Still postponing...
04/30/2004 10:29 p.m.
I've done a little bit of straightening out this week, but not nearly enough. I've just been swamped with everything going on right now. Baseball is wearing me out, but it's worth it for the boys and it gets us out of the house.

Got news at work today, nothing terribly bad, but I just wish I'd been consulted/informed ahead of time... I'm going to be working in a special setting agian next year, a semi-self-contained environment with students that are emotionally disturbed... I've done it before and I know that God wouldn't put me there without a reason... friends please remember me in your prayers.

My ire is being stoked again, I'm trying to keep it to a simmer now, although it was at a good steam earlier...the rampage may come soon.
I am currently Bothered

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Sunday evening and postponing the intolerable...
04/26/2004 01:44 a.m.
I should be doing chores.... Heaven knows this place needs it and I haven't had time to do it since baseball season started, but... I'm not, I'm too tired!

Yesterday's rain-out schedule was... yep you guessed it, RAINED OUT! which actually worked out great for me! I got to start my massages early yesterday... did 3, all on people from little league... that $$ sure came at a good time!

Both of my boys have a game tomorrow night, at the same time... gotta watch them both somehow... T-ball, we're playing the team that we're tied with for 2nd place!

My other son's team is still in last place, but they are finally getting some defense going, holding the other teams runs down, more strike outs, fewer walks, ... now if they could just take advantage of bases loaded with 1 out! (they screwed that up 3 times Friday night!)

Yeah, I'm becoming a "baseball mom" watch out!



I am currently Tired

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Finally Friday!
04/23/2004 04:43 p.m.
WHEW! I made it through this week!

Baseball every night... and if it hadn't been for the opportunity to get a little flirting in with a certain coach, I would have dreaded the whole week!

We have the late game tonight, but we'll probably head to the park to pick up the tail end of the T-ball game (since that's who we have to play tomorrow AND Monday, it would pay to get a feel for how they are playing), not to mention I might have to make a little side wager on the game with the opposing coach ;).

Still having a lot of difficulties with J's behavior. It's not as bad as it has been in the past, BUT, there is still a LONG way to go. A recent friend commented on my boys' behavior.. said I must have "nerves of steel"... not really, I just have learned not to let it all show.... but one comment made has me less down on my inadequacies as a parent... It's been a tough 4 years and I'm facing many more challenges down the road, at this point it looks like it's gonna just be God and me facing them, that's sufficient, but still being human, I feel overwhelmed. Just gonna keep going one day, one moment, one step at a time....
I am currently Thoughtfull
I am listening to "Shot through the Heart"

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Well Mr. Weatherman....
04/22/2004 06:10 p.m.
I hate to say this, but my joints and tendons are contradicting your forecast... they are telling me that the bad weather may get here a day early, and it's gonna hit with a vengance. "Rain, Rain go away..." I need my hand strength and my stamina at it's best by Saturday!

I have 3 massages scheduled for Saturday after the t-ball games... if it's a rain out, well I can get them done earlier in the day, IF the clients don't decide to cancel instead. I hope not... I don't think they will, one is my son's T-ball coach and one of her assistants, the other is the opposing team's coach.

It was well worth the trouble and expense of getting a canopy, banner and business cards printed for opening day after all!
I am currently Calm
I am listening to my aching arms/hands moan

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What the blazes!?
04/19/2004 03:36 a.m.
My right forearm has been burning all day!

Last night I thought I had gotten a bit of a sunburn after spending 8 hours at the ball park. Today, I'm not so sure what it is because my right arm is still bright pink and burning, but my left arm is not.

My lovely troubled son picked a plant from underneath the bleachers yesterday and rubbed it on my right arm, now I'm wondering if it wasn't something I'm allergic to... meantime my arm is burning/stinging and driving me crazy!

