Awakening
01/10/2002 06:37 a.m.
Have you ever stopped being friends with someone for something they'v done or how they've treated someone close to you? You stopped hanging out with them, talking to them, even forgetting them for a time being? Then suddenly realizing how childish you have been, no matter how deep you think you were hurt?

Well today I realized just how childish I have been. I was watching tv, and this girl came on that reminded me of a friend I had, and that I had cut out of my life because of something she did. It wasn't exactly what she did, or who she did it to, that upset me the most, it was how she went about it. That's what upset me the most, and I ruined a good friendship because of it. I really got to thinking about this girl, and started wondering how she was doing, what she looked like now, and the like. I thought, you know I've been ignoring/brushing off/pushing away this person long enough, andtits time that I started acting like the mature adult that I'm supposed to be. So I sent her a message via IM and got back in contact with her. I just realized how much I missed talking to her, and how much I missed our friendship. I just hope now we can be friends again, and maybe, just maybe, we can be as good as friends as we once were, or maybe even better, closer friends. If this person, they know who they are (at least I think they do) reads this, I hope you will forgive me for being so childish.
I am currently Reflective
I am listening to Blackmore's Night: Shadow of the Moon: Renaissance Faire

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Random Entry
01/06/2002 04:53 a.m.
Random thoughts can come from anywhere. As I sit here sleepily, plenty of thoughts run through my head. But most of all, what caused those thoughts to appear out of nowhere, or what caused me to think those thoughts when right now all that would be good would be to sleep. However, these thoughts won't let me go there. You may wonder what these thoughts may be, and I would tell you if I could keep a firm hold on them. So are more profound and indepth than others. Some are analytical, others are {can't think of the word, due to sleepdeprivation}. I do know that all this thinking and analyzing has come from one source, which shall not be named. I find myself making a more closely look at myself, my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, and my words. I have realized that I need to take more caution as to what I say, put more thought behind what I say, and actually begin to care about something, if anything, in general. For too long I have cared about nothing as so I wouldn't be bothered with it. Now I am starting to censor my thoughts and what I write, which isn't the point of this so I shall sign off for now.
I am currently Tired
I am listening to Blackmore's Night: Ocean Gypsy

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Dream Journal #1
10/26/2001 01:57 p.m.

I was in this crowd of people at the Pa. Ren. Faire and it is the end of the season. Someone is getting married, or just has and everyone is dispersing. Suddenly I'm having a snowball fight with the characters Blair the Witch and Shakespeare. It was cold but I was having a lot of fun. Shakespeare then appears and asks me to be with him. I told him "no" and then I'm suddenly transported to this huge crowd of pilgrims wearing modern day clothing, and we are all moving in one direction.

Me and Shakespeare are following this rolling rock around, but I don't know what's making it move. Someone grabs the rock and disappears with it. We ask around if anyone has seen the rock and someone shows us where the person had taken it to, and buried beneath a full grown tree. We get ready to dig when Shakespeare notices some strange slice marks on one of the branches of the tree. They were marks which told how many people were hung there. All of the sudden, Shakespeare tells me to run because the corpses are rising. I run back to where everyone else is, which is still in what looks like the ren. faire area. I scream at them to run, and everyone starts running but the walkway on the hill is packed. Suddenly we all stop and there's the devil, standing on what looks like a stairway alongside the walkway. However the walkway is no longer a walkway but stadium seating. He tells us all that we need not fear him and that he will save us. I jumped up and screamed at him "I don't think so!", climbed over the seats in front of me, walked down to where he was standing, grabbed his precious box of coffee mugs, and continued down to the bottom of the steps where I tell him to come down here to talk to me.

The crowd starts murmuring, and the devil looks pissed. Two official looking people come down and tell me that I can't do that, and that I'm under arrest. I just shook my head back and forth as if saying 'no' cause I just realized that these two politicians were working for the devil. The devil makes his way down to me and told me to give back his coffee cups and to go back to my seat. I told him "No, make me.", to which his reply was that since I was so insolent that everyone will pay for my actions. I saw the darkness roll over the crowd, then I closed my eyes, fell to my knees, and started screaming at the top of my lungs "Lord, have mercy!"

After screaming this at least 3 times a bright light broke through the darkness and then along with it came this huge flood of snow. It came so quick and fast that most people didn't have time to react. When I finally got ahold of the chainlink fence on the side (fighting my way across the flood), I looked around. There were people clinging to the fence same as me, and there were some being carried away by the snow flood. I saw Teresa (my sister's friend) and asked her "Have you seen Rachel?" She replied that she hadn't and that maybe she had been swept away. I started to panic, and looked around behind me. There was Rachel (my little sister) and I reached out my hand to her. She grabbed it and I pulled her close, so that she was braced between me and the fence so that she wouldn't be carried away. She then said "I love you" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. To which I replied back "I love you, too" and gave her a kiss on the cheek as well. At this point I woke up but I could still hear the phrases "Lord, have mercy!" and "I love you" ringing in my head.

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