Another Friday
06/11/2004 05:24 p.m.
whoppity doo... I can not make myself be excited or happy, one day is just the same as the next on summer vacation, and right now all of those days are pretty much sucking!

My anxiety and stress aren't at full swing yet, I've only been up for about an hour, so far I've been playing to avoidance game... if you don't think about it, don't talk about it, and just leave everyone else alone, things will be just fine. It's not really working, but at least I'm not blowing a gasket, yelling and screaming at my kids because they refuse to do anything they are told and instead insist on creating an even BIGGER disaster area of this place that I'm trying to pack up and clean up. I just don't have the energy or desire to go through that at this point.

Guess I'll go take a hot shower, it sure can't make me feel any worse.
I am currently Pathetic

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Thursday, June 10th
06/10/2004 04:50 p.m.
I am SO freaking bored and don't know what to do. I could be packing, except... 1) I don't know when or where I'm going to be moving 2) I'm running out of room to store boxes in the living room 3) we still have to be able to function in this 1000 sq. ft. apt. until we move.

The boys have either been both sleeping with me in my queen bed, or one with me and one on the living room floor for the past couple of weeks. They have taken over MY domain, I have no personal space anymore! It is driving me to the edge.

I need some things to start falling into place SOON! In the meantime... what to do...
I am currently Bored

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No turning back...
06/09/2004 06:36 p.m.
Well before I could drag my behind out of bed and foce myself to make the phone call I've been dreading, they called me... I have lost the $200 deposit on the townhome. She asked if I just needed it held for a later move-in, but I told her know, I didn't know how long it would take for me to deal with the situation I have right now...

Not that it's any ONE situation... it's mostly how the entire dynamic of my family has been changing over the past several months, and the situation with my own children. at nearly 12 and 7, they need to start moving into their own space and defining themselves as individuals instead of "his brother", etc.

I did put down a security deposit and application for a rental home yesterday. The property owner is in California somewhere right now, so I don't konw how long it'll be, hopefully I'll hear something by mid-week next week.

Other things on the horizon... My oldest son has an appt. with his psychiatrist next week. The boys want to play fall baseball, so I need to get them signed up for that, but will have to wait until I get some more money in, Baseball Allstars will be starting next week, neither of my boys will be playing, but their friends will be, so hopefully we will get to see some of those games... Their team parties will be sometime after Allstars, and they'll be going to stay with their dad for a month after that...
and moving... somehow, someway I have to find a place to live and get moved before June 30!

Well it looks like this is going to be a whirlwind month!
I am currently Anxious

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What to do...?
06/08/2004 12:18 a.m.
Well I called and cancelled my utility transfers today. I may still get charged for 3 days of electric at the other address since I didn't have 3 days notice to cancel it.

I went and looked at 3 rental houses today. They are asking the same rent for each of them, they all have the same interior floor plan.

#1 new carpet, ceramic tile, a garage door opener has been installed, a wooden frame swingset and a storage shed in the back yard, the back yard backs onto an easement with a back gate leading to it... the fence is in need of repairs in a few places, and there is an old wooden glider swing in disrepair in the back yard as well.

#2 they were installing new ceramic tile in it today so I couldln't actually walk into the house. The yard is as big as #1, but there is another house behind it, no storage shed and I didn't see the garage

#3.. OMG I can't believe they are asking $850 for this after seeing the first two places... there are holes in the drywall, the lt. beige berber carpet is terribly stained, no ceramic tile, in fact the linoleum isn't even the same pattern throughout... the rain gutter leaks, there is NO landscaping at all, and the back yard is much smaller... it IS closer to the nature park.

NOW, the decisions.... I have to get a loan against my annuity in order to be able to move in, but if I want to get the house taken off the market I have to put in an $850 deposit and an application fee (usually about $35)... IF I put down the deposit I'll have about $300 to get me through to next payday... June 20th, or until my annuity check comes in... 10-15 days after the company receives the request in writing. I KNOW that I want to move into a house, I really have a good feeling about the first two house I looked at, in fact they are only about 4 houses away from each other... I'm just trying to figure out the financial logistics and trying to NOT stress out about it. I need to call the realtor back tomorrow and let her know what I want to do...

Comeon Cath be a bit more decisive why don't you!
I am currently Frustrated

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Why today, Why now?
06/06/2004 09:09 p.m.
I tossed and turned all night last night, a total feeling of apprehension. I was SUPPOSED to go turn in rent money and pick up the keys to the townhome today, but it just doesn't feel right.

I spent today trying to find a house to rent instead. I have an appt. with a realtor to see three houses tomorrow.

I have been weighing the pros and cons, or trying to, and I'm still so freaking confused and uncertain.

Townhome... Pros a) it's ready to move into now, b) I've already been approved, c) it's only $720 a month.

Cons... a) it's only 2 bedrooms, the boys will have to continue to share a room (this is becoming an issue as the boys are fighting more than ever) b) there is NO yard c) it is about a 25 mile drive to work...two tolls to pay to get there the fastest and gas is still way high!

Home... Pros a) I can get a 3 bedroom and a garage (LOTS OF STORAGE) the boys will have separate rooms b) a yard for the boys and the dogs c) lots more room inside the house itself d) the neighborhoods I'm looking in are MUCH closer to my job, no tolls to pay and I know people in the area already e) it will be in the distrcit for the little league park my boys have been playing in and they both want to play fall ball (no getting home after 10pm!)

