by Erin Jones

“i’ve seen what happens
when people with your disorder
have done what you’re doing
and within ten years
you’ll be institutionalized”
bring on the tears
this isn’t really happening
this isn’t the world i live in
i live in the happy place
the one that says i’m doing okay
that says that it helps me
because it takes away the pain

“it fucks with your brain”
as though i didn’t know
some surprise that it does
it fucks with a lot of things

“just because you’re not doing it
every day all day or uncontrollably
doesn’t mean that you aren’t caught”
little does he know
i am doing it every day
and pretty much all day, too
maybe i’m just in denial
but i’m not an addict or a junkie
i just like it when it helps me

everyone around me is panicking
they’re worried about me

“i’ll be back” i say
he looks so sad to say goodbye
he cares about me, i realize
and seeing me like this
apparently is upsetting

“i hope so”


Posted on 09/13/2011
Copyright © 2021 Erin Jones

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Joan Serratelli on 09/18/11 at 04:19 PM

been there, done that. PLEASE be careful with Meds. SSSRI's are NOT benign. The side effects are unusual but irreversible. There is no such thing as a "happy pill". They mask symtoms- you need to get to the root of the problem and yank it out.

Posted by Meghan Helmich on 09/21/11 at 12:16 PM

This sounds exactly like a conversation I had with my psychiatrist about 7 months ago. Then I went to rehab. Be careful, whatever your situation may be.

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