Charging through
with jaws unglued
and pleasure seekers
straw dilutes
the illest piece
of tall vermouth
with legs to Saturn
and Pisces moons
and carnal clocks
that sound at noon
in summers haze
her rear confused
it bounces off
thigh bones soon
to be alone
but rightfully screwed
as pleasure seekers
drop by round noon
and by 3 they're drowning
in Whore's Lagoon.
Great poem, it was fun to read. I like the flow of it but feel it gets interrupted near the end. "but rightfully screwed". This would flow better, in my opinion, with "but rightly screwed." And if there was a break near the end, "and by 3 / they're drowning."
