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Wonder

by Erin Jones

i wonder if
when i get older
i’ll look back on my life
and be content
with the idea
that this is the only life
i’m ever going to live
with me as i am

i wonder if
when the pain stops
building upon itself
i’ll be able
to feel again
or if i’ll just continue
through this existence
right here where i am

i wonder if
when there’s too much
emotion shuts down itself
i can express myself
but only on paper
because in real life
i feel nothing in particular
all i have is tears

i wonder if
when i create for myself
an imaginary existence
that makes me
closer to happy
that imaginary existence
begins to be something
no longer imaginary

i wonder if
i’ve destroyed myself
from the inside out
to the point
of no return
if i can still save myself
or if i must simply accept
what i’ve made for myself

i wonder if
when i get older
i’ll look back on my life
and be content
with the idea
that this is the only life
i’m ever going to live
with me as i am

09/13/2011

Posted on 09/13/2011
Copyright © 2020 Erin Jones

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Mo Couts on 09/14/11 at 07:04 AM

This poem was particularly touching for me, as I'm asking myself all of these same questions right now and can completely relate to them. Nicely done.

Posted by Cole Bradburn on 10/13/11 at 08:02 PM

well done Erin, a great juxtaposition of uncertainty and doubt yearning for knowledge and possibly acceptance. Great write.

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