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Samuel L. Jackson Narrates My Life

by Maria Francesca

I woke up yesterday
to discover
that my life was being narrated
by Samuel L. Jackson.

Now, I know it's strange enough
to have one's every thought and action
described out loud
for the benefit
of some unseen observer

but by Samuel L. Jackson?

You have to understand
that I'm a quiet
and, ultimately,
a boring person.

I go to work.
I come home.
I watch t.v. with my boyfriend.
I nag him.
He feeds the cat.

None of these things
really requires the voice talents
of Mr. Jackson.

He has his own sort of style
that does not ideally lend itself
to the pedestrian events
that fill my day;

lots of yelling in annoyed tones
and the extensive use of the word
"motherfucker".

If I had thought about it -
and I hadn't -
I would have supposed the job
would've gone to Andy Rooney
or maybe Erma Bombeck,
with occasional input from Oprah -
you know -
on the really good days.

But no,
it was Samuel:

"She ran for the motherfuckin' bus",
"She finished the goddamned report",
and
"Damn, Bitch - had he seriously not fed the motherfuckin' cat yet?!!"

Nobody seemed to notice Mr. Jackson's disembodied voice,
and I didn't tell anybody about it,
but it got me thinking.

(Voice-over:
"The Bitch finally started thinking about it that night.
Hale-motherfuckin'-luyah!")

I thought about it all night long-

and I came to a decision:

(Voice-over:
"This morning
she shot outta bed like a goddamned rocket,
threw on a smokin' hot dress
and some bad-ass spikey red high heel shoes
and she made some different choices today.

Were some of those choices a little 'extreme'? -
You bet your shiny ass they were.

Did she step on a few toes? -
She sure as fuck did!

but did that bitch stop dragging her pathetic ass through life
and start walkin' the motherfuckin' world?

Now,
what do you think?)

07/13/2013

Posted on 07/14/2013
Copyright © 2020 Maria Francesca

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by George Hoerner on 07/15/13 at 09:57 PM

I hope she did because you deserve it! One rarely thinks of a swearing woman, but why. I don't because I rarely swear myself except for the hammer that hit my finger instead of the nail. But "you"?? Yes, you as much as anyone else I know who has always looked at the world through 'what colored' glasses. Keep it up m'lady you never know what might come from letting yourself go. And what ever else take care!

Posted by Joe Cramer on 07/20/13 at 01:51 PM

... excellent.....

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