Last few days
02/21/2004 07:48 p.m.
The last few days I have been wondering why I have been so depressed all month. I feel like everyone is. None of my friends are happy and satisfied with their lives right now, it sucks. I think that I am depressed because I don't have the one good thing that was going for me. I don't know, I just gotta get outta here. ALaska feels like prison to me. I just feel like it's getting smaller and smaller, and there's not much to turn to except for drugs or drinking. No wonder there are so many alcoholics in ALaska, there's nothing else to do! And I have been searching. I really hope that it's a combination of SADD and that it's February, and that no one likes Spring semester.

Oh to have a career. Paid vacation, benefits. No more random crap.

Bleah
I am currently Empty

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LRC
02/18/2004 10:23 p.m.
I'm sitting in the computer lab. I just finished my 6th busy-work piece-of-crap assignment for my idiotic into to mass communications class. It's such a waste of time, I don't learn anything and have to do pointless assignments. Anyway, the guy sitting next to me smells like teriyaki and the girl on the other side breathes like darth vader. Oh well, I bitch about things like that too much. I have decided to since my life isn't really in a place I'm enjoying right now, I am going to change the things that really piss me off. So here is a list of goals that I have for the next month or so.

1. Find a new job that doesn't make me want to kick anyone (Most important.)
2. Take an apptitude test.
3. Paint a mural for the living room to replace the tapestry.
4. Get a strapless bra. (I know this seems stupid, but when you've got a rack it's hard to find one that's not a beast.)
5. Watch less T.V. Waaaaaay less.

I have more goals that are actually better than these, so I will probably edit this later.
I am currently Fine
I am listening to Heavy breathing (not by choice)

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Blea
02/16/2004 11:45 p.m.
I have food poisoning. I have vomited everything in my stomach every two hours starting at 4am.

Needless to say, it has not been such a fantastic day.

But, I was awoken in my pile of towls to find out that a haiku I wrote won 2nd place in the Press Haiku contest. I wrote it about wal-mart. This is how it goes:

Long narrow aisles
Packed full of screaming children
I just need condoms.

So wohoo! Oh, God, I have to go vomit now.

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Mi a fasz?
02/14/2004 04:45 a.m.
Pathetic is really goofed up.

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One more thing
02/12/2004 08:17 a.m.
Desmond Mayo is the coolest name ever.

I wrote a High-Ku

A few years from now
Seinfeld is on Nick at Night
I am getting old

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Why?
02/12/2004 05:04 a.m.
The last few weeks have been shitty. SHIT-TY! Anyway, it's getting better now, and now that I am not in a hole, I thought I should write. I hardly ever write anymore and it makes me sad. I really actually just want to bitch about America. When I first joined this site, I went through and found all the other people on here from Alaska. Aaron Amrich was one of them. I dont' know him, but I really like his poetry. Now he's in Afghanistan and living that which disgusts me. I support our troops in the middle east. I support them, because they are people, they are us, but I do not support that they are there. This is such a load of bullshit. What has happened? When I was little, I was proud to be an American. I was happy and I thought I was lucky to live in the greatest country in the world (ok, so Alaska's different from the rest of the country, but you get it) and now I am just disgusted. When I went to Argentina, I refused to speak English (and I didn't speak Spanish either, so I was stuck with Hungarian) because I didn't want people to know where I was from. Look at the history of Hungary, invasion after invasion after invasion, and now people there are proud to be Hungarian. If a poll was taken of all of America, how many people would say that they are proud to be part of the problem instead of part of the solution? Fucking Bush, what an idiot. But this is what I hear all the time. I go to college, what else is there to talk about beside relationships and drugs?

Today in Masterpieces of World Literature, we were talking about existentialism. I read Camus when I was in high school, and I knew he was talking about existentialism, but I did not get it. Essentially, existentialism is about whether or not you should kill yourself. No God, no fate, no faith, no nothing. We're all just here and human will is what moves us. While this is depressing (or it would be if I hadn't been getting over God lately) it's also sort of refreshing. I never think anyone should kill themself, though to be honest, even I have thought about it. We all go through dark times, but doesn't it always eventually get better? isn't that what we should be holding on to? It does get better. I've never had any issue in my life that didn't get better with time. Anyway, I used to feel that everything was written in this massive book of the world somewhere by someone, and that it was all mapped out. But maybe it's not. It's nice to think I have control of things. But isn't it easier to think that everything happens for a reason? next random topic.

I just want to crochet.

Holy shit! Pissed off is a mood option! I'm not pissed, but I have to pick it!
I am currently Pissed Off
I am listening to Thin Line-J-5

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What?
02/09/2004 09:54 p.m.
So what's up with Pathetic? There has been the same poem of the day for like five days and it's still all goofed up. Oh well. Things are getting easier every day, but this semester still blows. I am the procrastination princess! Wohoo!
I am currently Better

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This semester
02/09/2004 06:16 a.m.
This semester makes me want to vomit.
If I don't graduate soon, I'm going to hit myself in the head with a brick.

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Jol lesz
02/02/2004 09:58 p.m.
I realize now that it will be ok.

I just wish I didn't miss my best friend so much.

Also, I have been doing homework that I'm ASHAMED of lately. Not the best way to start the 4th week of school.

I threw up this morning, it didn't even matter. I need to eat something.
I am currently Better

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unhappy
02/02/2004 01:53 a.m.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I can stay here anymore. I can't do my fucking homework that I need to do and I can't do anything but watch sex and the city and smoke, and cry and be insane.


I am currently Bad

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