Your Turkey Late Out of The Oven?

by Steven Craig

Your Turkey Late Out of The Oven?

Sounds as though you have a held up Turkey Day....

May have to call Home Land Security...

They would come out and investigate the cause...

And find additional threats to your Turkey Day....

The Great offender being....

Deep Fryers...

Deep Fryers are latent time bombs ticking all across the country

Ready to burn down and destroy the nation as we know it

Never in the History of this country have we see such a threat

Taken squarely in hand

By such a large and serious organization as Home Land Security.

The total caloric reservoir of energy

Measured by heat

And the vector of explosive expansion

Measured by 3,000,000 degree cooking oils

Exceeds the thermal-nuclear arsenal of Albania by 7 fold.

One by One

Dozen by dozen

Hundreds by hundreds

Deep Fryers, particularly of Turkeys for Thanksgiving

Are being approached by remote control robots

Analyzed for their terrorist footprint

Forensics performed on all marks and prints and fibers there on

The device carefully but completed rendered safe and harmless

And dumped into crash proof canisters for disposal

Under Cypress Mountain National Threat Depository in Greece, Nevada.

Understand that this takes time

And tax payers dollars

But promotes the continued advance of new and modern technology

Vital to future space programs and gas well fracturing

But still, the threat level in this country is at RED 1000 Extreme Blinkie Red Light

Due to the unexpectedly large number of Turkey Deep Fryers as well as French Fryers

But rest assured

The Department of Home Land Security is relentless in its myopic task

Saving the nation from frying over

From becoming a burnt crisp

From a fate worst than any goop on the Pa Turnpike

Or another 4 years of the same political mood in Washington

The Department of Home Land Security is on the Job

Leaving you with this unifying message

By their spokesman in Washington

"We are resolute on saving the nation from the looming disaster

of a deep fryer meltdown anywhere in this country.

And you can rest assured

Knowing in every God Fearing heart and soul of our citizens

That nothing will stop us nothing will stop us nothing will stop us


I have it on the best of source information that the DHS

will be out to rid the nation next

of Alvin and the Chipmucks for Christmas

Perhaps not this Christmas,

but one Christmas.


Posted on 11/24/2011
Copyright © 2020 Steven Craig

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