music
is more powerful than any
heartbreak

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writing poems in class again
10/18/2005 08:50 p.m.
i'm not surprised
that it was a
heat-of-the-moment
thing, and not an
i'm-crazy-about-you
thing

and i guess i should have seen it coming,
but i'll be honest and say i was absorbed by
your touch
your scent
your words
(you said i was pretty and god knows i haven't
heard that in awhile)

and in between our breath
stained with alcohol
i should have said
"i want things to stay this way"
but i was absorbed by
the gentleness of your hand
the depth of your eyes
the softness of your skin

and so the next morning
i should not be surprised it was simply a
heat-of-the-moment
thing

*

i take long drives at dusk
and i am haunted by
the juggling of theories between my thoughts

and i think about
the boy who left me,
the boy who won't take me,
and the boy who needs me

and my heart cries while
my brain tries to talk her out of it

but reality is that i'm lost
(and i need something)

i admire the sunset because i don't care
if it's cliché;
i like the way orange clouds drip onto
purple sky

and i think:
i'd like to meet god,
he is the most wonderful painter

*

i think you
are a work of art
more precious than a
matisse or monet

i think every measurement on you
is perfect,
it is truly divine craftsmanship

it is the type of beauty
that cannot be captured,
only experienced

and instead of trying to
map out your blue prints
i will say that
i would trade a van gogh
for you any day

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poems on sheet music
10/16/2005 11:54 p.m.
i wrote these down on the back of some sheet music. they're rough, i guess.

*

i don't like to admit this
but at times i still
think of you

i see the places
where we met,
i walk through rooms where we
shared a kiss,
i sleep in a bed where
we made love

and these memories
gently replay themselves
like a foggy dream
and i remember

exactly how all of these moments felt,
exactly how my heart would soar

and i wonder how i would've felt
if i knew it would
end like this

*

i hate you
not just for leaving me
or changing your mind

i hate you
for every sacrafice i made
(without one in return)
for every kiss i gave
(to a turned cheek)
for every time i said you were beautiful
(to never hear it myself)
for every time i told you i loved you
(to never hear you loved me, too)

i hate you for
all of that

but the thing with love is
once you sell your heart,
no amount of hate, mistakes, or heartbreaks
can stop it from loving

*

you always though poetry was stupid
(especially mine, i'm sure)

but i often wonder
if you'd read about
how much i miss you
and how much you've
killed me inside
you'd see something in
poetry
besides the words and
the funny line breaks

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listen to vivaldi
10/10/2005 07:24 p.m.
i'd like to think
we could find a time
to lay around and
play with each others hair
just for the feeling

and maybe we could kiss
while we listen to
vivaldi or something
because
i'm not sure how i feel about you
or if i feel anything

but i'd like to give a try because, hey,
life is about living

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first day of autumn
10/09/2005 05:36 a.m.
it's the first day of autumn
and i woke up alone
as though both he and the equinox
feel my life should be
colder

and i run my fingers
over the phone
wanting to call and ask
if i could crawl in your bed
for awhile
just to smell you again

it's the first day of autumn
and i am alone

*

i just remembered this poem. i wrote it a few weeks ago and pathetic had a site problem and lost it. i'm trying to re-create it, but i'm really upset i don't have the original anymore. i only remembered the first and last stanzas; i just have to make up a new middle section.

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i don't want to
10/08/2005 03:52 a.m.
i don't want to
sleep in the clothes
you lent me
anymore

i don't want to
read your love letters
anymore
or dial your number
anymore

i'd just like to move on

i'd like to feel a warm embrace
from someone else

but somehow
i'm having trouble letting go

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the last few nights
10/06/2005 10:10 p.m.
i am looking back
i am remembering
the last few nights
of our relationship

i'm looking back
on every time we hung up
because we knew no one would win
the argument
and how much regret i'd feel later
and call you back

i'm re-living
the way i wanted to kiss you
and how you said you were tired;
the way i held you
and the way you slept (to escape)

i'm remembering
the last time i said "i love you"
i hope you remember;
and i hope it kills you
that you didn't say it back

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a fight in a stairwell
10/06/2005 07:11 p.m.
we're yelling
at each other
on the staircase
(you, at the top
me, a flight below)
our voices
our anger
(our struggle)
is echoing,
bouncing,
off the cinderblock walls

and you can feel the
tension,
my pain, my fury
carrying up
the stairs to you
and your apathy
falling down to me

"you should be happy,"
i say,
"this is what you wanted.
i'm the one who's alone and miserable."
it is shocking
how this bounces right off of you
like the echos in the stairwell

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poetry like poison
10/05/2005 12:41 a.m.
i want you to hear
everything i've got to say
about you
and about how you
ruined me

i want every word to pierce you
and like a needle, then sew you back up
i want every word to hit you in the chest
and leave you breathless
i want every word to knock you
down

i want to use my poetry
like poison

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