It is a feeling that makes no sense:
The void left by a friend I never had.
One cannot close a door
That was never opened.

Perhaps I am wrong to believe I was
Wrong. She could have heard anything,
Believed everything from a mouth
Closer to her ear than mine ever was.
Perhaps what I fear her hearing
Most is the truth.

There is a secret in my bag,
In my memory, in my too often
Treacherous heart, in my eyes.
Perhaps she saw it after all.

It is out of date, it no longer matters,
And yet it could still be news,
A revelation that suddenly paints
The past in darker hues, that pulls sense
From a tangle of confusion.

Perhaps it never mattered.
I have lost nothing: the only chances
Were ones I could never take; the only
Opportunities I missed were ones that
Existed only in my imagination.

And yet the gap is still there:
A yearning, if not for a friend,
Then at least for a friendly greeting,
A welcoming smile, a small confirmation
That she is the angel
I always imagined her to be.

This is a timely reminder that
There is still a long way to go;
That I need to grow out of my desire to
Constrict others; that I should cease to
Create problems that cannot be solved.

01/12/2017

Posted on 01/22/2017
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