I try to hide from your art,
in the house you rejected
for a space of your own.

The sense of admiration
I once had is now lost.

I hide from your informed
perspective,
from what I can no longer
feel for you.

Memories of our intimacy,
all the things about you
that made sense -
how your life fit so perfectly
into mine.

I really hoped it would
mean something
at least it deserved to be
much more than you revealed
in the end.

Sometimes I wonder
if the love I felt then
I wanted so much
that I felt it enough
for the both of us.

I know it’s been some time now
and I have done my fair
share of healing,
but I still think about you –
I hold a half breath there
which I can’t fully expel.

I’m not sure
that we ever really recover you know,
from the disconnection.
It’s like a cut and the scar
that’s left behind.

Every now and then a song
comes on the radio
and I laugh awkwardly
by myself in the car
thinking back on a silly moment -
I shake my head.

But I am
smiling again.

And even though
the pain varies -
between dying
and liberation,
like a veil of darkness
that’s suddenly cut into pieces
by a brilliant
flickering reel of light.

We are somehow prepared
for loneliness.

We are cemented and bound
to our own reality.

All those years it took
to authenticate
to harden and shape
the bedrock
of who I am -

Remains.

07/15/2013

Author's Note:

Posted on 07/15/2013
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