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don't ask me what it means

by Ava Blu

i may be too drunk but you're too ugly to understand what i've said and i think there was a moment last night when we knew it would never work and i don't know why you decided to call me today but i decided to not care and i think this is how people really fall in love, when they've hit the bottom of a bottle and no one else is around and they still manage to spell everything correctly or maybe it's just spell check and they can recognize a red line when they see it but they can't recognize the good things and somewhere along the line tonight i held open my hand and watched you do a magic trick with it but i saw the string before you pulled and i knew it would end up in your sleeve and i knew i would end up in your bed and i think we both like french toast because we both think we make it the best ever and i always say this is the best ever and i wonder if i ever really mean it and i listen to music more often now but i don't have time to digest anything and i know i will fail at something soon and i will crawl inside your belly and wait to be thrown out and i will cry the way i always cry and you will take my hand and scold me for crying and i just wanted you to say hello i just wanted one last word between us but you take two and give six and i don't think i can keep up with it anymore and i want to be a mother so badly that something aches and i wish to be pregnant again and i think the babies we abort become notches on our hearts and one day i want to atone for my sins but one day i won't care enough to do it and right now i don't even think i even really ever believed in god and i took communion once anyway and i have confessed my sins before to a man who told me to do one hail mary and one bj and i thought it was a new prayer technique until he opened the window and showed me his hard cock and i never went back to that church but i wanted to i wanted to be forgiven and i drank holy water once in hopes it would destroy the vampire within but nothing ever could and i think we ignore life when it becomes a burden and we don't see the beauty around us enough to keep us from giving up and recently a friend told me he wanted to end things the way Hunter S. Thompson did and he understands how one day it just is over and we don't want to move on no need to ask for a get out of jail free card because it can't take away the brick upon my chest and i wanted to smoke tonight because i wanted to pretend to be healthy and who cares if all these things kill me as long as i still have fingers to write type see and hold then it won't matter if i have nothing else because you will see my fingers and you will know why they are here and when they came and why they did and what ever happened to keeping your mouth shut and what ever happened to paying attention to the news and i know it's all so fucking depressing and i sit here with my eyes almost closed you are tiny and i am squinting and i don't know if i love someone new but i know i need to take it all slowly and i know this was a most ridiculous thing to write and

i don't blame you if you ignore it all.

01/21/2011

Author's Note: i don't know what it says because i haven't read it

Posted on 01/22/2011
Copyright © 2024 Ava Blu

Member Comments on this Poem
Posted by Paul Lastovica on 01/22/11 at 02:20 AM

let it out, lady blu. let. it. out.

Posted by Sarah Wolf on 01/22/11 at 04:09 AM

Spontaneous Prose

Posted by Brynn Dizack on 01/23/11 at 05:49 AM

MARRY ME

Posted by Julie Adams on 02/25/11 at 04:19 AM

love the arc of this piece, the side roads, the valleys, the destinations it visits, it's bloodstream I recognize and love to follow, like Alice down the rabbit hole...I will always journey through your work, knowing how it satisfies, peace to u poet, can't believe no one rated this (until now)...peace, jewels

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