some days i think
i can make it
and other days i wake up
screaming

at the realization of my loss.

i carry you around
in a painful way,
your memory enfolds me
and i cannot breathe,

i cannot think
without you,

without remembering,
your hands,
the shuffle of your feet
or sound of you sleeping,

lost in the rain at river walk
we didn't need an umbrella,
we took shelter in our laughter
and watched birds bathing
in the dirty water.

your face in the Bahamas,
eyes like the ocean,
pure joy as you drank your Sands beer
promising me we would live there
one day,
wishing we could never leave.

dancing under the stars
in our driveway
to the music of the cars passing by,
your big feet in the way
but all i saw was your smile.

our hands in the garden
side by side
and the foxgloves grew so big
with love

and my heart grew so big
with love.

the many hikes we took,
you ruined your shoes in the water
just to get in with the dogs,
knee deep in the rivers,
every waterfall we could find

and you cried when we buried
every animal
and when we put Rocco
under the ground
you buried him with your
favorite blanket,
spider-man,
and we cried for days
or weeks and we thought the pain
would never end

but we made it through
with each other

and now i watched them bury you
alone
and i sat on your grave
feeling the red dirt beneath my
fingers,
wishing for you,
wishing to wake up
from this nightmare.

and i played you willie nelson, bob dylan, johnny cash
wishing that music could bring you back,
that your sweet voice would sound
from somewhere
singing

but it didn't
and it won't
and you are gone

though you are never really gone,
you are always here
in my mind,
your memory so fresh
i can feel it,
i can hear you,

you are so close,
you are so close,
always.

01/15/2013

Posted on 01/22/2013
Copyright © 2026 Blair Meeks