buzzed
03/16/2005 04:41 a.m.
ugh! wrapped up in my own little soap opera. haven't been writing much at all. too busy, with work and school, spending time with brian. I get so tired of the former, not the later. If anything I could spend forever watching him, taking in the nuances of his expressions gestures expressions. Maybe I've just had too much to drink tonight. I went to my favorite bar tonight that I haven't been to in a long time. but Its been a shit day at work, and not just work, lately. Ive been diagnosed with a condition called PCOS, which, left untreated, leads to diabetes, heart disease and/or infertility. More than likely I can't have children. I wrote a new poem about it, although its not very good. I haven't talked to my best friend in a long time. I just tried calling her about an hour ago but the phone was disconnected apparently. I guess it serves me right for not calling her in so long.
I am currently Troubled
I am listening to Pavement-Slanted and Enchanted-Deluxe Remastered

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watching the clock
08/08/2004 10:53 p.m.
If it hadn't occurred to me already (which it has) I am now absolutely positive that I am completely in love with Brian. Obsessively even, which may or may not be a good thing. lol. Both my parents and Brian and his mom left for vacation on thursday (seperately, not together), leaving me all alone for four days. My parents will be gone a week and a half, brain comes home today. Even the family dogs are off, being looked after by friends. I haven't been this alone since I lived in Endicott. Its very depressing. I keep trying to find things to do, to pass the time and keep my mind off this boringness (is that a word?). I've tried reading and watching tv but neither holds my attention very long. I am currently washing laundry and sorting through old clothing that I need to get rid of. In a couple of days I am leaving town too. I'm off to upstate NY to visit my best friend and family, including her 8 mo. old daughter whom I have never seen other than a couple of pictures and her baby babble over the phone. I'm looking forward to it, but at the same time I wonder if all this lovesickness is going to spoil the trip for me. poo!
I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to Iggy Pop

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turning green
03/12/2004 01:45 a.m.
I'm so tired. I'm getting roughly 7 hours of sleep a night, but I feel like I have to drag myself out of bed every morning.On the up side, I went to The Strokes show last night and it was a great show. Brian and I saw James Iha, from smashing pumpkins and perfect circle hanging out in the audience. I haven't been writing, but I have attended some open mikes recently, in hopes of sparking some creative juices but to no avail. If there was a spark it never quite caught fire. St. patricks day is next week. theres a big celebration around here tomorrow. Some co-workers invited me to go out with them. I don't know how I feel about it, I might just skip it and go to an open mike I heard about. Decisions, decisions and my boyfriend likes to tease me about my horrible indecisiveness. He calles it indecision 2004 after John Stewarts daily show pres. campaign coverage. lol. maybe I'd feel better if someone actually read my poems and commented. It'd be nice to have some feedback.
I am currently Restless
I am listening to belle and sebastian

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After the Storm
09/27/2003 10:51 p.m.
well, here it is, Saturday evening. We finally got power back at my house yesterday around 8 at night. It went out around noon the day Isabel struck, that was last thursday. So that makes it 9 days without power. School was cancelled for days, wednesday - tuesday. I'm behind in all my classes now. I've got a wicked headache that wont go away and I'm so damned tired. I did manage to get some errands taken care of this morning though and bake some bagels from scratch so it hasn't been too bad of a day. I haven't heard from Brian today, although I tried calling a couple of times. Maybe he's busy with today being a holiday-Rosh Hashanna. maybe I'll go watch some TV to celebrate Va Power's gift of light.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Prolapse-Italian Flag

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Damn Isabel
09/16/2003 01:59 a.m.
well it seems we're directly in the path of the hurricane here on the coast of Virginia. I'm out of work for Thursday and Friday, cutting a big ol' chunk out of my paycheck. I'm in desperate need of gas and it seems that the gas stations are out of regular and in some cases even mid-grade, all thats left is supreme. I've got class wed. and thurs. nights and it looks those will be cancelled too. No one's doing anything at my house to prepare it seems. I don't know what my parents are planning to do. If its bad, I don't want to be here. there are lots of things around here to be picked up by the wind and blown around and a lot of very old, very tall pine trees that might be knocked over, not to mention all of the flooding in this area. They don't call it Tidewater for nothing. I hate natural catastrophes. As if I don't have enough hurdles to jump every day. :P
I am currently Bummed
I am listening to AFI-Sing the Sorrow

