I’d send my love to you by train,
But they do not cross the sea,
And anyway I forfeited that privilege
Too many years ago.

Would telling you that I know now
That I was wrong be enough? Perhaps,
But it should not be: I would not want
To impose myself and my cruelty
Back into your life at a time when
You need the friend I never really was.

Finally, the truth dawns: it is still
You, but I chose to stop seeing that.
It was easier to believe you had changed
Than to admit that I had, that I was
Willingly, almost gleefully becoming
The sort of person that does not
Deserve friendship from anyone.

It is, of course, too late.
My ever selfish desire to help is thwarted
By the certainty of the pain I would
Bring you when you already have too much.

Perhaps, one day, I will learn to accept
That there is no way back from
The torture I so wantonly inflicted
On one I claimed to love;
But today is not that day.

My punishment continues with memories
That keep me from sleep and
The unending temptation of a number
It seems I will never forget.

I’d send my love to you by any means
That will get it there, but it is
The last thing you need, and so
I remain in the shadows, wishing you
A return to the joy you always deserved.

12/06/2021

Author's Note: Sequel to "Aftertaste". Hopefully the final instalment.

Posted on 12/12/2021
Copyright © 2024 Richard Vince