When I knew what I wanted, I was
Wrong; misguided, led astray by the
Promise of glory, yet to find enough
Beauty in the world to kill the desire
To try and save it.

For too long, I took comfort in
Not having to think, not needing
To decide, being left to occupy
Myself with trivialities.

Now, I find that my gaze will always
Stretch all the way to the horizon,
Natural or artificial, searching
In vain for something to aim for,
Somewhere to be, something to be,
Someone to be.

I have spent my life looking the other way
While countless doors closed behind me,
Only to look for them now and find
They have blended seamlessly into the walls
That bound my seemingly shrinking world.

Perhaps the thought that I could have
Done anything left a choice too bewildering,
Left no choice but to be taken by the tide;
Or perhaps that is merely an excuse,
Retrospective justification for the many ways
In which I have failed myself.

Everyone is dressed for winter now,
And that is how my memories feel:
Kept warm, kept indoors, shrinking from
The all too early twilight into sunny memories
Of youth, when everything seemed possible
But nothing, for me, really was.

11/19/2015

Posted on 01/15/2016
Copyright © 2024 Richard Vince