I walked...
a long time,
the chill of winter
settling into my bones
like an old lover

you were always on my mind
like a shadow
when all I really needed
was to feel the warmth of the sun

I could feel you shake and tremble
beneath my fury,
my fear,
my anger of everyone and everything
that tripped me along my path of righteousness

We sure as hell weren't easy, were we?

You, the one who controlled her destiny
with every step, every move...
every awkward glance,
and me,
well me...
who fought hard against the resistance
or whoever might want something good for me

It was cold by Arizona standards
leaves falling
barren trees
gravel colored everything

I tried to be human
if only for the moment
but instead,
I found peace in cigarette butts
and the bottom of beer glasses
at the only bar within walking distance

I distracted myself
with the thought of lovers past
of friends whom I will probably
never see again

Thoughts of my previous self...

Maybe the only true self I have ever known

But that self,
is more socially unacceptable
than even the two of us are now

Which is saying a lot

It is the equivalent of reading between the lines

of...

You're ultimate beliefs

"Do what is right, not what is easy"

But what does that mean
when you are an "easy soul"

someone who accepts
someone who loves
someone who finds
the amazing in others
even when they are considered faults...

How do you compromise then?

I stare solemnly at the yellowed leaves
that snap and moan an untimely death
beneath my feet

I walk toward our home
knowing you are waiting for me
to come and release you
from all of the fear that you have
trapped inside your ribcage

but
I dont want to talk
I dont want to cry
I dont want to give you comfort
in your time of need

You stepped away from me
and at the same time
caged me and isolated me

You found freedom
because I gave you wings

And just like everyone else
You took those wings and flew
and you looked down on me
from the clouds above
because I had my limitations
...my own wounds
that had beaten and broken my wings...

You said you loved me...
Did you really???
Or, did you love what you had created
in your head the moment we met....

12/27/2017

Posted on 12/27/2017
Copyright © 2024 Britt Zimmerman