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Unrecognizable

by Jeffrey Parren

Unrecognizable
is all that is me.

No matter how tormented
I was always still me.

I shone thru the constant
anguish
to at least continue
the veil of happiness.

My smile could penetrate
the doubts about my emotional state.

The ongoing suffering
about who I am
about what I am supposed to be
about what I am supposed to be doing
with this fragile life.

-

My life started to end in 2001.
T-boned by a Buick,
the Saturn I drove was inoperable,
like my body for nearly three months.

My hormones shifted.
I ate to recover; I haven't stopped.

-

Then in 2004 my mother was taken,
by poor genetics, by poor luck
but never by poor decisions.

I'll never see someone more dedicated
in being herself, knowing herself,
and trying to better herself, than her.

She knew me better than I ever will.

No diet could squelch the diabetes
that controlled her existence.

She left October, 2004.

-

In and out of relationships,
a couple serious here and there,
and then the one
(that was supposed to be
the everlasting)
that began mid 2006.

It didn't fail from my
lack of trying, though
my efforts were futile.

Late 2009 I decided
that leaving was the only solution.

The lies, the accusations...
everything thrown at me.

I was honest to the end.

-

I am broken.

The once fragile ornament
is now shattered upon
the smoldering ground
of misfortune and missed opportunities.

I hope that one day
a mosaic I will become,
but I know better.

For now, for ever
I will continue to be
unrecognizable.

09/19/2015

Author's Note: Leaving it out there for all to see.

Posted on 09/19/2015
Copyright © 2021 Jeffrey Parren

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