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STOP THE BULLYING
by Shonda Chrissonberry***see author's note***
i was never the first to hear
"Red Rover Red Rover..send Shonda on over"
all the kids knew that
you never picked the fat girl
until you had to
the horizontial bars on the playground
always looked like triple failure
even the one closest to the ground made fun of me
and my non-existent cherry drop attempts
i never ate the school lunches
i didn't want anyone staring at the
fat kid shove another piece of food
in her mouth
at age 9
i knew
they didn't sell those
name-brand-what-ever-you-call-it-acid-washed jeans
and the expensive shirt to match at Wal-Mart
and forget the mall for a teen
that knew the meaning of
plus size
the skinny cheerleaders and jocks
with the perfect smile never noticed
the girl with those three rolls of extra flesh
doing swan dives under her shirt
or maybe they did and that is why
i never fit in
i thought to myself
if you are not noticed
sometimes this is a good thing
at age 16
i knew
so i starved myself
and did some recreational drugs
and finally fit into a size twelve
and the guys started noticing
and the attention was nice
and so was the sex
and the drinking
and the clubing
and
and that was all it was
at age 23
i knew
so i grew back into my curves
and embraced my self-imposed isolation
and stopped the self-mutiliation of
this life is a stage
i cried myself to sleep
at the notion that i was
in my late 20's with neery a solid
relationship behind me
while all my past desires
tormented me in my dreams
at age 28
i knew
then one day i simply
looked at myself
ME
in the mirror
then i revisited that image
in my mind's eye
and smiled
because
at age 36
i know
that when i am laying in bed
alone
i may not be able to see my hip-bones through
the slender sheets
but i can glide my hands over my curves
and feel the real ME
that when i make my bed the next morning
sans any clothes just my t-shirt nightie
i like the way my
boobs sway and fall against my body
that when i exit that t-shirt nightie
and hope into the shower
to start over fresh
how the water flows down and over
my broad shoulders
my full breasts
my not so never has been flat tummy with the extra rolls
my thighs rubbing together with flesh
my calves of attitude
even on my square boxy toes
that when i slide into my
size 24 slacks
my 44D bra
my even bigger top
and my size 8 1/2 W pumps
that all of this is ME
and it is wonderful
because it has taken ME
many years of
ignorant bullys
hurtful laughs
stinging taunts
glance overs
passer bys and judge me by my cover people
to realize that
they are missing out
that
I AM BEAUTIFUL
I AM WORTHY
I AM WONDERFUL
I AM WOMAN
I AM ME
take it or leave it 04/09/2011 Author's Note: I simply have no words for a complete title. Maybe one day I will come up with a sufficient one. Maybe not, but that is ok. This piece is so raw for me, but it has been a long time coming and I am glad I was able to get it out. I've heard so much about bullying lately. I know the feeling of control they have over you as a child and even teen and the feeling of helplessness it gives you. I know the emotions of every facet that swells up inside of you when you know they don't see what you see in yourself. I know the damage it does and the toll it takes on the very psyche of a person especially a young mind and soul wanting to blossom into something. But I also know the road to peace if only you will allow yourself to love who you are and what you have become. So this is dedicated to all who know my journey. Together we can educate and hopefully STOP THE BULLYING!
Posted on 04/09/2011
Copyright © 2026 Shonda Chrissonberry
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Alison McKenzie on 04/09/11 at 07:02 PM OMG - crying here. I love you too. Not that knowing that does anything particularly exciting for you, but we ARE, you-n-me, sisters in this great big world of bullying. We should form a family, call it something like "Bullied United". This is a beautiful write, Shondy, heartfelt and on the mark - for many of us, I'm sure! |
| Posted by E. A. Pugh on 04/09/11 at 08:45 PM Yes! I get it, clear message that will stand against the media that shapes our feminine expectations. I heard a stylist say she has come to love her 38L ‘s ;)
(Longs)
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| Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 04/09/11 at 11:17 PM God, yes! I have this hunch that young bullies grow to be twenties-thirties-forties bullies, and on and on, once a bully, forever a bully. I don't think, either, that bullies ever really recognize themselves as bullies. There's always some "logic" (in their mind) to why they say what they say and act how act towards others. A veil of innocence and superiority-thinking covers their receptors. |
| Posted by Elizabeth Jill on 04/09/11 at 11:24 PM And, God, yes ~ you are beautiful, Shonda! It really angers me immensely that any creep or creepy "societal ideal bull" would have you ever believing any different. Include me into Alison's "Bullied United" family. Great poem from the heart, and timely subject. |
| Posted by Clara Mae Gregory on 04/10/11 at 11:41 AM Schools are finally taking "Bullying" serious. New laws and workshops are being mandated this year.As a teacher, I have intervened many many times to put a stop and de-esculate conflicts that arise because of such minds.Fat people are not the only targets.But they are easy targets.Being overweight in and of itself is nothing to ridicule.But my overweight students know that obesity is also not good because it is a health problem as well. It is the main cause of childhood diabetes and also is linked to breast cancer. We have afterschool programs involving "dance/stepping" moves-not for just cheerleader types-and it is working. It is fun and I even join in sometimes since it is right next door to my artroom.I encourage my students to love themselves enough to have a healthy lifestyle...often times,one needs that additional support...as well as the opportunity.And when they truly love themselves, they are then able to love and respect each other...and that has become a big issue in school and society at large. |
| Posted by Colleen Sperry on 04/10/11 at 01:04 PM this is an amazing write ... beautiful indeed |
| Posted by Clara Mae Gregory on 04/10/11 at 04:30 PM The poem, I forgot to mention, is a very strong vehicle for drawing attention to the issues it raises. It makes one emphathic or sypathetic.It is a humbling and sad poem to read if it weren't for its positive message climaxing the ending. KUDOS to you Shonda!We are more than just our cells, fat or shinny or in-be-tween and this poem helps to shine the light on that truth. Thank you very much for sharing this. |
| Posted by Charlie Morgan on 04/11/11 at 10:12 PM ...mygolly, mygum!...gal, if i didn't love you so much already i certainly would now. what a whistle-stopper. the human experience causes all: bullying and forgiveness-growth and yet, i had my share of vanities[spoken]by society...most of which is CRAP...your words are the bees knees of slam-on-bad-sh**. |
| Posted by Charlie Morgan on 04/11/11 at 10:12 PM ...mygolly, mygum!...gal, if i didn't love you so much already i certainly would now. what a whistle-stopper. the human experience causes all: bullying and forgiveness-growth and yet, i had my share of vanities[spoken]by society...most of which is CRAP...your words are the bees knees of slam-on-bad-sh**. |
| Posted by Linda Fuller on 04/13/11 at 12:37 AM one helluva write! |
| Posted by Mo Couts on 07/01/11 at 04:02 PM Shonda...I'm so, so, so sorry that you had to endure the pain of being bullied. Bullies are just people who are so insecure in themselves that they're unable and unwilling to see the beauty in others. You're a fabulous human being, sweet, funny, kind, and beautiful, and I'm so, so, so glad that you were finally able to see that, too. *HUGS* times a million and I'm looking forward to getting to know you better as time goes on, b/c you're awesome. |
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