Strut without hair
06/28/2003 01:47 a.m.
To pull off this look, I am forced to strut. Strutting says "Yeah, that's right, I don't have hair, but I don't NEED hair to be hot!" Or whatever. Sometimes I just look so lesbian when I look in the mirror though, then other times I look nice. Yes. Anyway, I'm withdrawing more and more into myself. I don't know what I'll do when Phoebe goes back to school, I've become dependent again after a week. But oh well, that's how it goes and I can't do anything about it. I'm still lonely and miss being in love. I also still have so many anger issues from Marcos. I get so angry at his still and we don't even talk. I'm angry that he's happy. I'm angry that he's with someone else. I'm angry that he has anything good in his life. I just want him to be punished and he hasn't been. Anyway, I gotta go.
I am currently Anxious
I am listening to Jack Johnson, it's all understood

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Sleepy
06/27/2003 04:10 a.m.
Today I was out all day with Phoebe, of course. She has become my wife. Except that I am not gay, but neither is she, so I guess it works out. Yeah. Anyway, I decided I need to wear makeup with my hair this short, so I went to a clinique counter to get a make over and then spend lots of money on makeup. So i did. And it was good. Still depressed about stupid things. Still need to get laid. Maybe that's an inappropriate thing to say, but what the hell. Might as well lay it all out there. Don't have hair anymore, why have inhibitions? I got a vicious mosquito bite on the back of my left knee yesterday, it hurts like a mother father. There were messages for me on the phone, but I can't be asked to return calls when my bathrobe and couch and tv are my best friends. Maybe I'll have a smoke. Ok. Yes. Ta
I am currently Bored
I am listening to Will & Grace in the background

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Tired
06/26/2003 07:13 a.m.
I'm so tired of people pissing me off or me allowing them to piss me off or whatever, but it is crap and it's exhausting. Whoo, run-on sentence. Anyway, I did a stupid thing yesterday, after being good for months (MONTHS) I checked Marcos's e-mail thought i know I shouldn't have. There was a letter from Caroline (Whom I like to refer to as "stupid whore." Anyway...it was just like "Hi baby, I love you so much, blah blah." And the thing is, it could have been a letter from me a year ago. And I don't love him anymore, but I just want to scream in his face and mkae him suffer. I was going to marry him. In fact, we would have been getting married NEXT MONTH. And now he's with this girl. It just doesn't seem fair to me because I am the one who was pure and loving (not totally, but c'mon, he fucking cheated) and he cheated and treated me like shit, but now he is in love with someone and happy and I am still alone. I know I shaved my head. I know I am "single and fabulous" or whatever, but it's bullshit. I have felt like the girl that no one really wants for so long. When do I get to be the girl worth fighting for? When do I get to be the girl worth waiting for? When do I get to be the girl worth loving? When am I going to move of from the "time-consuming" status I have right now? I mean, it seems like I have been a slightly interesting way to pass the time for years. I want to be the special one to someone. But I don't. I don't know. Love is so scary. It has hurt me more than anything. This is just random and I am gonna listen to weezer and take a bath because that's all I want to do now. Thank God for Phoebe. Thank God for Jeff.
I am currently Depressed
I am listening to mah

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Self-Esteem
06/24/2003 09:04 p.m.
Yeah, so I uhhh, shaved my head. My mom freaked out, but I think I really like it, now that I've gotten used to it. Ummm, that's all for now.
I am currently Festive
I am listening to Bad Radio

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Waiting
06/19/2003 05:20 p.m.
Ok, So basically, I have been doing nothing but workiong and waiting for Phoebe since I came back 3 weeks ago. She was supposed to get in last night, but her dad said she was getting in today instead. She originally told me she wanted me to be at the airport, but I talked to her dad yesterday, and he was like "Well, we are set for picking her up. And then we're gonna go out to dinner." I don't know if this means I'm not invited because they just want family time. I mean, obviously, I'm not invited to go out to dinner, but I at leats wanted to see her at the airport. Whatever. I guess I'll just keep waiting. I do need to go grocery shopping and clean. Grrrrrrr.
I am currently Anxious
I am listening to A humming light

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I Found my earring!
06/18/2003 11:25 p.m.
Last night, I was in my bed and there was something sharp under my leg. At first I thought it was a toenail (I know that's disgusting, but it's my room, and it's not like I share my bed) but when I reached down to dislodge the pokey thing from under my leg, it didn't feel like a toenail. (Thankfully) So I looked at it, and Lo! It was my missing earring. With the back on it. So I figure I must have taken it out when I was under the influence and dropped in in my bed. Oh well.

And today, I was getting the keys for work, and this woman walked into the building where I pick them up and she had a pug puppy with her. I have wanted a pug for so long, I think they are so ugly, they're cute. Anyway, this one had a lttle clear lampshade on to keep it from licking stitches or something. It ran up to me and bashed it's lampshade into my leg and it was the cutest dog I have ever seen. It was just so wiggly and happy and was running around in circles. Anyway, it made my day start out right at least. Phoebe's coming home tonight, I can't wait. I have missed her so much since I came back from Europe. Oh, PS. I got wine all over my clothes from a bottle that broke in my suitcase on the way home, and I soaked them in Oxyclean and it got ALL the wine out without bleaching anything. I want to be in a freaking commercial for that stuff. Yeah, random thought. Done now.
I am currently Upbeat
I am listening to Lift your head up high and blow your brains out

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Zold cigi!
06/18/2003 04:51 a.m.
Dohanyoztom a zold cigi, nagyon jol volt.

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Earring
06/17/2003 08:25 p.m.
Hey,
I lost an earring. I really liked it too, it was a little siver one. Oh well. Nothing new. That stupid Kelly Rowland song is on the radio, and it sort of makes me want to puncture my eardrums so I won't have to hear it anymore. Anyway, I should go, I'm at work and have nothing interesting to say. Cso
I am currently Cheerful

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WEEZER! WEEZER!!!
06/08/2003 11:58 p.m.
Is there any way to get a hold of Rivers Cuomo's e-mail address so that I can tell him I love him???? Just kidding. I wanted to get Nelly Furtado's e-mail address for a while, just so I could tell her I thought she was rad, but I guess celebrities don't just pass them out, do they? I don't either, I get enough junk mail as a normal, non-famous person.

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Work work work
06/08/2003 07:26 p.m.
Yeah, so here I am, in the campus center. It's not so bad today because the building isn't open, I just have to be here so people can hold their church service downstairs. I'm in the process of taking all my music off my work computer and putting it on my laptop. That way I can burn a cd, then copy it to a tape and listen to it in my car. Long process huh? From kazaa to my work computer, to a zip disk, to my laptop, to a cd, to a tape, to my car. Blah blah. I went hiking yesterday, it was nice, but I was hungover, so when I say hike, what I really mean is slow walking with lots of stopping and sitting. I think I need to slow down the alcohol consumption. I guess it's mostly because I just turned 21 and moved out. Eventually I expect to calm down. Phoebe's coming home soon. I am so glad, I really fucking miss her. It'll be so nice to have a FEMALE around. Anyway, off to transfer more music. Cso!


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