I'm back, and unfeeling,
I'm back and unknown,
I'm back and I'm drinking,
I'm back and I don't know
Where I've been all this time,
Wailing out amongst the pine,
Skipping and swaggering and having the time
Of My life! I'm an adult now,
And everything I say seems to have more clout,
I've been through some stuff, and I've seen quite enough,
And I have a lesson or two.
For the me that wished he'd experienced real pain,
For the me that without talent, was trying in vain,
For the me that was hopeful an answer could be found,
For the that me that simply hadn't fell hard enough
To the ground.
Time has come, I think,
To spin out this story, and make poetry as I sink.

I've always been pretentious and it's reassuring to think
That art can be created from this terrible thing,
That I have wrestled with for so many years,
Of which I've written so many words and express so many fears,
It's real my friend, and it's with me till death,
And nothing I can do will diminish it's strength.

But all in all, I feel good! (A lie)
Because my definition of myself was correct,
My articulation of what I am, perfect,
And I couldn't have been more right.
We all like being right. Except me.

I've been reading through my old poems.
I'm truly stunned at the prophetic nature
Of these messy outpourings.
How did I know!? I'm no expert or great mind,
But I've always said that you learn yourself the best
In Time.
And you learn to read what no one else can read,
And you learn to see what no one else can see.
And in my case it's not good! In my case
It's more terminal that I had originally conceived -
But I don't care, and do you know why?

I had to give up the drugs - I was sure I would die,
So I took up drinking, and that is why
I have this artificial boldness, that can take on the sky,
And nothing about me could now be described as shy.
So I'm out on a ledge, far more often than before,
And I'm taking greater risks when my mental health is poor.
But I hear more beautiful songs, and I know myself more,
And my final act will be one I hope you all adore.

03/07/2015

Posted on 03/07/2015
Copyright © 2024 Danny Washington