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Saturday Afternoon
09/13/2003 06:00 p.m.
Caught up on some much needed sleep today. go me! Just to update since its been nearly 3 months since the last entry, (as if anyone actually reads this). I got A's this past summer semester in my Soups, stocks and sauce class and my orientation class(this one was a no brainer). I'm taking 2 more culinary classes this semester, garde manger and principles of baking. hate the garde manger class, but love the baking. I made Challah bread this past thursday and brought it over to my boyfriend Brian's house for Shabbos. This weekend marks our seven month anniversary. Go us! I know we're one of those couples that people love to hate. lol. Went to some good shows too. got to see one of my all time favorite bands-Modest Mouse. I went to the Vans Warp Tour this year, and caught Dropkick Murphys and Me first and the Gimmie Gimmies. and a good time was had by all. I also got to see the sold out Perfect Circle show at the beginning of August. I don't know if I'm leaving anything else out but of course I have plans for more on the horizon,(money permitting of course :P).
I am currently Content
I am listening to Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Fever to Tell

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Friggin' Hot Friday!
06/27/2003 07:23 p.m.
phew! thank god its friday. the parents are off to DC to visit the grandkids, so I have the house to myself. Got to get some work done on a class project for my culinary class- A presentation of the culinary history and foods of Scotland. I'm doing quite well in the class, I just took my midterm on wednesday and am pretty sure i aced it, at the very worst, I got a "B" on it. I've got another 4 or 5 weeks left in it. I'm going to take Baking and Garde Manger in the fall, maybe another class or 2 as well. I'm supposed to see Brian later today, so I need to get my butt in gear and get cleaned up. I know a shower would feel really good right now but I don't really have the energy to get up go upstairs and take one, I'd rather just sit here and drink this glass of water. It's got to be around 100 degrees out there. Great day to go to the beach. Don't know what else to say. haven't been writing much these days. I wrote a couple new poems, inspired by and written for Brian of course, lol. La, La, Love him, don't mean maybe- to misquote the Pixies.
I am listening to Minor Threat-Complete Discography

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Hamster Wheels
04/23/2003 04:14 a.m.
It feels like I'm running in place a lot these days. If it weren't for Brian I'd more than likely be a certified basketcase. lol. I've been looking for a new job. Aside from the fact that I hate my present job, I need one with a better schedule so I can take some classes this summer. It just seems like most of the things in my life are going nowhere. No money, crap job, bills hanging over my head, living at home with the 'rents, and don't even get me started on my workout schedule at the gym, lol, and next month I'll be 25. Bleah! :P I just feel like if I can make it though the next few weeks, things will start to settle down. Once I get into a groove again with classes. I should be able to get a job within the next 3 or 4 weeks. In the meantime I just have to refrain from stabbing Matt (one of my coworkers) with one of the bread knives. Kidding! ;)
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to The Distillers-Sing, Sing, Death House

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Day of Ups and Downs
04/15/2003 04:52 a.m.
Today marks Brian and my's 2 month anniversary. It's been an interesting day. Slow day at work, got out early. Brian came over and we went down to Johnson and Wales University for a tour. I was really hoping I could go there, but they don't have the program I want, I wanted the baking and pastry arts program and all they are offering is culinary arts. It was kind of dissapointing. Then Brian and I got into an arguement, but we settled it quickly. We got something to eat and then went to my house where I took at shower and changed to go over his house. We hung out for a little bit then made dinner together, talked about my options for the future, for school. Its a little depressing and a bit scary, having screwed up so much in the past and worrying about continuing to screw up now and in the future. Am I really ready for it or am I just fooling myself? I don't want to fuck up anymore, I don't want to be a disappointment to myself, my parents or Brian, but I am concerned that I can't stop myself from doing it again. Dinner was pretty good for something thrown together at the last minute with what was in the fridge. We made chili (with turkey not beef). It amazes me sometimes how well we work together, how much we seem to "get" each other. It is both exhillarating and terrifying, because I'm so glad to have found him and so afraid of losing him. We made love in front of the fireplace tonight and it was beautiful. Its always beautiful. He is beautiful, even if he doesn't believe it.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Various Artists-If I Were A Carpenter

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The Distance to Philly
03/21/2003 10:00 p.m.
Brian is off to Philly today for the weekend. He should be back Sunday night. Its so odd, not seeing him, and for three days in a row. We've been together for 5 weeks and in that time I think there's only been one day in that whole span of time that we didn't see each other. I'm sure anyone who reads this is either rolling their eyes, making gagging noises or both, lol, but that's the way it is. Love is strange. I had pretty much given up on it and then bam! There he was. I never believed that whole saying about finding love when you least expect it or are not looking for it, but I guess it's true. Not much else going on, it's been a busy week at work, corporate catering has picked up so I've been busting my butt. Glad the weekend is here so I can relax a bit although it sucks I can't relax with my boyfriend. I've posted a few poems, and I think they're all old love poems. lol, gee, what a surprise.
I am currently Lovesick
I am listening to Rollins Band-Nice

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