Your Turkey Late Out of The Oven?
by Steven Craig
Your Turkey Late Out of The Oven?
Sounds as though you have a held up Turkey Day....
May have to call Home Land Security...
They would come out and investigate the cause...
And find additional threats to your Turkey Day....
The Great offender being....
Deep Fryers...
Deep Fryers are latent time bombs ticking all across the country
Ready to burn down and destroy the nation as we know it
Never in the History of this country have we see such a threat
Taken squarely in hand
By such a large and serious organization as Home Land Security.
The total caloric reservoir of energy
Measured by heat
And the vector of explosive expansion
Measured by 3,000,000 degree cooking oils
Exceeds the thermal-nuclear arsenal of Albania by 7 fold.
One by One
Dozen by dozen
Hundreds by hundreds
Deep Fryers, particularly of Turkeys for Thanksgiving
Are being approached by remote control robots
Analyzed for their terrorist footprint
Forensics performed on all marks and prints and fibers there on
The device carefully but completed rendered safe and harmless
And dumped into crash proof canisters for disposal
Under Cypress Mountain National Threat Depository in Greece, Nevada.
Understand that this takes time
And tax payers dollars
But promotes the continued advance of new and modern technology
Vital to future space programs and gas well fracturing
But still, the threat level in this country is at RED 1000 Extreme Blinkie Red Light
Due to the unexpectedly large number of Turkey Deep Fryers as well as French Fryers
But rest assured
The Department of Home Land Security is relentless in its myopic task
Saving the nation from frying over
From becoming a burnt crisp
From a fate worst than any goop on the Pa Turnpike
Or another 4 years of the same political mood in Washington
The Department of Home Land Security is on the Job
Leaving you with this unifying message
By their spokesman in Washington
"We are resolute on saving the nation from the looming disaster
of a deep fryer meltdown anywhere in this country.
And you can rest assured
Knowing in every God Fearing heart and soul of our citizens
That nothing will stop us nothing will stop us nothing will stop us
(scratch....)
I have it on the best of source information that the DHS
will be out to rid the nation next
of Alvin and the Chipmucks for Christmas
Perhaps not this Christmas,
but one Christmas.
11/24/2011
