I hope your as happy as you're pretending...
12/07/2003 12:33 a.m.
Well today has been eventful...and it's only 4:30. I woke up this morning at 7 o'clock and chilled around for a bit. Caught a bus for Victoria at 10:30. Got to my stop in Vic at 12:45 my mom showed up to pick me up at 1:00. We went to the bank and the grocery store. Back to her place for sandwiches. Put up Christmas decorations opened birthday presents...A DVD player from my mom and The Goonies on DVD from my sister...Sitting around here listening to Dashboard Confeesional and John Mayer...waiting until it's time to go see Mo's show. Can't wait...
I am currently Fine
I am listening to Comfortable - John Mayer

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Remembering...(11 months of bliss and turmoil)
12/05/2003 08:13 a.m.

Here I sit in a room that's cold and think back on all our times together. It makes me wonder if it ever really happened the way I think it did. Or, if perhaps the hazing of our time together was just a natural progression. I do remember certain things that make me smile and make me cry. I remember the fantastic times and the terrible times. You and I shared something that was so beautiful words can not describe it. You and I endured things so terrible that it burns my nerves just thinking about it. We still talk now but it feels as if there is a different person on the other end of my line.

I remember when I found you completely annoying. I couldn’t understand how someone could be that cheerful all of the time. But when I saw those glances from across the band room at me I knew what you were after. And from then on every smile on your face just made me smile inside and I knew I had to have you. I fell madly in love with you. I had never truly loved before you.

I remember tour band and losing my wallet in Cranbrook. We changed costumes in ball-rooms of elementary school gymnasiums. We wandered West Edmonton Mall and rode the rollercoaster. I remember kissing you for the first time on a blue crash-mat in the hallway at the Elkford high school. I remember playing guitar for you…my then limited repertoire of songs. I can play better now but you never ever hear me play anymore. I wrote songs about you…all of them about you. I once pictured myself spending the rest of my life with you. Your parents met in high school why wouldn’t it work for us. I remember time spent together at home. I remember scrambling for clothes as cars pulled in the drive-way. I remember trying to win over your cat.

I also remember other things. Like when you cried on the stairs in the band room during the Christmas concert because everything was just too much. I remember when I accidentally hit you and we both cried. I remember notes in my locker saying that you understood if I was over mo-ed. You should not have understood. I was being selfish and stubborn. I should have made you a priority instead of just assuming that you were OK with the way things were. I remember that day when we broke up. To this day it’s the worst of my life. I remember you crying on my couch and then dashing out the door sobbing. I can still see it when you kept trying in vain to get your truck out of my steep gravel driveway. I remember that day when the world collapsed and we both broke down. When you threw your textbooks and kicked the locker and screamed at me asking me if you meant nothing to me. I cried harder than I have at any point in my life because something inside of me died that day. I remember dry grad and purposely trying to run into you. I remember hugging you as the sun came up and whispering “I love you” in your ear. You pulled back immediately and said, “We should talk.” We didn’t.

We never saw each other throughout the entire summer until Craig’s pool party. I showed up and faked a smile for your benefit and when you left, I was somber again. I spent that whole summer in misery because all I wanted was you. If you had given me the chance I would have been the best boyfriend in the whole world. I would have worked everyday to make sure you knew that I loved you and that you meant so much to me. I could have been your ideal. I would have moved to Victoria to be close to you. I would have done anything to make it work. But you couldn’t bring yourself to trust me.

I wanted so badly to let you know just how much you changed me as a person. You made me a better, more confident person in every possible aspect. I regret not trying harder to make things work. I regret not seeing Oklahoma. I regret not graduating together as a couple. I wish we could have made things alright. I’m sorry for every tear you’ve shed because of me. I’m sorry for not taking the time to tell you just how wonderful you really are. I’m sorry for everyday that I didn’t tell you that you’re beautiful. But I’m not sorry that I was with you. And I’m not sorry that I’ll always love you. I just want you to know that you were the cause of the greatest turn of events in my life. You are the reason I want to follow my dreams. You inspired me to be what I never thought I could be. It’s not partially because of you. It’s all because of you.

