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Cyclical

by Richard Vince

With old sadness comes old temptation:
Memories of the feeling of escape;
Of windows onto worlds of
Alternative questionable reality.

With temporary relief comes lingering
Shame and persistent numbness.
The treatment is worse than the disease,
And it cannot stop the growth of
This dark mass in my soul.

*
The continental climate in the city
By the lake speaks to me of
Exhaustion; of harsh winters and
Draining summers separated by
All too brief periods of comfort.

That alien metropolis, then, is
A mirror to the cycle of my soul,
Seemingly at turns full and absent
Like the Moon in the night sky.

After a prolonged hiatus, I feel
At last that it is waxing, but
My gladness at its return is
Tempered by horror at what
It seems to be becoming; my words
Leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

*
Word after word after word emerges…
What happened to that effortless
Eloquence that so delighted my heart?
What became of the idealistic, ever present
Source of joy to whom, once,
I would gladly have given my heart?

I miss her.

*
And, somehow, I feel a fraud: I dug
This hole myself, and yet I try
To blame another for putting me here.
It is I who has created this monster.

04/04/2013

Posted on 04/13/2013
Copyright © 2022 Richard Vince

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by George Hoerner on 04/13/13 at 01:38 PM

We tend to be our own worst monsters Richard. But it is how it should be. We have the opportunity to face it directly if we know what it is and if don't then we should at least keep it at arms length. And from one who knows how hard that is, take a deep breath and let it out slowly...very slowly.......until it doesn't have the complete control it feels like it does. The write could have been mine 10 years ago or yesterday. But you have written better than I on the subject and that is another way to take it on. I can’t tell you there is even a “cure”. Sometimes I think those that don’t know they have monsters inside them are not seeing all there is to reality. Take care Richard.

Posted by Angela Stevens on 04/17/13 at 08:50 PM

I agree with George when he says: "Sometimes I think those that don’t know they have monsters inside them are not seeing all there is to reality.".

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