Thursday was a microcosm of me:

From nerves alternating with terror,
Through forced and feigned friendliness,
Through opportunistic scribbling of bitterness,
Through seemingly creepy lurking,
Through silence among enthused chatter,
Through abortive final approaches,
Through joy beyond hope and profound relief,
To self doubt and disbelief.

It was another calling point on
My journey of self discovery;
The place in which I came to realise,
Finally, that who I am often conflicts
With what I want and need.

It was yet another trip through
Hell and back to reach a small slice of
Heaven; and the urge to replicate is,
Inevitably, here, in the part of me that
Believes it was all real.

One day, surely, I will gain objectivity,
Realism, to replace this binary state
Of fiction and imagination, this oscillation
Between cathode and anode.

For now, my unsteady feet take
Hesitant steps forward until I find them
Shuffling back, my head bowing,
My thoughts folding into themselves like
A pair of clean socks, waiting for the cycle
To begin again.

10/10/2015

Posted on 11/10/2015
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