Amazed
12/16/2003 11:17 p.m.
Today I was contacted by our small local paper and amazing as it is, they are going to publish Timmy's Question and Santa's Answer... I am soooooo excited! It will appear in the Windsor Standard next week their last print before Christmas and I don't know if I want to laugh or cry or just run around giggling. It is an awesome feeling to think someone would want to print something I wrote... If not for my friends both here and off line, I wouldn't have had the courage to submit them.... so I want to say Thank You to everyone who has read and commented... and to Gavin and the Admins for allowing me to write here....  I wish everyone a Merry Christmas...
I am currently Awestruck
I am listening to Rainfall In The Mist

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Cut The Cards
12/09/2003 06:05 a.m.

The deck of cards is shuffled again
Joker emerges, old frayed, frazzled friend
A seer sees with blind folded eyes
Poor old mouse in tin man disguise
Ears hear not the language
A spirit would speak
Red black coal
Become burning embers
As the Graying haired
Ghost remembers
When it was the nave
Who emerged first
Long ago to fulfill
A great thirst
Core within the deck
Queen who lost her head
With the old woman's children
Sent hungry to bed
But the King of spades
Plays true his suit
Laughs kitten in
Fisherman's boot

Tit for tat says
The Cheshire Cat…

Shuffle the deck again
Alice my friend
When they are cut
And the deal is made
Fan them out...
Once more
On the table
Let them be laid…

Changes
11/19/2003 08:29 p.m.
Life is funny... things change so very fast and you turn around and wonder when it happened and at yourself for not noticing when it did. Today I learned that my Mom and Dad from my first foster family passed away within days of each other. I am happy and rejoice for them, they are still together... no more pain... no more suffering, or gasping for the next breath. They breathe the breaths of eternity together. Yet, I cry... selfish child that I am for those of us left behind, for the world will be a bit poorer for their passing. In Loving Memory of Millie and William Miller... who always left footprints along the shore.
I am currently Nostalgic
I am listening to Do You Really...

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pondering
11/12/2003 02:00 p.m.
I sit wondering if men and women sometimes speak a different language... and something is lost in the translation. If you can tell someone something a thousand different ways hoping against hope that they will see before it is too late... only to discover they have no clue what your talking about.
I am currently Overwhelmed
I am listening to Lady Sings The Blues

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idle thoughts
11/01/2003 04:51 a.m.

Hate Mail
10/10/2003 04:31 p.m.
This entery is for whomever has been sending me the hate mail... I am not going off line unless it is something I want to do. Your mails will no longer be opened... no one who is not known to me will have mail delivered to my e-mails, and if by chance they do come through I will delete without reading them. Grow up... get a life and leave me and mine alone. You quite obviously do not know me.. and I am tired of your little game...
I am currently Bored
I am listening to reason

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Manalive9990
08/27/2003 10:37 p.m.
Well I guess the time has finally come to go offline... I have been here awhile, and run into some game players. Fortunatly not alot of them. But today one too many. I am going offline, for an undetermined time. I will check my e-mail and those I talk with know what it is. I am not going to be posting here or anywhere else for a bit. I will miss those of you who talked openly and HONESTLY with me without playing games, or needing to test anything to know. As for Manalive9990 this ugly slut as you so aptly put it... is out of here! I never needed to say your name...... when did I have to? You and every other person like you can kiss my royal american. Yeah I do have a large temper and you Finally found the break point. I guess it is time to grow up.. first one then the other huh? Some fine day remember that which you have spoken comes back to you. This blond isn't as stupid as you seemed to think me. Enjoy the game while you can.... Deadman
I am currently Disillusioned
I am listening to A worm turn... dressed as a snake in the grass

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Warm Weekend
07/13/2003 05:37 p.m.
*smiling* maybe I should make this entry in a very dark pink! I am toasted! *laughing* This has been a very warm weekend, and not over yet. I am in Virginia Beach! It is Fantastic for anyone who has not visited well worth the trip from wherever you are. My son, nephew and I drove down from New York to pick up my baby sister, long and wonderful drive, with good company. We listened to everything from oldies to modern on the trip and talked a bit as well as had a few *grin* adventures. We leave today for the return trip home as I have to work on Monday. I can hardly wait for August 1st and do it all over again...lol with a few extra days at the beach. Next time my daughter will be with me and it will be her first look at the ocean *softest smile* the look on my sons face was worth the miles all by itself.  As I am alergic to every sun block I have tried I am about the color of this entry *wry grin* and knowing my penchent for water will be again in August. It is the first time I rode a boogie board and really wish I had time to learn to surf! I found though that I can body serf alot easier than use the boogie board. It was great! The oceans rythem seems to match my body's own natural rythem and I felt very at home in it's arms. I did miss my friends online, and until I arrived didn't know I could still contact them via my messenger on aol.  *softest smile* still it will give us something to talk about in the comming weeks. I hope everyone had as good a weekend as I.
I am currently Refreshed
I am listening to Everyone laughing at the ferret's antics

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Just an entry
04/16/2003 03:25 a.m.
It has been a year of changes. I do less writing now and more living. There is a great reluctance to write what is or isn't lived or dreamed. This hopefully will not be the last entry, tomorrow for a bit I will be having work done on the computers, and hopefully will be online in the afternoon. I have used my daughters computer for quite awhile and have decided if my own will not stay online that I will not be online. *smiling* We shall see, if I am unable to get online, rermember all of my friends that I love you and will return. take care.
I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to my daughters music rock the world

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Lessons
01/23/2003 07:04 p.m.

