Eliza couldn't stomach the morning swords,
the sprawling Knights on horseback
racing gallantly toward one another
as their heavy chainmail armored steeds
galloped in the moonlight.

Eliza Darin,
third sister of Lord Cravis Starkeep,
sworn squire to his grace King Clement Ogart,
and former "Gloved protector" of Shangrelgah,
the cloaked island on the coast of the Ferry Edges,
sat in disgust tonight.

It wasn't the Knights tournament,
nor their miraculous jousting,
or the swinging or their Morningstar's
that troubled her.

For it was the label of her new bra
sticking into the skin of her back,
and no matter how much she twisted and jerked
she couldn't get the damn thing right.

As Sir Glandis speared Sir Brayne of the Clantille Islands
with a jarring blow to the jugular
Eliza thought,
"I've got to remember with some confidence that I'm much too fat for Victoria's Secret."

09/29/2014