the sense of awareness
and profound change
that sweeps over you
the moment you find out

that you are with child

is unmeasurable by any other
i have experienced

save one

the moment you find out
that same child is no more

those past weeks of joy
sharing this gift with others
tending to your
body, mind and soul
so that your wee one will have
a soft, warm, wonderful place to grow
and thrive until the moment
they deisre to be held by loving arms

sinks like a dead (funny word) weight
in the pit of your stomach
the tears don't surface at first

you look over at the others
trying to find some answers
some solice in their eyes

and even they have none

then you wait
for your body to reject this gift

you wait
for the blood to trickle
then flow down your legs

you wait for the pain
the pain
the pain

not only physical

but that pain
that never really goes away

you wait for that pain
hoping it will ease some of this

whatever it is

my child would have been 14 this year

and i have cried
and i have hurt
and i have grieved

not only for the child i lost
so many years ago
but for the others
i have never been given the chance to love

childless and barren
these words that sting

to be a mother
has always been my greatest desire

05/08/2011

Posted on 05/08/2011
Copyright © 2026 Shonda Chrissonberry