I cannot will you away
You are trapped inside my rib cage
And as much as you shake
And rattle
And push...
The deepest of breaths
won't send you away

Believe me,
I would be glad
To be rid of you
Heal that part of me
That you loved and then left
With reckless abandon

It's far from heartbreak.

My heart is still beating,
Still pushing blood through my veins.

It's my soul that's broken
And no matter how hard I try
It doesn't heal

It's not just you,
Or you,
Or him,

It's all of everyone
That has ever relentlessly
Pursued me
Told me they loved me
And in the same breath
Told me how everything that I did
Was wrong
Everything I said
Was wrong
How...
Every ounce of me
Every piece of my soul
Was just not right
Just not good enough
Not funny enough
Not talkative enough
Not quiet enough
Too messy
Too wild
Too much

And I still don't understand
Why they call it heartbreak
When it's your soul that's broken...

The heart is just a muscle
Operating on impulses
Driven from the brain.

Not at all like how it feels
When you're driven by impulses
From somewhere deeper
Like a vision from a past life
Or a silent film
Buried so deep down
It hurts
And when it's over
Its hollow
And sad
And numb

And it's not the rhythmic beat that dies
It's a part of who you are
And everything changes
You, yourself
Me, myself
And I can't understand
Where it all comes from
Or why

But eventually,
I will have to sew
Everything back together
Find a stronger me.
Put on another bandage and
let the stitches dissolve
And itch and ache
While I heal...

01/30/2015

Posted on 01/30/2015
Copyright © 2026 Britt Zimmerman