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by Kristine BrieseI know you in darkness.
It's better that way
because my eyes are empty
when I look at you.
It's the same with silence.
Better because
my ears are empty
when you speak.
And why would my
mouth be different?
Open to yours,
and yet empty, empty.
So there you are,
unseen and unheard,
untasted and unkissed.
But wait.
My hands can feel you.
Warm and malleable,
smooth and stretchable,
your skin delivers sensation.
This brings new hope,
a promise of familiarity
and companionship,
perhaps even emotion.
I suddenly find myself open.
02/20/2011 Author's Note: It's been years since I've written anything. Please give me honest critique and suggestions while I try to come back.
Posted on 02/20/2011
Copyright © 2024 Kristine Briese
| Member Comments on this Poem |
| Posted by Joe Cramer on 02/20/11 at 09:12 PM ... nice, very nice..... |
| Posted by Charlie Morgan on 02/20/11 at 09:45 PM ...it is a great opening for a 'coming-back'. i see that the use of words are prim-0; the narrator to the whomever[could be two child/teen or two sceince majors - or professors; a very nice[not the old meaning of just nice--sorta like a vintage car niiiiiice]. i too admire the gestalt of the poetics. heavy. light. regular words.
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| Posted by Laura Doom on 02/20/11 at 11:12 PM I'm reading this as self-discovery, a tentative reunion of parallel estranged personae, sensory recognition as the 'meeting place'; but that might just be a hot-air comment balloon :>
If my mouth wasn't agape, I'd tell you how good it is to see you writing again... |
| Posted by Morgan D Hafele on 02/21/11 at 12:14 PM welcome back! i'm going to echo marie on this one and say, you haven't lost a thing! it's fun to see something new from you again. |
| Posted by Ken Harnisch on 02/21/11 at 02:01 PM the last stanzas of this poem testify to a rebirth in and of themselves...welcome back Kristine...you can only improve with each new attempt, but methinks not much improvement can be added to what is an excellent re-start. |
| Posted by Richard Vince on 02/21/11 at 10:45 PM great to see you writing again, especially as you've returned with something so good. :) just let it come. |
| Posted by Quentin S Clingerman on 02/22/11 at 10:40 PM Fascinating use of comparison and contrast. Ending very sensuous as well. |
| Posted by Julie Adams on 03/20/11 at 01:49 PM this piece opens gently, like a blossoming flower, how it gently delivers, how it fleshes out into something tangible for all of us, the humanity is astounding, kudos poet, welcome back ;) peace, jewels xoxox |
| Posted by Sam Richmond on 04/27/11 at 09:36 AM Dear Kristine;
I get the distinct feeling that this poem is pivotal. This line "This brings new hope", to me defines the write. I feel that you have found something that you had been missing. It will be fantastic to see you build on that.
Sam |
| Posted by Robin Patterson on 05/03/11 at 09:59 PM Kristine--
I've been waiting for you to come out of the shadows and write something new--congratulations on finding your muse! This breathed an air of depressed repulsion, for the one whose speech is empty to you, but also for yourself. Then it shifted further toward pain and numbness to cope, but eventually a hint of redemption and understanding/acceptance has shone through. Beautiful cycle in this piece. Thank you for sharing it. |
| Posted by David Maurice on 11/23/12 at 08:28 AM I love the idea of you being deceived by your own body, how as long as there is a sense left that can take pleasure it will. There are too many layers in this for me to even think about now. must come back. |
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