You Will Know Her (By The Poem Of The Day)
12/04/2003 09:50 p.m.
I'm so happy that Trish has finally joined me and Barbara as POTD people...Now if we can get Matt one then we'll be 4 for 4. Not bad for one little high school in Nanaimo BC. I'm so proud of Trish it's about time she graced our front page in something other that a Teen Patron Contest result...
I am currently Upbeat
I am listening to Hot Water Music

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Yay...
12/04/2003 06:02 a.m.
At this moment "Sometimes I'm Sorry Means I Love You" is #10 and best overall...the first time I've seen one of my poems up there..I'm so happy...
I am currently Psyched

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New Look...
12/04/2003 05:30 a.m.
Been putting some backgrounds on some of my folders and poems...That Info Tech course finally came in handy...I figured if Aiko can do it...why can't I? lol...Aiko is awesome. But I'm still gonna beat her in the Teen contest...J/K her poem is awesome...
I am currently Happy
I am listening to The Return Of The King Soundtrack

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Staff Party...
11/30/2003 07:18 a.m.
So I just got back from my staff christmas party...and I won a DIGITAL CAMERA YAY...Matt got bored because the booze was so expensive we couldn't afford to get pissed..I mean come on $4.25 a beer...and $4.75 for a rum and coke..shit that's brutal....

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Wow...
11/27/2003 04:38 a.m.
I just read Morghanna Amongst Shadowy Veils by Joseph Serna...he spells her name Morganna throughout the rest of the poem so I'm guessing the title is a typo...it was an amazing peice of work...it made me smile and cry at the same time...I guess there can never be complete detatchment from that name...oh well it made me happy to picture Mo while reading that poem...
I am currently Amazed
I am listening to The TV playing "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down

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Your Hair It's Everywhere, Screaming Infidelities
11/22/2003 07:10 p.m.
This is where I say I've had enough
And no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.
A walking open wound,
A trophy display of bruises
And I don't believe that I'm getting any better.

Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring
And I'm thinking awful things
And I'm pretty sure that few would notice.
And this apartment
Is starving for an argument.
Anything at all to break the silence.

Wandering the house
Like I've never wanted out
And this is about as social as I get now.
And I'm throwing away the letters that I am writing you
'cause they would never do,
I would never do.

So don't be a liar,
Don't say that "everything's working"
When everything's broken.
And you smile like a saint
But you curse like a sailor
And your eyes say the joke's on me.

"Saints and Sailors" by Dashboard Confessional

I am currently Loved
I am listening to Saints and Sailors... in my head

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...`
11/15/2003 07:24 p.m.

'Hello ... my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my
Father, prepare to die'
You are Inigo Montoya, the master swordsman with a
quest for revenge. Your Father was killed when
you were a boy by a man with six fingers on his
right hand. You have hunted this man ever
since, vowing to take revenge for your dead
Father. Your quest has been led astray in the
past, leading you to drinking and working for
criminals, but your goal will find you, your
fate lies with the path of the Man in Black.


Which character from The Princess Bride are you? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I am currently Bemused
I am listening to Floor Buffer from the Living Room

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Our Veterans...
11/13/2003 11:53 p.m.
I was reading an article about a group of veteran's who place a special wreath on the war memorials at midnight on rememberance day...It included the silent toast they say at the dinner before they go and place the wreath...I thought I would p[ost it to in a way honour what they're doing and what they have done...


Our surging battle lines must take their toll,
And cenotaphs are reared, and flowers are spread
Across the meadow and behind the knoll
O'er all those hallowed gardens of the dead.
Dead! Not to us, tho' all the world forget
That hideous travail of a nation's birth!
Your living memory is with us yet
Despite far scattered mounds of sacred earth,
And those of us - so few -who still remain
Cherish our scars - sore guerdon of the years
And, in remembering, almost bless our pain
That tells of tribute paid in blood and tears
Andso, to you, we raise this silent glass -
And pledge ourselves to keep your memory bright.
And pray we too, when comes our time to pass
May look with feraless eyes into the night.
I am currently Geeky
I am listening to Emo Philips

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