A few days ago, I found in my e-mail something that moved me to tears. I am placing it here so that I will always have it, and can share it with any who read this.

The Sandpiper
by Robert Peterson

She was six years old when I first met her on the beach near where I
live.
I drive to this beach, a distance of three or four miles, whenever the
world begins to close in on me. She was building a sandcastle or something and looked up, her eyes as blue as the sea.

"Hello," she said.

I answered with a nod, not really in the mood to bother with a small child.

"I'm building," she said.

"I see that. What is it?" I asked, not really caring.

"Oh, I don't know, I just like the feel of sand."

That sounds good, I thought, and slipped off my shoes. A sandpiper
glided by.

"That's a joy," the child said.

"It's a what?"

"It's a joy. My mama says sandpipers come to bring us joy."

The bird went gliding down the beach. Good-bye joy, I muttered to
myself, hello pain, and turned to walk on. I was depressed, my life seemed
completely out of balance.

"What's your name?" She wouldn't give up.

"Robert," I answered. "I'm Robert Peterson."

"Mine's Wendy... I'm six."

"Hi, Wendy."

She giggled. "You're funny," she said.

In spite of my gloom, I laughed too and walked on. Her musical giggle
followed me.

"Come again, Mr. P," she called. "We'll have another happy day."

After a few days of a group of unruly Boy Scouts, PTA meetings, and an
ailing mother. The sun was shining one morning as I took my hands out
of the dishwater. I need a sandpiper, I said to myself, gathering up my
coat.
The ever-changing balm of the seashore awaited me. The breeze was chilly
but I strode along, trying to recapture the serenity I needed.
"Hello, Mr. P," she said. "Do you want to play?"
"What did you have in mind?" I asked, with a twinge of annoyance.

"I don't know, you say."
"How about charades?" I asked sarcastically. The tinkling laughter
burst forth again.

"I don't know what that is."
"Then let's just walk." Looking at her, I noticed the delicate fairness
of
her face.
"Where do you live?" I asked.
"Over there." She pointed toward a row of summer cottages. Strange, I thought, in winter.

"Where do you go to school?"

"I don't go to school. Mommy says we're on vacation." She chattered
little girl talk as we strolled up the beach, but my mind was on other things.
When I left for home, Wendy said it had been a happy day.

Feeling surprisingly better, I smiled at her and agreed.

Three weeks later, I rushed to my beach in a state of near panic. I was
in no mood to even greet Wendy. I thought I saw her mother on the porch
and felt like demanding she keep her child at home.

"Look, if you don't mind," I said crossly when Wendy caught up with me,
"I'd rather be alone today." She seemed unusually pale and out of
breath.
"Why?" she asked.

I turned to her and shouted, "Because my mother died!" and thought, "My
God, why was I saying this to a little child?"
"Oh, she said quietly, 'then this is a bad day."
"Yes," I said, "and yesterday and the day before and--oh, go away!"
"Did it hurt?" she inquired.
"Did what hurt?" I was exasperated with her, with myself.
"When she died?"
"Of course it hurt!" I snapped, misunderstanding, wrapped up in myself.
I strode off. A month or so after that, when I next went to the beach,
she wasn't there. Feeling guilty, ashamed and admitting to myself I missed
her, I went up to the cottage after my walk and knocked at the door. A
drawn looking young woman with honey-colored hair opened the door.

"Hello," I said, "I'm Robert Peterson. I missed your little girl today
and wondered where she was."
"Oh yes, Mr. Peterson, please come in. Wendy spoke of you so much. I'm
afraid I allowed her to bother you. If she was a nuisance, please,
accept my apologies."

"Not at all -- she's a delightful child." I said, suddenly realizing
that I meant what I had just said.

"Wendy died last week, Mr. Peterson. She had leukemia. Maybe she didn't
tell you." Struck dumb, I groped for a chair. I had to catch my breath.
"She loved this beach so when she asked to come, we couldn't say no.
She seemed so much better here and had a lot of what she called happy days.
But the last few weeks, she declined rapidly..." Her voice faltered,
"She left something for you ... if only I can find it.
Could you wait a moment while I look?"
I nodded stupidly, my mind racing for something to say to this lovely young woman.
She handed me a smeared envelope with MR. P printed in bold
childish letters. Inside was adrawing in bright crayon hues - a yellow
beach, a blue sea, and a brownbird. Underneath was carefully printed:

"A SANDPIPER TO BRING YOU JOY"
Tears welled up in my eyes and a heart that had almost forgotten to
love
opened wide. I took Wendy's mother in my arms.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," I muttered over and over,
and
we wept together. The precious little picture is framed now and hangs
in
my study. Six words-- one for each year of her life --
that speak to me of harmony, courage, and undemanding love.
A gift from a child with sea
blue eyes and hair the color of sand --
who taught me the gift of love.

NOTE: This is a true story sent out by Robert Peterson. It serves as a
reminder to all of us that we need to take time to enjoy living and
life and each other. The price of hating other human beings is loving
oneself less. Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday
traumas can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is
only a monetary setback or crisis.
This week, be sure to give your loved ones an extra hug, and by all
means, take a moment...even if it is only ten seconds, to stop and smell the
roses.
This comes from someone's heart, and is shared with many and now I
share it with you. May God Bless everyone that receives this!

There are NO coincidences! Everything that happens to us happens for a
reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant. Who knows what they
can teach us?

I hope to always remember, Nothing in life is permanent, Treasure what you have, Keep each moment hold those you love For life is short. What you have today you may be missing tomorrow.

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