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two open hands

by Maria Kintner

Simple January;
when I had no idea what was coming before me,
and I looked at the rest of the year like a girl
making wishes in the dusky sky.

Not the sickness.
Not the homicidal insects,
or the broken society,
or the empty wallets and greedy tummies

Not the fear in half-moon faces as we swam around those we loved the most.

But the storm that is you.

The Keeper of Keys to walls I had thought I lost for good.
Finding your way inside,
breeching my fortresses, one by one.

You came in like a sweet vapor.
quietly convincing me;
reminding me of things I purposely forgot.

Catching me off guard and frightened, and pushing in anyway.
Unfazed by my fears and boundaries

I’m supposed to see your red flags as dangerous.
I’m supposed to scream when you slice into me,
and find your way into my skin

You, who invades by night, but disappears like a cloud burning off in the morning.
Blowing away as if you never were.

You expect to possess me without a fight.

I want only one of two things:

You, in your bone and flesh, warm breath and strong hands,
with arms that I can hide into, without the worry of your absence.

Or sweet, simple January, before you knocked on my door.

I want a chance to change the locks before it's too late.


Author's Note: the most chaotic thing in my world is you and your place in it. I love it and am terrified of it. Update: It's too late.

Posted on 05/28/2020
Copyright © 2021 Maria Kintner

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