The stats for all of the teams at our park have been posted now, I don't understand all of the abbreviations, but I can figure out win/loss records and know what place my boys' teams are in currently. I have to say that I KNOW the t-ball team is better than 3rd place, and perhaps we'll have the chance to prove it Tuesday night. We should have tied our game yesterday, but the umpire made a REALLY bad call (he was new and just a kid, but still no excuse for carelessness) and we had the tying runs on base. Bet he doesn't make the same mistake twice!


well guess I need to get to bed soon... ttfn

I am currently Better

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I live in Southeast Texas...
04/15/2004 07:00 p.m.
and I want to adopt the daily siesta!

I'm exhausted! Dealing with all that's been going on in the past weeks and having been sick twice in the last month only increases the fatigue.

If I actually got a lunch hour, instead of 25 minutes to inhale enough food to sustain me for the remainder of the day, I'd take a nap then.

Oh well... baseball scrimmage game tonight at the park. Maybe I'll get the chance to chat with the shy one. =)
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Journey

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Pardon me... Do I know you?
04/15/2004 03:59 a.m.
New meds must be starting to work... The extremes aren't as frequent, although there are still some and we're still having multiple swings, but WOW!

There are still fights, but it's not always WWIII starting up.

And he was asleep at 9! OMG, I can't remember when the last time was that he was in bed voluntarily by 9, let alone asleep! Once he's asleep, he's not waking up constantly, although he can be aroused... and he's NOT dead to the world in the AM!

And his character and personality.... it's been so long since I've seen this side of my son I don't even recognize it! Thank you God for letting me see it again! Here's hoping that we are finally on the right track and this isn't one of the temporary returns to normal he's had in the past.

Oh, and baseball... Houston Astros won! WOOHOO!

So did the little league Astros, unfortunately that's not the team my son plays on, BUT they had their closest loss since opening day scrimmage... without a practice in over a week, and sans two of their better players! I'm excited.

T-ball, my boys kicked BUTT! 20-10! GO YANKEES!

and the Ump... what a cutie ;)
I am currently Blessed
I am listening to my child snoring

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That's the end of that...
04/09/2004 04:05 a.m.
Well, he's out of the study and is being taken off of the meds over the course of the next 9 days. Tomorrow we have an appt. with a different psych.

The clinical psych. with the study agreed that his anger is out of control and is being directed solely at me, although I'm not necessarily the cause of his anger.

So that's the end of the study, hopefully the new psych. will be able to give us something workable.

In other news... my youngest son's t-ball team tied their game tonight. One of the coaches at the park (T-ball and Jr's, also tournament teams) was asking our T-ball coach about me tonight. Kind of ironic, as I was wondering the other night and tonight if he were married, had kids etc.... He's not married (don't know about the kids). This could be an interesting season. =)
I am currently Playful

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So very tired...
04/06/2004 07:32 p.m.
of not getting enough sleep, of trying to figure out what sets him off, of trying to keep him undercontrol, of being cursed at and out, being called horrible, unkind things, by my own child....

I need answers, I need a solution or a resolution, and more and more I'm afraid that the one thing I vowed I wouldn't do will be the end result.... and it all makes me so very, very tired and sad.
I am currently Depressed

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Time for an update I guess...
04/05/2004 03:16 a.m.
Things are still spinning out of control... still not getting enough sleep, and I've just lost an hour to the time change... I want it BACK!

Busy week ahead... baseball games or practice every night, maybe twice a night in some cases! BUT at least I don't have to work on Friday or Monday! I'm going to use the long weekend to catch up on chores and sleep, and to start some of the packing for the move! I can barely wait to move! I wish I could move now, but it'll be better to move when I don't have so many other demands on my time.

I chatted with "him" online briefly... nothing spectacular, and "I told you so" about how busy I am with baseball... whatever, this is the first I've seen him online in two weeks, and he never did return my phone call, sooooooo.... just who doesn't have time for whom?... anyway, it's 10 pm.. I missed Law & Order ( :( )and I still have stuff to do before I can go to bed, so I guess I'll close this for now...

Oh Morpheous, Hypnos... where are you?
I am currently Exhausted

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