how many times have i stared at medicine cabinets
and wondered the amount of pills it would take?
how many times have i stared into once familiar eyes now hollowed out
and reflecting a dismal flood?


i carry my pills and liquor in an orange trash bag, 
i carry only the clothes on my back, 
the fur coat that once belonged to Marilyn Monroe or
Rita Hayworth or Bette Davis;
it belonged to some Hollywood star 
who may have been on this same stretch of highway instead of me 
had life possessed a different outcome


i never stick out my thumb, i do not want a ride, 
i will camp on top of the Hollywood sign
and fill my lungs with polluted air


i traded shoes with a hippie in Berkeley last night
because i couldn't climb the tree beside her and 
spend my life protesting the very things i once used
no, i couldn't pretend like the Gucci store didn't have a personal spending limit for me


any moment, a limo could come by to take me back to the set of some other high-budget movie i don't care about, 
another moment and someone could come by 
with the children i aborted in covered jars with tiny holes for them to breathe


any moment 
and i could take one step into the highway, 
let fate decide if it's my day to die,
ask god for a helping hand while the devil places bets on whether god listens


at any moment, i may fall down 
covered in muddy money thrown to me from the passing cars, 
the ones too afraid of looking into a mirror so they never stop


i carry an orange bag full of pills and liquor 
yet
i believe somewhere amongst them lies my soul.

05/16/2011
Author's Note: 


(Not a contest entry, obviously, but I was inspired by the picture.)




Posted on 05/16/2011
Copyright © 2026 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Gabriel Ricard on 05/16/11 at 08:50 PM
An endlessly compelling bit of narrative. You move us through some pretty strong visuals over the course of what might be going through this woman's head for only a few moments. Good stuff.
Posted by Corry Tincher on 05/17/11 at 04:13 AM
Whoa, it is amazing what you do with words. I wonder where it all comes from, how you can take so much from looking at a photo and create in the way that you do...what word describes that? Talent? A gift from god? Hm, that's more of a sentence than a word.
Posted by Julie Adams on 05/24/11 at 08:19 PM
I am thrilled with the idea of the contest, and this is a fine example of a quality entry, how you ever lead by example, breathing life into all you do...a pleasure, always, jewels
Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 05/26/11 at 06:02 AM
pills and liquor... seen it too many times. awesome take and insight into a life.
Posted by James Zealy on 05/26/11 at 09:17 PM
Very impressive, very dark with a caraff of anger and dispair.  Perfect for the picture.
Posted by Timothy Wilson on 07/08/11 at 04:30 AM
you pinned flawlessly a tragically commong demon inside too many people particularly these days, yet you gave insight as well, to your own identity and feelings on feelings if that makes sense. Whatever you did hear I liked it. Words seam to crumble submissively to your brilliance, and I can just imagine you smaking them into the perfect place, like it was no big feat. love it, and continue being you, I hope you can work through some of these issues.