Cons... a) it's going to be approx. $850 a month, plus an equal deposit (at least) as far as the monthly rent I'll be saving at least $100/mo on gas and tolls! b)I have to keep the yard work up and I don't have a mower any more

what to do, what to do... oh heaven help me! I wish I just had a clear cut sign or indication or feeling... I have to trust my gut though in telling me that the townhome might not be the right place...

OH, and no matter where I live I have NO living room or dining room furniture
I am currently Troubled

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Inhales or Blows...
06/04/2004 06:40 p.m.
PROFUSELY!!!! I'm not sure which is correct, but suffice it to say that today has NOT been a wonderful, everything falls into place, not a worry or a care kind of day!

This morning I got a call, and my plans for tonight may be altered... no biggie, and the way everything else has worked out since then, it's probably for the best.

Last night I had my son get something out of the trunk of the car, he used my only car key... he never gave it back to me, can't find it anywhere, and I am now operating on the assumption that he locked the blasted thing in the trunk! I can't go to the store and do any shopping, I'm STARVED and there isn't really anything to eat that can be fixed rapidly, not even a snack... and I can't cook a full meal on an empty stomach. I've called Pizza Hut... whatever happened to 30 minute delivery? It's just around the corner yet it's going to take 45 minutes to an hour!


OH... And let me fill you in on something, in pre millenium Saturns (I don't know about newer models as mine is a '98) you can't just go down to the corner hardware store and get a copy made, you can only get a copy from the dealer... NONE of the many key places I've tried has ever had the proper "blank" to make a copy! And how do I get to Saturn without a car? What a pain in my tookus!

My boys have been completely uncooperative with the cleaning and packing chores today...not that the 6 yr old has been much help at all, but the 11 yr old, instead of cleaning up he's just adding to the mess and moving it from one place to another...

So at this point, my apartment is virtually un-navigatable, so I can't exactly have company over when you can't walk in the front door even! I mean I don't have a problem watching movies and eating pizza with moving boxes as as furniture, but you have to be able to get to the restroom etc!

ACK!

I'd say TGIF, but since I'm on summer vacation one day is pretty much the same as any other....

HELP SAVE MY SANITY!
I am currently Frustrated

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Increasing the time frame...
06/04/2004 03:35 a.m.
Well I talked to the electric company.. they will leave the power on here until the 21st and turn the power on at my new place on the 9th... still have a LOT to get done between now and then, and I'm so unmotivated, what is wrong with me!?
I am currently Bummed

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Help someone...
06/03/2004 04:41 p.m.
Give me a good swift kick in the butt or something! I have been completely worthless this week and I have GOT to get everything packed and ready to move by Tuesday at the latest.

With the way utilities and apt. management is here... I have like a 2-5 day window to get out of one place into the other and get this place cleaned up... even though I've paid rent at where I'm moving out of until the end of June.

I thought I'd switch provider's for my electric and then I'd be able to keep power on at both places, BUT the new provider requires a $200 deposit, and I just can't swing that right now... I'm a month behind on my car payment, and a friend is loaning me the money to pay rent at the new place since I'm having to pay two rents this month... next month is rent free though, so I'll be able to pay him back.

Anyway... I'm sure I'd get a hell of a lot more done if I didn't have these two boys fighting, arguing and under my feet all the time, but there's not much I can do about that... it's not like I have family lined up begging to keep my kids for me for a few days so I can get packed or offering to help me pack and move. Oh well, that's enough about my dysfunctional family... I guess I'll go move some boxes around and see what I can convince myself to get done in the next couple of hours
I am currently Bothered

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Another Saturday Night....
05/30/2004 03:14 a.m.
and I have nothing better to do than to watch TV and sit in front of the pc, waiting to be struck by some form of inspiration.

That's not exactly true... I could and SHOULD be packing for my move, my place is ready and I can start moving in next Sunday.... only thing is, now I'm having some second thoughts.

The floorplan I'm moving into... this particular one the washer and dryer are outside of the unit, on a back patio, that isn't completely enclosed. There is about a 3 ft. high wall around it, with no gate. The back door is a sliding glass patio door.... I'm having a few little doubts about security, and I know I'm probably just being ridiculous, but... there is this little doubt that is tickling the corner of my mind... what to do, what to do...?

Baseball season is almost over... My oldest son has practice on Tuesday and his last game (hopefully) on Wednesday. There IS the possibility that he will be in a play-off game if his team wins on Wednesday. Next Saturday is closing day. They will give out trophies and announce All Stars that day too.... I'm no longer holding on to much hope that either of my boys will make the team.

I need to start working on getting my utilities transferred to the new place. I need some furniture too, but that's gonna have to wait I guess, I'm already borrowing money to get moved.

I'm just rambling now, no longer making any sense at all, so I guess I'll just shut up now.
I am currently Anxious

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A link...
05/27/2004 01:42 p.m.
To Andrew's obituary... yes he was as miscievous and full of the dickens as he looks... even more so...

I hope the link works.

Andrew Ryan Davis
I am currently Better

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