The Journal of Christopher Shin Early morning complaints.
04/29/2007 09:26 a.m.
Today my mind was sleeping and slowly I wish I could become more then I thought when I was young. I went to a class I really don't care about. I am doing things that I considered a game. People I wouldn't care about, and races and culture I barely understand that many believe I should be a part of. I wish I could drink, bu I can't afford it. I wish I can dream again but there isn't a point to it. Caffeine and nicotine are my only solution. Ugh I'm tired, and I feel like bitching, but all I got is stupid excuses and lame self pity.
Comments (0)
Drink Thoughts.
04/23/2007 09:18 a.m.
Drunk again when the world seems gone. When the world drinks to deeply of me, and the wine is the bitter reminder of Cupid. Anteros flickers and lingers in my heart as you struggle with me. I love Anteros more then I like Cupid, but death lingers in my heart. And time and fate flickers with hope, and hope brings death to me. So let me drink a little more as beauty of love leaves me and I leave you in the end.
Comments (0)
Time and Pain
11/25/2006 08:59 a.m.
To many journals, and yet why is it that I write when I'm intoxicated. With a sad song blaring in the silent halls of my apartment. No one to impress and the only hopes of being remembered. Yet how tragic and desperate that we strive to be more then what I am. Only a few will remember the sadness in my soul or remember the face that melts away like a quick burning candle under the most tempered whick. All the wickedness isn't from a soul but from the open heart the world has given me. All the malice is the sadness a tear from my own eyes. When lovers kiss is not what is ment for me. Or the shattered dreams of youth long gone, and wasted on the fear of growing up to fast. I am currently Brooding
I am listening to Feel the Pain from Dinosaur Jr.
Comments (0)
Wine
08/20/2006 06:39 a.m.
The wine slithers down my heart and Duran Duran sings about ordinary world. When will the hopes become a normal day seems so distant. I survive like a creature on borrowed time from a keeper that farms the ants below him. I'm sorry if I sound grim but it is the wine and all blames go to the bottle that came from spain.
Comments (0)
Currents
08/11/2006 05:08 p.m.
Do you ever feel that the world is so confusing that the best part of it is just to walk alone on broken sidewalks. Lately its been haunting my dreams and thoughts about how we can all dream for better things but the hardest part are the chances we are not given. I saw a girl today, and maybe if I had the courage I could win her heart. But tragically why bother when she does not show an interest in me. They say that true love never exists, but they say that because they never felt it. Its seeing a person for the first time and wanting to know them. It doesn't matter if they are scared or broken, but truly wanting to see what colors they enjoy or music they soak up.
I wish I could experience that again, but my time is nearly up. Before you say time is never up, and that it will come. It hasn't come in 7 years it won't happen again. I am not the childish fool I was when I was younger. Love is gone, but I can deal with that. Its the dreams and ambitions that tear my soul. To accomplish so much, but never get the chance to do it. That is pure hell and torment for me. All the people around have a chance, but I'm different I suppose. Maybe I am a failure like my father said when I was a youth. Who knows, but I will continue to swim against the current even how much the current is ripping me apart.
Comments (0)
Today
03/22/2006 06:03 p.m.
Today I feel a little confused at the chaos around me. Today I just want it to all go away with a shrug and a hug.
Today I remembered the misery in the depth of other's hearts.
Today I want nothing but to see the world in a martini glass as I dance to big band music.
Today I saw heaven on the dance floor at the Derby.
Today I drowned it all in energy drinks and a drink with two olives.
Today was the day I left another piece of me behind in the gutter.
Today is the day that draws me closer to a black cloud swallowed down my lungs.
Today is the day I walked away from it all.
Today is the day I stare down upon you all. I am currently Bleh
Comments (0)
Movieland
02/03/2006 07:20 p.m.
I had the weirdest dream last night about sitting with a bunch of people. Well we talked about the world and I brought the topic that I always bring to the table. I told them how love sucks, and I think it was on Valentine's Day that this all occured in my dream.
I talked about the girl that burns in my mind and in my veins, and that I will never love again. Yet in my dream a guy said "how could you do this to yourself? She is part of your history. What defines you, but you have to let her go." I said "But she is all that I am, and all that I will be." It ended with me walking out.
How weird is that to dream about something so real? I know I haven't written much here. Mostly I'm working and trying to find a better job. Just seems that I'm stuck in a rut. Been following the dream since I first P.A.(Production assistant for those not hip on film terms). Now I work at as a receptionist for a big studio, and I miss working on small films.
I just want to tell stories and make a living of it. I want to be remembered for something grand, and not be forgotten. How lame is that? Well back to work I go. I am currently Better
Comments (0)
Ashes
01/12/2006 06:27 a.m.
I guess I had an okay day to be a little reflective of my own thoughts. I guess Weezer doesn't really help to lighten the funk I'm in. Lately I dream of my only dreams, and given all my ideals of romance and hopes of finding love for hopes. I hope to be remembered for something grand, but I do not sacrifice my life to be a voice in the darkness so that light can shine. I don't want to be a Hemmingway or a Kurt Cobain cause I would hardly compare my pain to theres.
Yet would they truly understand the darkness that lingers in every trace of blood that bleeds true and home? All I have is the desire to find a happiness that is sadly not in here in this world. I ran to love but found only spit in the eyes, and it stings not of pride. The acid and the daggers burn my irises. And your saying death has nothing to hold, but I'm not asking for a friendly shotgun or a knife. All I ask is nothing and everything. Something nobody can give me in this life. Not faith not a living soul.
All I can give is my contempt and the alcohol that dwindles through my essence. No redemption or happy ending just a story to tell. So I write and dine and think about ashes of memories that burn so vividly to share. I am currently Brooding
I am listening to Perfect Situation - Weezer
Comments (0)
Isolation
10/20/2005 06:40 p.m.
Today I have been getting over a severe funk lately. I felt the ugly brutal aspect of the world and it comes in one word: Hate. Oh how easy it easy to pick the weak or the fragile amongst us to poke and jeer and others less fortunate then us. How easy it is that the world is so ugly that none are the victims but all the criminals. I wish sometimes that I could escape into isolation but a criminial I am and what better crowd then to hide amongst my peers who are way better then I to destroy and pick and nibble on those less fortunate then I. Oh I hate this world, and I would rather see it fall. No more wealth but what is only needed. No more regret of long glory of profits gained and margin hurried. I wish these thoughts would merely end, but I'm just a sucker and all I want is to be isolated. I am currently Bothered
Comments (0)
Stuck on Quotes
08/29/2005 08:24 p.m.
I have been listening to a couple new cds that I bought from some indie rockers. Ugh it makes me think about life and the world around me. Not about me being self diluted in my own misery, but the aspects of what makes people act the way they do. I guess we are all self diluted in some way, and pompous all the time. So here is a couple quotes:
"You are so afraid of an early grave it is almost like you quit"- The Plus Ones
"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon I am currently Detached
Comments (0)
Next 10 Entries - Previous 10 EntriesReturn to the Library of Christopher Shin
|