try something new
03/11/2002 12:35 p.m.
(for the record...I did write in the journal yesterday, but didn't save it...writing while upset brings out poor writing in me...)

...so it seems this journal writing, while it does get me writing somewhat, I still manage to lack a certain creativity due to me not being a morning person...what I have devised today is a routine that includes reading the poem of the day, which may spark some ideas...so each day, what I write will relate somehow to that...here goes

POTD: Yesterday, By Amy Pate

I remember eating cotton candy, salad cream, and rose petals for the 1st time...riding on our bikes in the mud, on a Shetland pony, on dad's shoulders, ...walking 2 miles to church through the park, to school in the rain, chasing the neighbors kids down the street with my sis...

I remember things were never so complex...and the highlight of the year was 6 wks holiday in the summertime...and we would go to the seaside in Brighton or visit family in Middlesex...I would ride my skates all day til dad came home, and sometimes on Saturdays he would let me mow the lawn with him, and play shuttle-cock afterwards, if he had time...time was never an issue, time was mine then, and when I reminisce now, it too is something I miss...

I am currently Meloncholy
I am listening to my computer buzzzzzing

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Saturday
03/10/2002 05:09 a.m.
so it seems this medication got me aching ...not ichin anymore but aching, like I've been beaten in my sleep...muscles not reactin, mind driftin, soul sinkin into the weekend, into the bed...like a tribal calling, back to the earth, my body yearns for the bed that lays beside me, but I haven't the energy to get there...again I am stuck in the inbetween, and for the first time, I wondered why I don't come out on top...
I am currently Tired
I am listening to the achings of my soul

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Made it...
03/09/2002 01:46 a.m.
...yeeeeessssssssssss...i made it to Friday again!@#%#$^$*$%&@%~!!

This week has raced me to the end, but I have made it...all limbs and organs intact...and finally I am at home...

...headache fading into the candlelight, dancing with incense in bedroom shadows....thoughts rolling from my fingertips into the language of letters that set me free....I drift from this week of weakness into the weekend and something a little more comfortable...cuz this girl gonna come around, release some stress, enjoy my night tonight...

...let the issues of my life bounce from my hips, slip between my lips, and drown in wet fingertips on the dance floor...and with that, Asprin ain't got sh*t on a Friday...ya heard!!


I am currently Affectionate
I am listening to Hopeless (love jones soundtrack #2)

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bz, bz, bz...
03/08/2002 01:19 p.m.

every day I run through this mood list and find it changes how I feel...the moods I am (stressed, sedated, or whatever I am in the morning) never seem to be on the list...I think there should be an ad on space for any emotion not represented in the list that you can type in....(eough with that).

As for my day...I am ahead of schedule, by 1 hour, though I didn't get to sleep until close to 3am...so am I really ahead?? well, in any case, I will enjoy the day--it is the weekend now! Optimism always finds me by Friday!! Now I just have to work on getting rid of my Monday work schedule!
I am currently Restless
I am listening to 1010 WINZ-- weather: high 60'sGOOD!

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Greedy
03/07/2002 03:52 p.m.
...this is me exceeding my daily allowance...of poetic nutrients and minerals...greedy me...
I am currently Fabulous
I am listening to wannabe corporate hustle and bustle

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Forcing a habit
03/07/2002 01:18 p.m.


Since I know I have a tendency to be a creature of habit from time to time, and I know I have a tendency to over indulge on certain occasions I am inclined to believe that soon enough, even now as I type this process of writing in a daily journal is kicking in...I can now appreciate the time it takes, the force of need for content on a routine basis, the way to tap into the rummagings in my head, despite having had no breakfast, no social contact, and not being on time--AGAIN. It seems ok though, because I am making time for myself and if that gets me in trouble, then I have to consider my commitment to the person beyond myself, and reevaluate the relationship we share. Luckily I get salary, which saves my ass these days...despite that, in the end, I will always come first, and all extraneous projects, jobs, and persons, need understand that and respect it, for our association to continue...this goes for family too...I need my space, safe space....and though this space may not be ideal for me, it is mine for now, and will get me where I need to be...for this I am grateful....both to pathetic.org....and Alyssa, who got me here...thanks doesn't express what doors you have unlocked for me here...
I am currently Restless
I am listening to 1010 winz (am news)

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making up for lost time
03/06/2002 05:42 p.m.
So I haven't been writing EVERY day, as I had hoped last week, but in my defense I will say that over the weekend I posted 2 new pieces (count for each day)...and Yesterday and today I have been out sick from work (and life, essentially)...there, so now that my guilt has been dropped from my shoulders...I can begin to write again....

I am forcing writing, something new to me, unfamiliar, and I am not sure if the results will show that, but I must continue to break new ground within my writing and this is a path I thought may come to benefit the passions within...allowing/training them to spill onto the little curser, as it waits for my letters to fall from my fingers typing in ADD formations...It seems my fingers have learned to type as my hands have learned to write--I am a left-handed typer, and my right hand simply fills in the blanks--slow and uncomfortably...I am lopsided...need a poetic V-8 to straighten me out...and with that, I move to feast on the pathetic libraries, my V-8 for the day...


I am currently Sarcastic
I am listening to friends entering and exiting my IM list...

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grrrrrls weekend out
03/01/2002 06:06 p.m.
I am on my way to a Women's conference in Jersey...hoping that the break from the mania I call my life, will allow me to find some inspiration and some writing time...not sure what to expect...trying not to expect anything beyond the reasonable, but I wonder how it will compare to the 2000 Ms. Millenium conference I went to just over a year ago...I wonder where my place is in it all or whether I need to formulate my own space...I want to offer an individual contribution to this cause, this -ism, this state of living we adhere and contribute to...but I want to do it on my own term, through my reality, and perhaps as a voice for those who fear to prject their own...I hope this weekend will serve to draw me closer to the passion my heart is drawn to, the energy my sex can empower in another woman, the desire to effect change on grassroots level...but at the very least, this weekend will get me out of NY for a while and give me time to think out my master plan to SET FREE THE GENDER-CONSTRUCTED WORLD one woman at a time...
I am currently Strong
I am listening to annoying "professionals" in my office

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again...
02/28/2002 01:53 p.m.

I am here again for the second morning in my self-imposed life sentence. I am here to write, again. I have come to the conclusion that in order to do this every morning you need to be lifted. I mean high! Had I not smoked, I would have been stressed out on my way to work right now.


It seems life evolves for a reason, all things happen for a reason, and you can't reason with reason...it will be as it is...Jewels
I am currently Peachy
I am listening to the time fly by

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New Morning Routine
02/27/2002 01:39 p.m.

So I am now working on trying to write every morning...odds: the success of this happening is still undetermined as yet...but optimism is usually found at the start of the race so, I think it could happen and hey, I'm worth it...it may help my stress factor too...it seems my stress levels have reached an all time high, so this may serve to center me..it may not always be interesting but I will be devoting time to writing everyday...and that takes me closer to the passions of my heart and the impulses of my fingers to write and write and write....now I am doing it and so far, it feels great.

I am no morning person, not by a looooong shot...but I am working it out...all for now...late for a meeting...wish me luck...
I am currently Tired
I am listening to the news

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