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by Ava Blu

there was a time when i was innocent i remember playing in the dirt and not worrying about who was up next to break me
dirtying up my barbies, twisting their hair into buns, and forcing them to kiss ken didn’t seem wrong, it didn’t seem like it was anything really, just a normal thing to do
but then how did those images pop into my head? how did i know ken would like for barbie to kiss him down there
repressed memories, forgotten moments that shaped me into this
and i wonder how many times it really happened, how many times was i in the bathtub with him;
the hands exploring parts of me that i didn’t know could even feel
i don’t remember crying, i don’t remember screaming for help but i do remember re-enacting everything with those barbies
years later, i watch other kids playing with barbies and i question the validity of everything
memories can be forged from immense imagination; couldn’t this be that?
but then i see him again as an adult
i watch his eyes burning holes through my skin and i realize nothing was fake except my own innocence.


Posted on 05/24/2019
Copyright © 2021 Ava Blu

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